Student Blog: Saying No and Saying Yes

I often hear people talk about the importance of saying no to the things that aren’t good for you. And while I agree wholeheartedly with the theory, I would propose a revision.  When building a career or an understanding of theater (or anything really), you must try new things and find what, and how much, is right for you. It's not just about knowing when to say no or what opportunities to take. You must find the value in with doing those things you have to do that you may not like, or that you are scared to do, or that fall outside of what you normally pursue.  Personally, I am excellent at overloading myself with projects and responsibilities. Especially in school,  where there are so many opportunities to find and pursue your passions that it almost seems silly not to do all that you can. And I do believe that you should take those opportunities, it's true that it is so important to always be trying new things and meeting new people. However, it’s also important to recognize that value in something is personal. It is what you get out of something that determine its worth in your life and career, and sometimes that value is just that you tried something new or that you did something to the best of your ability. So far in my college theater career, I’ve had to step out of or turn down a few productions and offers. And in my entire life, I’ve had to turn down even more. Most of these are things that I wanted to do, and would have liked to do. Perhaps several of them I should have done. But I wouldn’t change a thing that I did in the past, because I've only gotten where I am today by allowing myself to focus on the things I felt where important and right for me.

I’ve held a lot of different roles in theater. I’ve worked in some way in pretty much every technical area of theater, and have spent a fair amount of time onstage and in production roles. So when I first got to college, I saw so many opportunities to do things I had experience in. I had done some lighting design for a few shows in high school, so I thought it would be a great idea to apply to do that. I stage managed my high school productions during my junior and senior years of high school, so I applied for a few ASM jobs on productions in college. But these things were not what really I wanted to be doing. I was so desperate to fill my plate up with responsibilities that I lost sight of what was really most important that first semester: finding people that I liked and becoming comfortable at school. So I eventually found myself breaking down and begining to really hate school. While those jobs would have probably been interesting and educational experiences, turning then down allowed me to have a great first semester. I felt lost and uncomfortable, it was the first time in years I wasn’t actively working on or committed to a production. But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t doing important things. I was doing well in my classes and learning things that will help me in my career and future. I was making friends and finding my place in school. I am very happy that I was able to force myself to say no, because if I hadn’t I don’t think I would be as comfortable at school as I am now. I now have good friends and have adjusted to college classes, and I'm currently working on mutliple productions. Saying no to those opportunities turned out to be the best thing for me, and I'm grateful that I was able to weigh my options and their consequences and make the right decisions.  

So yeah, it’s important to know when to say no. But I think that it’s even more important to, when you can, force yourself to say yes to the things you might not really want to do. Especially in theater and the entertainment world, knowing how to do many things is how you get jobs. If you are a stage manager who doesn’t know how any of the tech runs or what the actors are doing, you’re probably not going to be as great of a stage manager as somebody who does. What’s the point of being in school or learning your craft if you don’t do new or different things? For example, I’m currently designing the set for a show at my college. I’ve done set work before, but never in this environment and never on my own. And so far, it has been incredibly stressful and scary. I’ve messed up and missed deadlines, and I’ve sent so many emails with questions I probably should have known the answers to. 

But despite the anxiety and possible failure, I'm glad I'm doing it. Even if I never set design again, I'll know how it works. I’ll have done something new, and have had the rare and important experience of the fear that comes with learning by doing. So here’s the advice I would give on saying no: say yes to as much as allows you to prioritize yourself and your learning. Try things that are new and scary. Continue learning what’s familiar. Audition and apply for things and get rejected. Don’t expect so much to come from everything you do, just take the learning experiences at face value. Most of all, keep an open mind. Saying yes is not always so serious, and saying no is definitely not the end of the word.