Student Blog: Growing Up Scared to Perform

My parents have told me time and time again that ever since I was 3 years old I’ve been a singer. They said they heard me in the backseat singing “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 and that started the pathway to my dream job. At age 5, I saw The Little Mermaid on Broadway and that’s when it all clicked for me. Granted I was scared to go inside because I was afraid of the dark, but seeing Ariel come out and tell a story showed me that I could do that too. I did dance for quite a bit and had a love for performing on stage. I sang in the car, family karaoke sessions, and I even had a recording deal with my dad’s voice memos on his computer. Now this could be an adorable start to following your dreams but I’m going to be honest, we had a bit of a problem.

Stage Fright is a very normal thing to have. Even Barbra Streisand had it! I halted my live performances after I didn't dance anymore (that was another story!). I can’t really tell you what caused my fear, but I will tell you how it affected my life in so many ways. I want to mention that stage fright also never stopped the idea of performing on stage for me, it just stopped me from actually doing it (if that makes sense). 

I never had voice lessons because I felt like someone would tell me I wasn’t good enough or I shouldn’t continue doing what I love. Why did I think this? Probably because there were movies out there about rejection and that made me think that I would be rejected on the spot. So I continue to just say to myself, in the car, and of course karaoke. Karaoke should’ve helped me build up confidence, but I was so comfortable doing it because it was literally just my family. My family would tell me to go audition for local shows or sing in a choir, but I just could not bring myself to do it. I never realized how much stage fright caused me to miss out on opportunities until my school musicals. I went to a Catholic school so from grades 5th-8th I believe you were allowed to audition for the shows. Prior to this I did sing at my church once and I was lucky because I could just look down at the hymns and not always know that eyes were on me. Back to the school musicals, I would always say “no yeah I’m totally gonna audition for the show this year.” And then I wouldn’t. Every year it would be a bluff. I ended up helping the crew, but I yearned to perform. 

As I graduated 8th grade, I thought to myself, I really need to push myself because when I get to High School we’ll be thinking about college and if I want to major in musical theatre, I need some experiences. That summer I started posting singing videos online (not a ton of likes, but that wasn’t what mattered). I even sang to stuffed animals and surprisingly that helped. Cut to freshman year of high school, I’m in choir and I decide to audition for my first musical. The song choice wasn’t great and my nerves almost got me, but low and behold I got casted in the ensemble! I found that I scared myself so much that I didn’t know how beautiful it was to perform. To tell a story each night and make memories with such wonderful people. Stage fright was still there, but it never brought me down again.

Here I am now a Junior in college. Three years of majoring in Musical Theatre and I could not be happier. If I ever had the chance to meet a younger me, I know she would be bursting with joy and pride. Each performance I do in and out of school is always for the little girl who feared rejection but knew she belonged up on stage. If I ever get the chance to speak more on stage fright, I just hope that I can inspire those with the same passion and nerves as me to not be afraid of the unknown. Take a breath and know you can and will do it.