Student Blog: On Writing: Navigating Criticism & Anxiety

As noted in my previous blog post, this semester I am taking two creative writing courses. Within each course, we are expected to write pieces of our own and share them with the class to receive suggestions and critiques. In any medium of art or any type of work that requires one's time and effort, criticism is hard to take. There are many fine lines that run within the process of getting your work critiqued and edited. For instance, I've read and heard multiple pieces of advice about writing and creation: some say go with your gut, listen to the story, your editor is always right, etc. Additionally, I remember that everyone has their own individualized taste. With all this to consider, I find it difficult to decipher how to define a suggestion as an opinion or advice. Or are they the same thing? I've heard not to let other people's opinions kill your work-- to not write what you think other people want to read. But it is also good to keep an open mind and listen to what other people suggest. To be attached to your work in a way that it is still yours, but detached enough to allow and welcome change. It stumps me.

On top of all this, I am an overthinker. Recently I've been having these major anxiety attacks from situations that aren't even real. I'll have a conversation with someone and by simply giving my opinion, even when they ask for it, I feel guilty. I start to create this situation in my head where I think that from this small opinion, they automatically hate me. Sometimes I'm able to get over these interactions and sometimes I let them marinate in my head for a long time, allowing them to fill with more worries and what-ifs.

For example, in July I messaged a friend about a book recommendation and said they should read it because the main character reminded me of them. I liked the book, I liked the character, and I liked my friend. A few months later I heard other people's opinions on this character. How they strained all the good out of him and focused on his toxic traits. I began to worry- to overthink: "Oh gosh, they probably hate me. I didn't mean it like that, I don't think they're like that. I meant the character reminded me of them in all the good ways." I ended up writing this long text explaining why I thought the book's character reminded me of my friend and hit send- in October, three months after my initial text recommending the book. I later found out that this friend took no offense at all, and that they didn't even look that far into it. I need to stop overthinking. Especially when it comes to writing, or else I may tear up every word that I write and never get anything done.

The other day I sent something to my dad for him to read and after I asked if he'd read it he said he did. He said, "I like it." Hearing a reaction, especially when it's from your parents, is so scary but exciting. I ended up taking my dad's three-word reply and dissecting it. I decided there was a difference between "I like" and "I liked." I reasoned that "like" is present. "Liked" implies something went wrong or made them not like it. "Like" is a complete thought and "liked" could be followed by an after thought, a "but."

"I liked it, but..."

"The ending sucked."

"It didn't feel real."

"The characters are flat."

"The middle is missing."

"Blah blah blah..."

My mom keeps reminding me that "we are our worst critics." And that is yet another thing I need to remember.

You hear the advice, "write what you know," and what you know is usually personal. It is taking your insides out and splaying them on a page for others to read. When it comes to hearing feedback it is difficult to attach yourself and not take other people's opinions as personal- after all, everyone has their own personalized taste. I have to remember that. I also need to remember that when people read my stuff, they only want to help me (mostly- if they hate me and therefore hate the piece, I think I'd be able to tell). So I need to take advantage of these workshop sessions. Acknowledge that they took time out of their own lives to read the dump of words I produced. I need to remember to be constructive and not defensive when I reply to comments and questions. To blow away the fog of anxiety and worry and see what is really there.

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