BWW Blog: In a Crowd of Thousands

Hey again everyone and welcome back to my blog! A ton of things have happened since the last time I wrote, so I thought I'd detail the new news and delve into a bit about not losing hope as an actor. Forewarning... this has a very happy ending.

The last time I wrote to you guys I was preparing for the Southeastern Theatre Conference, which acts as a central audition location for tons of theatres around the country to come and watch almost 800 performers take the stage for 90 seconds or less. I spent the first two days of that week focusing on being a student. I still had my classes, still had scenes to memorize, songs to rehearse, and actors to direct (all in a days work as a Musical Theatre major), but I also had headshots to print, resumes to finalize, and bags to pack. I left for Alabama on Wednesday morning and arrived in Mobile that night. The next day was spent participating in some very helpful and informative workshops, taking a coaching session from one of the accompanists (thanks for being brilliant, Ian!) and trying to distract myself from what was to come the following day: the audition.

(PS, find a group of friends who will go and get Thai food with you for dinner and then do face masks before one of the most stressful days of your life. Those are the ones to keep.)

Friday morning's early wakeup call arrived much too quickly and I headed out with some other friends from school who were also auditioning that day and also had to be at the 8:30am briefing meeting. After that was done and I was thoroughly ready for the day to be over already so I could sit in my hotel bed eating popcorn and animal crackers with no stress, I started to get ready for my big moment. At 1pm, I had another briefing meeting with the 38 other people in my group, and after realizing I'd be third to go (not first, but still near the beginning, my absolute dream), we headed into the audition room. There was a stage setup with rows and rows of casting directors from around the country sitting at long tables. Our 40 seats were setup to face them while they faced the stage. I had had the chance to walk into the room the first night we arrived and knew that filling this enormous space would be a challenge, but one I'd been prepped for.

Before I knew it, I was walking up on stage, handing over my sheet music to the accompanist (shoutout to Jose whose sight-reading skills I will be forever envious of), and I started my slate. In less than 90 seconds, this thing, this moment, I had been preparing for for months... was over. I'd done it. I was content. I was actually happy with my performance. I didn't blank. I knew what I was doing. And for the first time in a while, I truly felt proud of myself and my accomplishments. No matter the end result, I knew I showed my best. I sat in my seat watching the other 35 or so auditionees performing their pieces and I was just so blown away by the amount of talent in that room. I realized then what a difficult job casting directors must have. If I'd been behind that table, my callback list would have listed everyone in the room.

My goal going into SETC (as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise and focus on goals I could actually control) was getting at least one callback. When I walked into the room with callback papers posted everywhere, my heart raced. I just HAD to find 403 written on at least one of them right? After searching and scanning... I found it. More than once actually. But here is not where I answer the most-asked question of the conference, "How many callbacks did you get?", here is me just telling you that I got some. Because in all honesty, what an awful question to ask really. A number should not define your success as an actor. It should not define how you see yourself, no matter age, weight, or amount of callbacks. I let that number sit with me too frequently throughout the weekend; equating my successes to those of others, and here is where I do my best to end that. Because what matters in the end is not, in fact, the number of callbacks, but what you do in them that counts.

And so I went to my callbacks. I had a blast. I had one in a meeting format, I had one where I sang songs from the various shows of that theatre's season. I put my everything into these moments and tried to forge as many connections with these new faces as I could. To leave my mark in the most positive way I knew how. By the end of the night, I knew which theatre was at the top of my list. From the way they interacted with us, to their professional yet extremely friendly and caring manner, to the way I felt getting to sing these songs from shows I've only ever seen, but never gotten to be a part of...

It is so so easy to get down on yourself when your job is literally building up a backbone strong enough that the next 'no' will not crush you under it completely. Performing is about perseverance, and knowing your worth more than any casting director ever could. It's about pushing past what you thought was your breaking point to finally reach the top of a hill in what sometimes feel like a stretch as flat as the state of Florida itself. But then you do reach it. You prove yourself right. You prove others wrong. And your time, the beginning of many, has arrived.

But here, folks, is where I leave you with the ever-dreaded cliffhanger. I cannot say much right now, and do not want to jinx anything before it is signed in ink, but know that this story has a happy ending, you'll just need to check back next week to hear what it is!

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