Lana's Guide For Actually Enjoying Self Tapes

"Hi! My name is Lana Sage, my pronouns are She/Her, and I will be auditioning for-"

the dreadest slate that starts off any audition, whether film or stage, in person or self tape. Probably the hardest part of the audition process and the ever so important first ten seconds of the audition where those lovely people with their tired smiles decide if they like you or not. All before you utter a single word of your actual audition rep. It's elementary school recess all over again and first impressions are everything. An actor's job is to audition. Of that there is no question. It is key information anyone should know before going into this profession: audition and audition and audition. The outcome doesn't matter. All that matters is that you make it to the next one. The outcome is more or less a holiday bonus for all of your good work. A pat on the shoulder. Here's some money for this contracted amount of time, all for your good work in that 10'10' audition room a while back. That good work, as we've previously discussed in my last blog "The Life and Times of Art," is of course the chance of being in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people above all else. Talent and craft have little to do with it other than your talent and craft at catching a casting director's eye at the right time, preferably within the first three seconds of the audition. I know this sounds pessimistic-something I don't think anyone would describe me as-but after a while, you slowly learn that is just the realistic business that you learn to love.

Despite the grim picture of auditioning I may have painted above, I love auditioning. I mean, I kind of have to after twelve years of doing it, but it wasn't something I needed to grow into loving. It was always my thing. Auditions, callbacks, appointments, etc... they've always been my favorite part of the process as a performing artist. I find it invigorating; the lack of control over the unknown big picture that only the production team is privy to, the trusting myself and my abilities because that's all I can do, and the capacity to walk into that audition room of possible friends and colleagues as a stranger and reintroduce myself to them with my art at the forefront is an experience like no other. Literally, in under 2 minutes, it's done and gone. A fleeting memory.

I also never get wrapped in the doomed aftermath of whether that audition went well or the waiting game for an offer-probably the only time in my life I don't get stuck in that particular spiral. Never have. Once the audition is done, it's truly done. I move onto the next one, the next two minutes in the audition room. I've forgotten most of the auditions I've done. It's almost a jumpscare when I get cast in a new project. I'm genuinely surprised. Not because I didn't think I'd get it or that I didn't want it, but because I truly forgot about it after the audition. It's as if the audition never happened, the memory plucked from my mind. But it did happen. And I always learn valuable information from each of them that are so useful for my next auditions.

Auditions are the best classrooms I've ever been in. So it was then an especially weird experience to find myself filming self tape after self tape in Boston University's classrooms this past year. While I love auditions and walking into the room, I have always despised their polar parallel that are self tapes. Whether I film them in my living room back home, at my vocal teacher's studio, with friends between classes... I can't stand them. There's something about the endless possibility of capturing "perfection"-the retakes and/or stopping halfway through-that really gets to me. That, and the fact that I then have to watch through it all over again before submitting, reliving every minor detail, good or bad, and decide which is the "best take." It only results in needless stress that I never felt from in person auditions. It's a one way street to over analyzation of such an instinct-based art form. It's so isolating: standing aimlessly in front of my phone and some Costco lights I put up myself fifteen minutes before, a crooked canvas background precariously hanging behind me, the constant inner voice replaying, reminding me that I cannot take even one tiny shuffle back or everything will tumble down...

When I'm in the audition room with a casting director and their team, I am the most comfortable I could ever be. Everything other than what is going on with me in the moment is out of my hands. I don't get to decide which take is "best," when we stop and redo, or how the set up will look like. I have only what I do as an artist and am capable of at my disposal to worry about. It's such a wonderful feeling to have so little control over what happens with my art in the audition room. Self tapes often feel directly contradictory to that. I am in control of everything: the set up, camera I use, lighting (if I have it), set and props, takes, sightlines, all on top of my job as an actor. More often than not, it seems as though self tapes show more about the self tape environment I am capable of creating rather than my craft and artistry. All these rules and regulations about backgrounds and microphones and lighting-while great accessories to allow casting directors to have a good picture of you and your look-perpetuate the elitist and classist side of our industry. It then becomes a possible pattern that those with the means of purchasing hundreds of dollars worth of shooting equipment are able to be taken seriously as artists while those who can't stay struggling.

The one reason why I like self tapes is the accessibility of our jobs because of them. Self tapes have allowed me to audition for work nationally and internationally. Without them, I would not have had nearly as many opportunities as I've had. Traveling to all those locations for a mere two minutes in the room is such a horrible financial, time, and energy strain. I feel self-tapes have opened up opportunities for a variety of artists that they never would have had otherwise. If only we could have that accessibility while not having to be so alone in the process of producing them... If only.

Through my disdain of self tapes and hope to revive the feeling of being in a physical audition room, I've created some ground rules for myself. I do, admittedly, break them every once in a while, but only to my detriment. Most of that detriment being tears, a hefty load of unnecessary over analyzing and judgment, and the realization that those first takes were actually strong auditions and I was just way too in my head about them. I hope these help, because they have surely helped me.

LANA'S GUIDE FOR ACTUALLY ENJOYING SELF TAPES:

• Set up your equipment and then eat
• Always eat before you film. You'll thank me later
• Have a full water bottle in front of you. The moment you hear consonants clicking, drink water. No one likes a dry mouth while they're performing and no one likes listening to an actor spat out words with a dry mouth. It's gross
• Always take a tech test before shooting. You'll thank me later
• Give yourself an allotted amount of time you cannot go over for filming. Depending on the audition and materials needed to film, I like a good 20-45 minutes. If I need to go over, I take a break for double to triple amount of time I took to film in the first place
• Only stop the take for slate mess ups, egregious stumbles over words (note the word egregious. I mean it. Keep going with small stumbles-they are a normal way of speaking so why cover that up?), and outside noise. Anything else is not worth the loss of a take. Some of my favorite self tapes I've submitted have small mess ups and I couldn't be more proud of them
• Three full takes of each material. No more. Only three. Full takes-so egregious mess up takes do not count. You're welcome
• Give yourself a new direction for each take. Really think about the big picture of what your character is trying to do with these precious words they're saying. Are they trying to get the other to admit something, piss them off and/or egg them on, are they letting them down easy, telling them they love them...? No take should have the same direction. Like snowflakes
• Do not-I repeat do not-look at the takes until you have slept. And I mean full REM cycle. If this is not possible, I'm sorry that sucks just hope that doesn't happen in the future
• When you're done, immediately break everything down and change out of your audition clothes. You want a change in scenery and feeling. Get out of the audition room and eat

By following these rules, I've actually found a lot of joy in self tapes this summer. I am filming pretty much every week and I have only had a bad self tape day once... when I broke the three take rule. If you're going to take anything from this, it should probably be that one out of all of them. It's the reason why I've found fun and pride in my self tapes. I'm treating it as if I were in the audition room and it made it all seem so much more grounded and exciting for me. I didn't feel as alone in the process. So maybe self tapes aren't so bad afterall. Maybe.

PS. One thing I would propose: While still not the same as in person, if the industry moved to more live virtual auditions in lieu of self tapes, we would find a compromise to keep auditioning both accessible and personable. A happy medium. Just a thought ;)