I will not lie to you, my social life this year has been less than perfect. I hung out with my friends outside of school, for the first time since August, last weekend. What used to be a group of 15 friends has become a group of 2 or 3 friends. And while I know this sounds kind of dismal, to be completely honest… I don’t hate it?
Now, when I say that my group of friends has dwindled, I do not mean to say that I am lonely, or that I had a huge falling out with a dozen people — I have just come to the realization (that I think everyone comes to at some point in their life), that really being friends with someone, means that they make you feel good. It is really quite a simple concept, but I think I have been so caught up in the concept of having friends, that I lost my sense of what really made me a good friendship. I suppose it is not normal to go out with friends and constantly feel anxious and self-conscious.
I am not sure what exactly clicked with me to realize this, but something happened to me over the summer in which I started to take stock in my social life. Perhaps it was the fact that I was so busy with college pre-screens and applications that I just didn’t have the time for weak friendships. With all the work that comes with applying for a BFA, the way you spend your time is crucial, and I think that really put things into perspective for me. Why spend my precious free time with people I don’t actually like all that much? Once I was forced to categorize my time, I had to realize that perhaps there was a reason why “spending time with friends” was falling so low on my priority list.
I do not want any of this to come across in a negative fashion, because I certainly do not have any negative feelings towards my social life at the moment. I am happy with where I am right now, and I think it is important that everyone is able to take a step back and evaluate where they are socially, so as to keep themselves in a positive state of mind (especially teenagers and young adults trying to navigate everything else in the world). It’s important to maintain social connections in between work and school, but those relationships should not be draining to keep up. Personally, my mental health has improved a ton since I realized this this summer, and I have found a new appreciation for, and am so incredibly grateful for the friends I have now, who have supported me through everything this year… despite the fact that they may not understand all of it.
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