There's what you eat, friends, and then there's what you say you eat. All that sophisticated dining you discuss? We saw those Taco Bell wrappers tossed in the back seat. Yes, all right, we know your kids borrowed the car. Must be theirs. Just like the Olive Garden carryout boxes in your trash. You eat better than that. The neighbors put their trash with yours. We understand.
You don't eat as many things as you think you do. Or varieties of it. Take cheese, for example. There are close to 2,000 known varieties of cheese. That's a lot of cheese, people - and you're only eating four kinds, maybe five (and studies, as well as the cheese wrappers in your trash bags, prove it). You're eating Cheddar, Swiss, Parmesan, mozzarella, and maybe an occasional bite of blue cheese. Mild cheddar and sharp cheddar do not count as two different types of cheese, nor do mozzarella and string cheese. And yeah, we saw that store-brand wrapper on the one block of Swiss and the Kraft logo on the package of shreds. That's fine sometimes, but you can do better at least occasionally.
Now, I'll be honest, there are indeed some cheeses that are better off not encountered, whether in a dark alley or on a snazzy cutting board with fig jam and marcona almonds. I'm no fan of Limburger (nor was I of Liederkranz, which my father adored). I can't get past the odor. There are a few others that also reek sufficiently that they might be better avoided. And then there's Sardinia's Casu Marzu, which was featured in an episode of MIDSOMER MURDERS and should have been the murder weapon. Forget stench. We're dealing here with live maggoty things, because dead ones, plainly, would be worse. It's claimed by many to be creamy and delicious, a bit Gorgonzola-flavored, but you have to get past... well... not surprisingly, it's illegal for export to here. If you want to try it, expect to visit Sardinia.
But what about all the other cheeses that aren't either overwhelmingly smelly or, uh, fairly disgusting? You should be eating them more, and here's where and how:
Monterey Jack: You probably eat this anyway, if you eat Tex-Mex or Mexican foods made by non-Latinos; it also features in Southwestern and California dishes. It's not quite as firm as Cheddar, and it's milder, unless you're a Pepper Jack fan. Mix it with Cheddar for better flavor in your Mexican dish toppings.
And why are you using Cheddar - an originally English cheese - or Monterey Jack for your Mexican dishes? They may be wildly popular hard cheeses, but they're not authentic if you're doing actual Mexican cooking. It's not hard these days to obtain queso fresco, which crumbles nicely over hot dishes. Queso blanco is much like mozzarella in texture and melts beautifully. Chihuahua cheese comes from the Mexican state; it's a hard cheese that ranges in flavor from sharp to mild, and was originated by Mennonite settlers who came to the province. Oaxaca cheese is the one traditionally melted on tacos. They're becoming increasingly easy to find in groceries - check WalMart, in fact, in any area with a large Latino population. Mexico, Argentina, and Brazil form the third largest cheese production area in the world; it's time to meet their cheese.
As far as Cheddar goes, it's the world's most popular cheese. But if your knowledge of Cheddar is limited to Kraft/Cracker Barrel, Wisconsin, New York, and Vermont, consider this - it's an English cheese, from the Cheddar area of the West Country of England. Try a Somerset Cheddar if you can find it, or a Seriously Strong Cheddar - which will make you think that Kraft Extra Sharp is pretty darn mild. There are also Irish Cheddars. Coolatin Cheddar is overwhelmingly delicious. And then there's Kerrygold's Dubliner, classified as a Cheddar but really very much its own thing, with elements of Swiss nuttiness and Parmesan bite. It's many people's favorite cheese, and with reason, and it's increasingly easy to obtain in grocery store high-end cheese sections. Cahill's Irish Porter Cheddar is just that, with strong porter oozing from its pores. You'll never go back to plastic cups of port wine spread.
Brie: Brie is your entry ticket to the world of soft rinded cheeses. If you're making a cheese tray, it's a basic component; you don't want all hard cheeses and you need a soft, spreadable cheese. How it became associated with white wine and liberals isn't altogether clear; it's liked by everyone. If you like Brie, try Camembert as well, though it's a stronger flavor. Triple-cremes are also a soft rinded cheese, but milder and slightly sweeter than Brie. The English have Bath Cheese, their equivalent of Brie, but if you're a blue cheese fan, seek out Bath Blue, voted one of the top cheeses in the world in 2014. Also try Ashley, of the MouCo Cheese Company of Fort Collins, Colorado - yes, an amazing soft ripened cheese comes from Colorado. Cheese made in America can be fabulous.
Blue cheese: Quit picking up those crumbles of Danish Blue and thinking you're sophisticated. America produces several fabulous blue veined cheeses, including Maytag Blue and the easier-to-find (and slightly less salty in price) Buttermilk Blue. Blue is international: the French produce what's claimed as the greatest of the blues, Roquefort; the Italians produce gorgonzola, which many prefer, and the English give the world my vote for greatest blue cheese, Stilton. But, English cheese fans, there's also Blue Wensleydale, Dorset Blue Vinney, and, as mentioned, Bath Blue. Cashel Blue is a stunning Irish blue cheese, whose flavor and wine pairings depend much on its age. From Australia comes Milawa Aged Blue, and, from Spain, Cabrales, which pairs well with dry sausages and with strong red wines.
Swiss cheese: Ah, you're in a world of hurt here, for only in America is an entire country's worth of cheeses summarized by one. The cheese we call "Swiss" is Emmenthal, distinguished by its almost fruity flavor when young, and its characteristic holes. Its mildness and sweetness are what make it so popular, especially among children. Switzerland is also the home of Gruyere, the distinctively nutty Swiss cheese often used in fondues, which is delicious and incredibly complex in flavor, more so as it ages. But there's also Raclette, a classic melting cheese often served as an entrée with rosti potatoes and assorted pickles on the side. But also look for the firm, tangy Appenzeller, and for semi-hard Tilsit (also producesd in Australia). But as to Tilsit... beware the smell. It's comparable to Limburger.
Some assorted surprise cheeses: Try Caronzola, a Canadian hybrid of Gorgonzola and soft cheese that's won first place at the British Empire Cheese Show. Or Austria's Carrot Rebel, a bright orange cheese with, yes, carrot flavor as well as the milk of some of the best-fed cows ever met. From Brooklyn, the home of artisanal pickles, comes the artisanal Dr. Cow line of cheeses, including Aged Cashew and Brazil Nut cheese, a kosher, dairy-free cheese using alternative milk sources. They also make a cashew and hemp cheese, and a cheese flavored with kale. Also from America? Bermuda Triangle goat cheese, a Californian ash-covered beauty that's won repeated awards.
Internationally, seek out Bella Lodi, called "black Parmesan," produced by one small Italian dairy (Lodigrana) and aged for 18 months, for a unique Parmesan-style cheese that's better suited to eating than to grating on pasta. Its distinctive rind comes from a mix of clay and grapeseed oil. Roumy is an Egyptian cheese, often served at breakfast, that is distinctive in nature depending on its age. And by aged, Roumy is often aged for 8 to 12 years, not months. Greece is not only home to feta, but to manouri, a soft, spreadable cheese often used in Greek baking, but also loved for breakfasts. You'll be less likely to find Tibet cheese, made in Tibet and Nepal from yak's milk... but do investigate the wide range of goat cheeses now being produced, especially here in the States, where experimenting with textures and flavors of goat cheeses is now its own art.
Yes, there's life beyond the five cheeses. It's a big, bright, beautiful world of things to try, so this week, try out one cheese you haven't met before. And not another flavor of cheddar. Because life's too short to keep eating the same cheese.
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