Student Blog: Evolving

How do you know when it’s time to give up on your dream? I’ve been battling this question for a while now. Let me back up and explain what lead to this.

I have wanted to be an actor since I was six. I was watching “High School Musical,” and I thought that I wanted to do that. So, my mom signed me up for my very first play, and I was hooked. When I was 11, my middle school was putting on “The Addams Family.” I was too afraid to audition, so my drama teacher let me join the ensemble without auditioning because she needed more students. I loved it. After that show, my life revolved around musical theatre. Years later, when college auditions came around, I was so adamant about getting into a musical theatre BFA that I overlooked some really good programs. Luckily, I got into a great program where I am happy. However, something still wasn’t right. I was growing tired of acting.  I started to direct some projects and found a new love. However, I had wanted to be a musical theatre actor for my entire life. I couldn’t just give up, could I?

I soldiered on, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of my head that kept talking about how tired I was, thinking that I had to go into musical theatre because that’s what I’d always wanted. I took dance classes that I hated. I memorized scene after scene until it nearly broke me. Then, I went to a talk by a casting director, who said that you have to know when it’s time to stop acting. For some reason, those few words clicked for me. I just don’t want to act anymore. However, I don’t want to leave the theatre behind. I want to direct.

Change is scary. What does this newfound realization mean for my career? My college doesn’t even have a directing major. I emailed my program head and asked what I could do. She suggested changing from musical theatre to an acting major and trying to direct and assistant direct as many projects as I could. Today I sent in my form, but it did not come without a lot of mental turmoil. Is this really what I want?

I had pushed myself so hard to do musical theatre, that I had lost sight of what I actually wanted, which was to do something that made me happy. Is this giving up on my dream? Maybe, but even if it is, I’d like to rephrase it. I’m evolving. This decision in no way discredits the years I spent doing musical theatre, because theat’s what made me happy at that time. It would be a disservice to myself to keep trudging along just because it’s something I have a history with. I want a new adventure, and it’s time I look forwards instead of backward.

My advice to you is this: do what makes you happy, and listen to yourself to know when that thing has changed. Life is long and you don’t want to spend it stuck in a career that makes you miserable. Don’t feel beholden to it just because it used to make you happy.

Sending you lots of love!