Interview: Zachary Zane of BOYSLUT: A MEMOIR AND MANIFESTO

Zachary Zane bares it all in a series of essays—part memoir, part manifesto—that explore the author’s coming-of-age and coming out as a bisexual man and move toward embracing and celebrating sex unencumbered by shame

As a boy, Zachary Zane sensed that all was not right when images of his therapist naked popped into his head. He sometimes imagined other people naked, too, and without an explanation as to why, a deep sense of shame pervaded these thoughts. Though his therapist assured him a little imagination was nothing to be ashamed of, over the years, society told him otherwise.

Boyslut is a memoir-manifesto in which Zane articulates that, even today, we live in a world that shames people for the sex that they have and the sexualities that they inhabit. Through the lens of his bisexuality and much self-described sluttiness, Zane breaks down exactly how this sexual shame negatively impacts the sex and relationships in our lives, and through personal experience, shares how we can unlearn the harmful, entrenched messages that society imparts to us.

From stories of play sessions with a neighbor at age six to the first explorations of Zane’s bisexuality in college, as well as sex parties, orgies, and fun with butt plugs, Boyslut is reassuring and often painfully funny—and most potently, it is a testimony that we can all learn to live healthier lives unburdened by stigma

We chat with author Zachary Zane about being an author and his book!

What inspired you to become an author? 

Initially, I wanted to be a voice for the bisexual community, specifically, the bi male community. When I first started writing nearly a decade ago, there was a dearth of bi visibility. I remember Googling "Bi Man" in college, and the only articles that came up were "10 myths about bisexuality" and studies about bi men having and spreading HIV. There was no content for bi people struggling with their identity. Nothing about dealing with internalized biphobia, the struggles that come with dating when you're bi, coming out to your family as bi, etc. So I really filled the gap and became the "bi guy" writing content for bi people. From there, my work expanded to addressing issues within the larger LGBTQ community and, eventually, expanded to issues plaguing everyone, such as sexual shame.  

What has inspired your stories? 

My life. I write from my experiences. One thing I quickly learned as a writer is that I'm not special. Sure, I've maybe slept with a couple thousand more people than you have, but my experiences dealing with sexual shame, romantic intimacy, and struggling to communicate sexual needs are not unique. My experiences as a bi man are not unique. For so long, I thought I was one of the few bi guys in the world. That's just not the case. There are literally millions of us everywhere. (And research has shown that more people are identifying as bisexual now more than ever!) 

Whenever I share my experiences, I have countless people reaching out to me, saying how my experience mirrors theirs. They went (or are going through) the same wave of emotions and struggles that I went through. There is power in sharing our stories. 

What do you hope your audience takes away from reading your books?

I hope that people who Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto feel less sexual shame and less alone. I hope my readers learn that no matter what your relationship is with sex, you can own it, and you can find a partner(s) who shares your sexual and romantic desires. So if you want to take bareback loads in a sauna every day of the week, do that! If you're demisexual and only like having sex once you have an emotional connection, do that! Don't feel pressured into having sex when you don't want to. If you're kinky, be kinky! If you're vanilla, be vanilla. Every single person has a unique relationship with sex, and we're all okay! You are okay for having your unique thoughts, needs, and desires. You have no reason to feel any shame for who you are and what turns you on. 

What is your message for the LGBTQIA+ community? 

We all need to be in therapy! It can be really hard being queer. And often, we project our own insecurities and trauma onto our queer brothers and sisters instead of supporting and lifting each other up. So get into therapy. Work on your trauma, so that way, we can be kinder and more supportive of one another.  

Have you ever been to Minnesota? Any favorite places here or places you would want to check out here?

I have not been to Minnesota, but have been dying to go! I love me a good gay bar, so I def want to check out Saloon in Minneapolis. I also feel like I'd have to check out the nature in Minnesota and head to Gooseberry Falls State Park

Thank you Zachary for your time! 

For more information and to purchase his book, please click here

 

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