Student Blog: Comparison, The Thief of Joy

Whenever I think of Academic Integrity, I always think about how it is cheating’s antithesis. Or at least, that’s how I was taught it. It’s always what is promoted before and after you take a test and it’s usually held to a reasonable standard. 

When I think about academic integrity in the arts, however, I’d say it’s more about staying true to yourself and your storytelling. It’s very easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and how well they are doing it. Monkey see and Monkey do.  Sometimes, you will be in a directing or acting class and witness a stellar scene or monologue at another student’s hand. It’s good, and everyone agrees, yet you can’t really define why it’s so good. It just is. Despite your budding education, there’s still something so foreign to you and this seemingly academic success. You might find yourself trying to mimic this person’s style of storytelling, trying to find how they were able to do their craft to a standard that you’re trying to reach. Maybe it’s because of advanced training or experience. Maybe it’s because of raw talent. Either way, you want to figure out the why. 

You aren’t cheating on a test, but in a way, you’re cheating on your artistic self. Comparison is the thief of joy, as the adage says, and never have words rung so true. You get so caught up comparing yourself to your peers, especially those who seem to succeed with this effortless ease. Why can you be as good as them? In spending so much time trying to crack their recipe, you forget to explore your own. The nice thing about school is that it’s the perfect place to explore who you are as an artist and explore the new forms of it you may have never considered. 

However, it’s also one of the most judgmental spaces ever. As a new director, I’m terrified of working on a show with friends and peers and having that influence the way they see me. Being a student director is different because it feels like if your rehearsal management and process aren’t compatible with your peers, or if you are just starting out, it has this social effect more so than a creative or professional one. 

I think dealing with the trial of comparing yourself to others is a required part of growing up that never entirely goes away, but does lessen as the years go on. It takes a while to appreciate the good in what you do, especially when you’re so new to it. The frustrating truth is that everyone is in different places regarding levels and experiences of storytelling and creativity. Not only that, but most of it is subjective and perceived differently by different people. Unlike a written exam, there’s no distinctly right or wrong answer. 

As for me, I think I’ve gotten better at handling the pesky beast known as insecurity, but I worry that I’ll find myself victim to it once more when I start my second directing class this upcoming semester. But I think I might be on the right track because I can write about it and admit it. I want to be able to explore who I can be as a director in the upcoming semester, and see what I can do that speaks to me rather than trying to speak to other people first and foremost. I hope I will learn more about myself through this and use this to inform my art and the choices I make with it. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to fall into the trap that is the comparison of craft. Other people’s work is good because it’s human, a sneak peek into the person they are or the playground of their mind. Don’t suck your humanity out of your work because someone else’s seems better. What matters is that it’s yours. 

Signed, 

J.F