Student Blog: Running Out of Time

Hey friends. Summer is about halfway over and I cannot believe it. I officially go back to school in a little less than a month. The time has gone by so quickly and I feel like I just got home yesterday. I also feel like I haven’t had a moment of true rest. I have been running around and doing things--which I love. I love having projects and things to do, but as I’ve mentioned before, sometimes that means I sacrifice other things, like time at home to sit and do nothing. I also, feel so behind. There is so much I wanted to accomplish this summer to prepare for my senior year. I wanted to frontload some of my work and get things done early so I don’t have to worry about them going into the school year--and I haven’t accomplished any of those things. And then, I find myself starting to think about my senior year. My last year of college. And that ends with some uncertainty and having to figure out what exactly it is I’m gonna do. All this to say-I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed and stressed. And I feel like I am running out of time. I’m running out of time for summer break, and I’m running out of time for my college career. And I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. I’ve talked to a few of my friends and they are about where I am at. Excited for senior year, but not ready for a year full of lasts. And I don’t think that aspect of college is talked about enough.

I am not quite ready to grow up. Things changing has always been scary for me. Just when I get comfortable in one place, it’s time to leave it and find a new place. Of course, I always have found joy and fun in the new place, but that doesn’t make leaving the old place any less hard or scary. And that always makes me think of plants. Plants start out as itty bitty lil things in an itty bitty pot. Then they are given light and water and are cared for and they start to grow. Then, they outgrow the pot they are in and need to be put in a bigger pot. In a new home. Then the process continues. They are given more attention and care and they grow even bigger. Then it’s time for them to find a new home.

I’ve almost outgrown my pot. Everyone here at my school has given me so much sunlight, attention and care that I’ve grown, and it’s just about time to find a new home. A new place to grow. But I’ve still got a little more left to do.

The days are flying by and I’m scared the days of my senior year are going to fly by too. But that isn’t a bad thing. That just means I’ve gotta enjoy them while I can and soak up as much sunlight from them as I can. I’ve gotta relish the fact that I get to come home every night to a house full of incredible girls where we sit on the couch and yap way later than we should because we all have 9ams the next day. I have to enjoy each shift I have at the library with quite possibly one of the best bosses I’ve ever had. I gotta go to as many late night half-priced apps at Applebees with my best friends as possible. Enjoy every board meeting. Remember that I don’t have to do all of these things, that I get to do all the things. I get to grow. I get to grow and fill every last inch of my pot. All of these things, they give me things I’m gonna always hold onto. They make me who I am and they make me a better person.

I’m a transfer student, and not all of my credits lined up and so this is my fifth year of college, and I used to think that was a bad thing that I had to stay an extra year. But it isn’t. It is such a blessing. Everything worked out exactly how it was supposed to be. It has also made me realize that it isn’t “oh I’ve only got one more year” it's “I get to have one more year.”  While the thought of that is so scary, it also is so joyful.

So yes, there is less than a month left of summer. And I still have to plan a summer Zoom meeting for Alpha Psi Omega, and I need to write a short play for a night of one acts I get to be a part of, and I need to send out some emails before I go back-but all of those things will get done. They will. One day at a time they will, and this time next year I won’t have those things to do. That being said, this summer is also almost over. I also need to rest and I need to spend time with my mom and my family, and go to summer camp while I still can. Because I am running out of time, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be overwhelmed about it. One day at a time, one thing at a time.

I think I’m done yapping for now. I know none of that was really coherent or had a solid through line that necessarily led from one thought to another, but it’s what’s going on in my head right now, and I thought that just maybe, it might be going on in some of yours. I hope you all are having a good summer and I hope you are soaking up every minute of everything. Whether you are about to enter your senior year of high school or your senior year of college or anything in between, I hope you take in every single detail. Keep filling your pots and keep growing. As always, go do great things.

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