Student Blog: Fighting Insecurities as a Creative

I’ve always considered myself a creative person. I’ve been creating things for as long as I can remember whether it’s stories, dances, or songs. But with all this creativity, I’ve always had insecurities about my abilities and work. 

There seems to be a persistent doubt whenever I create, and while this seems to be a common issue that creatives deal with, it troubles me. I work as a choreographer and yet anytime I teach my choreography, there’s always an underlying feeling that what I’ve created isn’t enough or isn’t as good as it should be. And this happens even when I’m proud of a piece. I seem to be constantly plagued by the idea of “but what if it was better?” 

For clarification, this isn’t always bad. This feeling does push me to do better and has pushed me to improve my work. But other times, it can feel debilitating. For example, at the beginning of a process, it always feels hard to start. I have all these ideas in my head but can’t decide where the best place to begin is, because what if I make the wrong choice? 

It’s an odd dichotomy. I know I have successes, and I know that I’m capable of creating things I’m proud of. But I also know that I’ve had failures and have created things that I’m not proud of when I look back on them. 

In the last year, I’ve really been trying to find that balance between using these insecurities as a driving force and dispelling the thoughts that I know aren’t helpful. And while it’s difficult, I feel like I’ve gained some traction. 

The thing that’s seemed to help the most is maintaining my focus on the process rather than the final product. And while this may seem backward, my anxiety tends to come from the quality of the final product. By “trusting the process” so to speak, this anxiety is relieved a bit. After all, the process is why I fell in love with creating in the first place. Figuring out the best way to tell stories through dance or the best way to write about my thoughts and feelings is what brings me the most joy from creating. And focusing on the process rather than the end result puts my focus back on that initial joy. 

I’ve also been learning to trust my gut and go with my intuition. 

I’m constantly in my head about what feels like a genuine critique of my work and what feels like an unwarranted piece of self-doubt. Recently, I’ve been trying to distinguish the two with my instinct. If a part of me is being hard on myself but there’s still an element of pride to what I’ve created, I go with the pride, with a grain of salt, of course. But if my gut tells me that what I’ve created can be better and should be better, I choose to trust that. Which can be scary, but so far it’s treated me well. 

When I write the start of a piece of writing, whether it’s an article for my school magazine or even a student blog on here, if my gut tells me it’s not off to how I wanted to start it, I restart and rewrite until it does feel correct. And after doing so, I’ve been able to find peace of mind, allowing me to then put my focus into the rest of the process. 

Of course, these aren’t cure-alls to insecurities or imposter syndrome, but they are small tricks that have helped me focus on and inevitably improve my work. And as I continue to create, I hope to continue to prioritize the enjoyment of creation rather than the insecurities that may come with it.