Alan Cumming Pens Column on the 'Terror' and 'Fun' of Hosting the Tonys

Now that he's had time to absorb the experience, 2015 Tony Awards co-host Alan Cumming has written a guest column for The Globe and Mail detailing his nerves and expectations for the big night, plus how he feels now that the (fun but terrifying) ordeal is over.

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Setting the scene: "A deafening, low boom was emanating all around us. We were holding hands so tightly I could feel her fingernails piercing into my flesh. Our hearts were pounding, our dry mouths clicking. A kind man came forward from the shadows and opened a bottle of water. We both guzzled hungrily from it. My friend looked up at me and told me she loved me. I told her that no matter what the outcome of our horrible predicament, we had tried our best and that was all that mattered. Suddenly the booming noise stopped and a raunchy, familiar bluesy tune began to blast and another man hissed at us to start walking away from him. And then Kristin Chenoweth and I stepped onto the stage of Radio City Music Hall in New York, smiling and bouncy, and began to host the 69th annual Tony Awards."

In hindsight: "I watched the show a couple of days ago and didn't recognize the flirty and jokey version of me that appeared. Could he really be the same man who, midway through the evening, had been asked how he was feeling and replied he felt like someone standing in the middle of a freeway of oncoming trucks, dodging every one by some miraculous fusion of chance, adrenalin and lust for survival, never knowing if his next breath might be his last (or at least his TV-award-show-host career's last)."

More fame, more problems: "The more celebrated you become, the more it seems you are asked to enter situations where you will have more potential to fail. Although it was announced that Kristin and I would be hosting the Tonys several months ago, we did not get most of the script until a few days before the broadcast nor actually rehearse any of it more than a handful of times...To say I was out of my comfort level as a Tonys host is an understatement. But ... I actually had a really fun time."

The line between fun & fear: "Fun and terror have very similar traits. They can indeed be sometimes exactly the same, and for either to be truly successful they should both be unpredictable and even a little dangerous. Their physical manifestation in our bodies is identical: a rush of hyper-awareness, increased heartbeat and varying degrees of being out of control (laughing is only another form of shaking), and definitely giving us very visceral memories of the incident that induced them...So just as I do not advocate threatening anyone with a firearm, I also do not advocate hosting the Tony Awards. Unless you have the ability to conjure up Zen-like energy that can help you glide through those oncoming trucks, or ignore the click of the safety catch, or tell your body you will remember those dance steps even though you've never been able to do the whole number all the way through once, ever, without making several mistakes."

THE 69TH ANNUAL TONY AWARDS aired live from Radio City Music Hall on Sunday, June 7, co-hosted by Alan Cumming and Kristin Chenoweth, on the CBS Television Network. Harry Connick, Jr., Jennifer Grey, Joel Grey, Dulé Hill, Nick Jonas, Kiesza, Judith Light, Jennifer Lopez, Patina Miller, Bernadette Peters and Phylicia Rashad were among the presenters for Broadway's biggest night. Click here for the full list of winners!

The night also featured a special performance by Josh Groban, who was be joined on stage by 175 performers, the most in Tony Awards history, as well as performances by Kristin Chenoweth and the cast of "On the Twentieth Century," Kelli O'Hara, Ken Watanabe and Ruthie Ann Miles from "The King and I," Sydney Lucas, Michael Cerveris and Beth Malone from "Fun Home," Brian d'Arcy James, Brad Oscar and the cast of "Something Rotten!," Leanne Cope, Robert Fairchild, Brandon Uranowitz, Max von Essen and the cast of "An American in Paris," Chita Rivera and the cast of "The Visit," Tony Yazbeck and the cast of "On the Town," Vanessa Hudgens, Coey Cott, Victoria Clark and the cast of "Gigi," and Lisa Howard, Adam Heller and Tyne Daly from "It Shoulda Been You." Additionally, the evening celebrated the 10th anniversary of "Jersey Boys" on Broadway.

Photo Credit: Heather Wines/CBS