BWW Blog: What to Do If You Fall for Your Scene Partner

When I was in my first theatre performance back when I was nine I made myself one rule to follow (and it seems to be one of the few things nine year old me had figured out) and that rule was "never to fall in love with another cast member." Looking back it seems pretty silly that I made that rule at nine, but somehow I must have been aware of what could have transpired.

I've watched countless peers and colleagues want to follow this rule too, only to break it because when we as performers are asked to give so much of ourselves to the character, and the love that character feels, it can be easy to get confused or to literally fall in love with your romantic opposite.

But how do you avoid this? Especially when in theatre school the only people you ever interact with happen to be other cast and creative team members? In my first year of theatre school my acting for the screen teacher gave us a hint of wisdom for handling this exact situation and it has saved me countless times.

The first rule is referred to as 'the spill' and is a great way to deal with your feelings during the show in question: take all those romantic feelings and 'spill' or pour them back into the work and the scene. Even if you are approached by said romantic interest about your actions or feelings you can just say how dedicated you are to the character, the scene, and the show because at the end of the day that's what is the most important.

The second rule is called 'the rule of six' (which unfortunately it has no connection to the musical) and it goes as follows: say the show ends and you're still madly in love with said cast member, instead of admitting your feelings right away wait six weeks without working with them or seeing them, and if by then you still have feelings for them you can approach them about your feelings. Waiting gives you time to truly work out if you had feelings for the character they were playing, if you loved what they made you feel, if you loved what they could offer you, or if you actually had feelings for the actor themselves.

Now, my original rule seems silly, because oftentimes we can't help how we feel, nobody has control over love. But, we do have control over whether or not we act on it. Some people may be reading this and thinking what the harm could be, especially as we age we'd like to believe that we are mature enough to respond to a situation like this with a level of well...maturity, but we don't know for certain what the response by the other person, or even yourself will be. This could have a dire effect on the trust one should share with their co-stars, on the relationships between characters and therefore on the overall show itself, on and offstage which isn't fair to anyone including the one admitting the feelings.