Student Blog: A Love Letter To My Freshman Year

A love letter to my freshman year at NYU Tisch:

Cue “Tongue Tied” by Grouplove.

Dear freshman year,

What the F*CK?! You flew by so fast, I haven’t quite processed that I’m now a sophomore. This year you have allowed me to find myself in ways I didn’t know were possible. I have truly grown as a performer, but more importantly a person. My first month at NYU I got laryngitis and basically had to start at square one with my voice. I had to go to vocal therapy and relearn how to speak and sing in a healthier manner. I spent many nights just sobbing wondering if my voice would ever heal. Who was I without my voice? It was a really hard mental barrier to grapple with because I’m a performer but on top that I’m also a perfectionist. I remember I got a callback for a really amazing project, it was the perfect part for me, but I couldn’t sing the songs I was given. I sang it the octave lower and sent in this tape of me with red puffy tear stained eyes. It was such a low point for me. It was so hard going to class and presenting songs to teachers that didn’t know what I was capable of, and showing work that I knew wasn’t my best. All of semester one I worked through this new obstacle, and came out stronger than ever. I still struggle with this fear of losing my voice again, but I am confident with the new knowledge of vocal care I have now, it won’t happen again. After dealing with INTENSE imposter syndrome semester one, I realized that I am my harshest critic. I was consistently the person picking myself apart, when all my peers and mentors around me were hyping me up even at my lowest. So, I changed my attitude.

I discovered my power. I decided to walk into each class semester two with a positive mindset. I tried my best and worked my ass off and stopped worrying about sucking, or the worst case scenarios regarding my voice. With this new attitude I put into my craft, I also ended up expanding my eccentric self and started to fit into the quirky shoes that I had been too scared to fill previously. As sappy as this sounds, I realized being my truest most unfiltered self is my greatest asset, because no one is like me. This bled into my work as well. I stopped acting like how I thought people wanted me to and it made my work more meaningful to me. Second semester was challenging, balancing academics, a new job, and social life all while taking care of my physical and mental health was a lot. I think it also made me learn what successful adulting will look like in my future. I surrounded myself with people that truly loved me, flaws and all. Musical theater conservatory can be extremely competitive but truly my peers at NYU are the most supportive group of people I have ever had the pleasure to work with. Even my coworkers outside of NYU! I work at a magic show (LOL) as an usher and my coworkers always celebrate each other's achievements which is so refreshing. This year was a year of self discovery. Discovering what it meant to love and take care of myself. Discovering who I want to spend my time with, who fills me up. Discovering that I am a powerful presence and I should never allow anyone (including myself) to tear me down. Growing up is f-ing hard. Especially in the performance industry, with people constantly picking everything you do apart. This year I realized that my time will come and if I continue to work hard and commit to my studies I will be successful. Freshman year will always remind me of how preserving through the tough times makes you stronger. 

To all the late night adventures, early morning classes, the people I met, new songs I added to my playlist, the amazing food, and theater I saw: THANK YOU. I have memories now sprinkled across Manhattan. I’ve left fairy dust (let me be sappy) at the pier, at 721 Broadway, The Judson Theatre, and with all my NSBaddies. Freshman year was one for the books, truly the best (and hardest) year of my life, and the best is still to come. To all the tough conflicts and obstacles, thank you for making me stronger and finding new routes to problem solving. And to the people I met that made this year so unforgettable, you know who you are, no matter what happens just know you have forever changed and made an imprint on me. NYU I love you- thanks for accepting me. That was an unexpected plot twist. Freshman year, it's been real. Freshman Ruby signing off.

Cheers,
Sophomore Ruby Griffin