Student Blog: Back to School - Taking a Breath Junior Year

As Jack-o-Lanterns are lit and spiderwebs hung, college finds its rhythm to both the joy and despair of all those involved. Syllabi are solidified, clubs settle into their time slots, and students start to find their bearings. For my friends and I though, this hasn’t exactly been the case. As juniors we really did not expect to find ourselves on top of everything one day to scrambling the next. Still, we’ve been riding the waves of homework, jobs, and extracurriculars, just not as gracefully as we hoped. 

Upon reflection, the reason I’ve been out of sorts lately is rather odd: I’ve had a significant drop in work. As a theater lover double majoring in film studies and creative writing, these past two years I was rarely without readings whether it was film theory, a novel, or my current show’s script. My days were spent in classes and evenings either in screenings, at work, or at rehearsal with homework and social commitments scattered between. This semester, however, I’ve taken a normal class load and stepped back from some theater responsibilities to focus on the upcoming internship application season. My days are no longer as rigorous, but they are also not as structured and filling that space in healthy, constructive ways has been hard. 

Social media especially has been a big drain. As an artist, I love to sift through everything and anything artists post and, without my usual schedule, I now have all the more time to pour over these pieces. While I love all the new creators I now follow and unique stories, designs, and styles that fill my feed, my attachment can be detrimental not just for my other work, but for my mental health. I’m not a confident artist by any measure and struggle to learn new techniques. Seeing how far others have come in their work fills me with such joy, but also anxiety. I become aware of the cruel irony that the time they’re devoting to their art I’m putting into liking, sharing, and saving. This is not to say that time spent on social media is bad, my time is mine to spend as I please and the “value” it has is determined solely by myself and what I hoped to get out of that minute or hour or day. The problem is I keep finding that when I wanted to write, draw, do homework, play volleyball, etc I was scrolling. I am getting better at regulating myself and am genuinely glad that I’m learning this skill, but some days I find myself disappointed. 

That being said, on good days when I am on top of my time, this freedom is wonderful. I can better explore my hobbies and be there for friends in ways I could not before. I’m now a part of a long-term DnD campaign for which I was able to homebrew a whole species and deity because I had the time to research, balance, and hash things out with my DM. As part of this, I’ve made more art in the past month than I was able to over the whole summer. Player character designs, funny campaign moments, and crossover pieces are piling up on my tablet, some with style experimentation (most courtesy of references from the new artists I now follow on social media). 

My writing has also improved. I felt comfortable taking a more intensive writing workshop this semester and thanks to this new time and aided by this wealth of inspiration, I'm producing more pieces I am genuinely proud to add to my portfolio. As part of that, I got to apply to this position as a student blogger and take on more responsibilities in my on-campus job! While both certainly help my job experience, I'm loving the challenge and creativity I get to employ in both.

And, perhaps most pleasing of all, is the new ways I've been able to interact with theater. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do anything theater related this semester, but since I'm not engrossed in a show I find myself more aware of all the productions that are happening not just on campus but in town as well. I've been able to stop by during several clubs' volunteer hours, learn about local events from concert hall performances to playing sessions at small businesses, and am looking forward to just being able to see more productions. I miss working on shows and will rejoin theater as soon as I'm able, but I'm so happy I can better engage in all of my interests now and look to the future safe in the knowledge that I have time to build a path towards it.

Looking back on the start of this school year, I'm thrilled by what I see. I'm taking classes that work for me, growing my resume and portfollios, and am genuinely having fun at the same time, making me anxious and excited for the coming months. I'm grateful I've been able to do all of this. Gaining self-discipline, exploring my hobbies, and looking to what life holds beyond college are all important to me and I hope that if anyone else is thinking of slowing down and taking a breath, that this is a helpful endorsement. 

I hope that October finds you all as well if not better than it found me. I encourage you to (gently) high five the next plastic skeleton or inflatable you see and that it grants you a spook-tastic fall!