Not So Happy Valentine's Day? Broadway's Most Anti-Love Songs
By: BWW Special Coverage Feb. 14, 2015
Happy Valentine's Day! Oh, it's not a happy Valentine's Day for you? Well, I'm sorry, but as you are probably all too aware of then, misery loves COMPANY; and yes, I am talking about the revolutionary 1970 Sondheim musical. Like all things, the lonliness, anger, and depression that is sometimes associated with being alone on this most Hallmark of holiudays is always made better by show tunes.
So, BroadwayWorld editors Matt Tamanini and Jeff Walker are taking a look at the theatre songs that convey all of the worst sides of that thing they call love.
"(Not) Getting Married Today" | COMPANY | 1970
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
There are so many wonderful memories one has of their wedding day, unfortunately, this ain't that kind of article. In Sondheim's musical of the large and small trials and tribulations of married life, Amy is getting cold feet on her wedding day; and even though she loves her fiance Paul, she cannot imagine a world in which she could subject him to her special type of neuroses for the rest of their lives. So, she delivers a completely sane, coherent plea to her wedding guests.
Video: The legendary Madeline Kahn sings Amy with Mark Jacoby as Paul, and Jeanne Lehmann as the soloist.
"I Believe in You" | HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING | 1961
by: Jeff Walker | @jeffwalker66
This satirical musical comedy masterpiece was based on a wildly popular book of the same name. The main character is ambitious, corporate climber J. Pierrepont Finch who with lighting speed ascends to the heights of the World Wide Wickets Corp. Finch has been played by such leading men as Daniel Radcliffe, Matthew Broderick, John Stamos, and Nick Jonas. But it was Robert Morse who originated the iconic role. His anti-love song is really a love song to himself. "I Believe in You."
Video: Morse and company in the 1967 film version.
"There's a Fine, Fine Line" | AVENUE Q | 2003
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
There are few things in the world less romantic than puppets; especially puppets who have had their hearts broken. So, our next anti-love song is sung by Kate Monster from AVENUE Q. After things didn't work out with her human "boyfriend" Princeton (also a puppet), she makes the startling realization that being in love isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Video: From the Original Off-Broadway Revival cast, Anika Larsen as Kate Monster at Broadway in Bryant Park.
"There Are Worse Things I Could Do" | GREASE | 1972
by: Jeff Walker | @jeffwalker66
An homage to the greasers and bobby soxers of the 1950s, GREASE continues to be one of the most popular American musicals of the last 40 years. The tunes all echo pop hits from the radio dial of the era, and one song stands out as going against the grain of teen love. Bad girl Rizzo thinks her current guy might have gotten her pregnant. "There are Worse Things I Could Do" works like the negative image of any number of sweet love songs.
Video: Stockard Channing from the 1978 film.
"Adelaide's Lament" | GUYS AND DOLLS | 1950
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
In GREASE, Rizzo had her own medical situation, even though it turned out to be a false alarm. However, in GUYS AND DOLLS, Adelaide's health scare is very real; even if it is psychosomatic. After 14 years of her fiance, Nathan Detroit, putting off their trip down the aisle, Miss Adelaide, begins to develop certain flu like symptoms that for some reason cannot be explained by living in New York and dancing in her underwear for a living.
Video: Faith Prince in the role that won her a Tony for her performance in the 1992 revival.
"I Won't Send Roses" | MACK AND MABEL | 1974
by: Jeff Walker | @jeffwalker66
One of my personal favorites among Jerry Herman's scores, MACK AND MABEL tells the slightly fictionalized story of film maker Mack Sennett and his on again/off again romance with starlet Mabel Normand. The Broadway cast starred Robert Preston as Mack and Bernadette Peters as Mabel. The early days of cinema, bathing beauties and Keystone Kops were all included in the mix, as was the dysfunctional love story. "I Won't Send Roses" is Mack's unsentimental confession of how bad he is at being romantic.
Video: John Barrowman in concert.
"Without You" | MY FAIR LADY | 1956
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
MY FAIR LADY is the show that made me fall in love with the theatre. Based on the George Bernard Shaw classic PYGMALION, the musical tells the story of a common flower girl, Eliza Doolittle, being taught to speak proper English, by a good, old-fashion misogynist, Professor Henry Higgins. Despite the awful way that he treats her the entire show, a semi-romantic bond begins to form between the two. When Higgins "accidentally" finds Eliza at his mother's home, she informs him that her life is just fine, without him in it.
Video: Audrey Hepburn lip-syncs to the vocals of Marni Nixon in the 1964 film version.
"Never" | ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY | 1978
by: Jeff Walker | @jeffwalker66
About to make its return to Broadway in a Roundabout Theatre revival, ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY is based on the great comedy from the 1930s. Desperate theatre producer Oscar Jaffee tries to win back his former leading lady Lily Garland who has gone Hollywood and left him in the dust. Written by Cy Coleman with Adolph Green and Betty Comden, the creators used operetta to highlight the over the top emotions and farcical elements of the grand story. "Never" has Lily tell Oscar when he can expect to work with her again.
Video: Marin Mazzie in the 2005 Actor's Fund Concert performance.
"On My Own" | LES MISERABLES | 1985
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
Being alone on Valentine's Day is bad enough, but when the person you love has employed you to pass notes to the person that he loves, it is even worse. In LES MISERABLES, Eponine is the street urchin daughter of the felonious Thenardiers, but she has managed to fall in love with wealthy student Marius. The only problem is that Marius bumped into Cosette and fell instantly in love. In "On My Own," 'Ponine tells how she dreams about being with Marius, only to realize that she is alone.
Video: Samantha Barks from the 25th Anniversary Concert.
"I'll Never Fall in Love Again" | PROMISES, PROMISES | 1968
by: Jeff Walker | @jeffwalker66
Based on the cynical comedy film THE APARTMENT, PROMISES, PROMISES featured a funny book by Neil Simon and a with-it score by the team of Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Bacharach and David migrated from their phenomenally successful pop songs to create a delicious tunestack that fit right in to Broadway in the late-60s while retaining the flavor of the popular music at the time. Among the scores many fine tunes, "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" works in the context of the show and became a chart-topping hit on its own right.
Video: 2010 revival stars Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth performing on THE VIEW.
"Still Hurting" | THE LAST FIVE YEARS | 2001
by: Matt Tamanini | @BWWMatt
In honor of the release of the film version of THE LAST FIVE YEARS, we will close out our list with "Still Hurting." Though the song opens the show, it comes at the end of Cathy and Jamie's tumultuous five-year relationship. Cathy has just found the note from her husband that effectively ends their marriage, and although they once were both full of love, now Cathy is full of only pain and sadness... seems like a perfect way to end our list of Broadway anti-love songs.
Video: Lauren Kennedy in the 2001 World Premiere production (if nothing else, you will win a lot of theatre trivia contests by knowing that Sherie Rene Scott wasn't the original Cathy).
What anti-love song will you be blaring tonight to get through another solo Valentine's Day? Let us know in the comments below, and/or on Twitter, and check out Matt and Jeff's "Ides of March" feature next month.
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