Student Blog: The Graduation Question

The age old question that manifests as every college senior's sleep paralysis demon. The despicable conversation starter students dodge from family members during the holidays, afraid they’ll get hit in the face with a proverbial cinder block of truth. The uninvited elephant in the classroom cosplaying as a new student on your first day of senior year, reminding you the time to raise your hand is running out. The saying that haunts every human being at the brink of change…It’s funny how just two little words hold the weight of the world and could determine a lifetime, if you let them:

What’s Next?

This entire summer, I’ve been avoiding that question and procrastinating its answer. As each month comes and goes, so does my time to brainstorm a response as if it would delay the inevitable (terrifying and exciting) new chapter in my life. 

As of this past week, I'm officially a senior in college and I still don’t know how to feel about my final year of undergrad. What I do know is that for the first time since I’ve attended NYU and flown back and forth from Florida to New York, I didn’t cry at the airport.

Usually, as I hug my parents goodbye, reality hits me that I’m no longer a child. I’m forced to check out of my mental vacation in my cozy childhood bedroom and escape the escapism of comfort, safety, and no stakes. I involuntarily take off my rose-tinted glasses and fly back to the stress of growing up and learning how to “adult” by myself. As I walk through security, my short-term visit morphs back into nostalgia until the next time I can unabashedly pretend I’m a kid again. This wake up call has never failed to set off the sprinklers, but this time was different. When I walked toward my gate, lugging a guitar case I decorated with inspirational quotes when I was ten, there were no tears, no stifled breaths, no panic attack…I was okay. It was weird, and I don’t think it was a coincidence.

Of course, I don’t have it all sorted, but I’ve stopped trying to map out what my answer to that question will be after graduation. One thing’s for sure: when I walk across that stage, I won’t be walking off a cliff. Yes, getting my diploma will be a crazy cliffhanger, but I’ll be taking the step off that stage (literally and figuratively) to forge my own path. After all, every good season ends with a cliffhanger, and this time, I can’t read ahead, but would I even want to? Peeking at a gift spoils the anticipation of opening it anyway. 

So what’s next? I think I’ll be leaving that answer blank.

As for this year, I plan on enjoying the moment, one day at a time, and being grateful for every minute of it. It’s a gift in itself to be a student attending university, and it’s an even greater gift to graduate. This year will pass me by quicker than the last three have, so I hope to savor each milestone and make every second count.

It took me three years to work up the strength to give a temporary goodbye to my childhood home without sobbing for the same reasons I’ve been in denial about my final year of college. But like high school, middle school, and elementary school before that, I’ve survived and embraced the change. Sure, there might not be the safety net of school anymore, but isn’t that what makes this all the more exciting? Being afraid and doing it anyway? That adrenaline rush is what makes us feel alive. It’s the fear, the joy, the butterflies - the unknown staring you in the face and finally revealing itself gradually. I’ll finally be able to do professionally what I’ve been training for all my life, and I'll get to decide for myself who I am, aside from being a student. I’ve only ever been in school, so who knows what I'll come up with without the pressure of finals, homework, or essays. In a sense, I’ll get to create my own curriculum. By the end of this year, there'll be no school to shuffle me and my fellow classmates onto our next assignment or cheer us on. We’ll have to show up, do the work, and believe in ourselves, for ourselves.

I’m the first to admit how much I miss that time in life when my biggest anxiety was napping at nap time or which game we would play at recess. As we grow older, luxuries like these vanish, leaving us with the next best thing to cling onto for security. Graduation, although a slightly bigger deal, is just another adjustment. Come May, time will catch up to the class of 2025 and we'll have to face the music. After twenty years of relying on school, the next liferaft we'll latch onto is ourselves. Well, we've actually been depending on ourselves this whole time. We go through life constantly adapting and re-inventing who we are to fit with the idea of who we want to become. Each goal or accomplishment stems from our very desire for more. Since birth, each microchange in our lives has always prompted the question of “what’s next?” Time and again, we answer that question and unconsciously ask it again. 

So…What’s Next, Really? You’ll just have to wait and see for yourself! 

If my seventeen-year-old self had the courage to board a plane to live in New York City without knowing a soul, I’m excited to see what my next adventure holds. If it’s anything like the last four years, I'll know I’m in the right place.