Student Blog: Learning When to Say No

When I started college in the fall of 2020, everything was online. I was lucky enough to get to live on campus during that time, but made little to no friends outside of my roommates and people I knew before I graduated high school. In the spring of last year, I decided it was time for me to become a part of campus life, so I tried to join everything I could - I joined a student government organization for theatre, a spirit group on campus, and even got to take part in a show that rehearsed online! I finally felt as though I was a part of something again, rather than just a student at a campus that felt way too large. I had a lot of fun during the spring semester of 2021. I felt as though I was getting closer to the college experience I had heard everyone talk about throughout my adolescence. I made friends outside of my roommates and felt as though I had a piece of campus to myself.

In the fall of that same year, I decided it was in my best interest to get a job. Very quickly I felt myself returning to the same feelings I had in the fall of my freshman year. I was waking up, going to classes (many of my classes were hybrid by this point and taking place online), going to work, and coming home. I felt very disconnected from campus, my peers, and even the organizations I joined the previous semester.

During winter break of 2021, I decided I was going to change that. I was going to say yes to everything. And I stuck to it. After someone dropped out of a spring play, I asked to join the cast. A friend of mine wanted to start a nonprofit organization - I said I'd be a social media chair. I went to every recruitment event for the spirit organization I am involved in and ended up on the recruitment committee. Taking 15 credit hours, working a part time job where I was recently promoted, being a part of a live cast for the first time in two years , being a chair of a newly formed nonprofit, and being on the recruitment committee of a spirit organization at the height of the recruitment process. I felt like I had no time to myself. My Google Calendar was overlapping events and activities that I felt that I could not give my all to any of them. I found myself reminded about how I felt in high school. I was so busy being a yes man that I neglected to take the time to form actual meaningful connections to the people I was saying yes to. I found myself sitting in my room at night on the brink of tears asking, is being overwhelmed really a sign I'm doing this right?

I knew that something needed to change. There was no way I could wear all of these different hats and still be productive at school. I had no time to productively study as when I was studying I was so tired that I was not absorbing any information. I did not want to let anyone down, but there just weren't enough hours in the day for me to be everywhere at once. I found myself staying awake until two in the morning just to be awake at 5 to get everything done. I knew that it was not sustainable. I told myself over and over again that I just needed to get through February and then life would slow down. Then I could sleep and take in everything I had accomplished this semester. I could allow myself to feel like I had made an impact during my time at my university. However, as the month persisted I knew I was not creating things I was proud of. I also knew that was unfair to not only myself, but to the people around me who were counting on me.

To make a very long story short, I needed to learn how to say no and I needed to learn how to live with disappointing people around me. There were so many things about being a chair of a nonprofit that I did not understand. I knew I was hindering the other people involved in the organization. I decided to take a step back and step down from my responsibilities and just become a regular member of the organization. I could breathe again. I'm still overwhelmed, but I have more time to make connections with the people around me. Learning when to say no is a skill I am still learning to master but I think I am making progress. The question I have been asking myself in the dark of night has been answered. No. Life is about finding a balance. There are ways to make yourself feel more involved without overwhelming yourself by committing to things you don't even know how to do.