4am: Well, that's the Tonys, you guys. Good night for Brits, good night for womenfolk, good night for Kelli O'Hara. And now goodnight from me. See you next year!
3.59am: And they're playing them off for a performance from Jersey Boys? This seems slightly wrong-headed.
3:58am: They're PLAYING OFF the Fun Home acceptance. Guys, it's not their fault you timed the show so badly earlier with all the Cheno/Cumming self-indulgence!
3:56am: Fun Home wins Best Musical and everyone ever associated with the show piles on to the stage.
3:47am: Ah, Kelli O'Hara finally wins her Tony! So pleased for her! Everyone else seems to be as well. Her speech...kind of makes me want to cry.
3:42am: BERNADETTE PETERS. Love her.
3:36am: I love a good key change, but can't help feeling this has gone a little over the top.
3:32am: Time for the sad interlude of people who have passed away - and Josh Groban is going to sing You'll Never Walk Alone along with it.
3:30am: Congrats to Alex Sharp, Best Actor in a Play for Curious Incident - I read that he was rejected from all the leading UK drama schools. Sucks to be them.
3.23am: They keep promising me Josh Groban, and yet we do not have Josh Groban.
3:16am: I love that Harry Connick Jr has just said that revivals give us a chance to pass on heritage to a new generation. Nothing to do with staging something tried and tested, then. Congrats, The King and I!
3.13am: This bit about theatre education is very sweet and worthy...but seems to be a bit of a digression. Or perhaps I'm just sour.
3:06am: Ah, Finding Neverland, the Broadway rewrite.
3am: I don't wish to complain too much, but there seem to be a heck of a lot of women winning "creative" awards and not getting TV time.
2:51am: CHITA RIVERA. This is what we're all here for, isn't it?
2:47am: Curious Incident wins Best Play! Look, it's Simon Stephens and Rufus Norris! And about a million other people connected with the show piling on to the stage. At least I hope they're connected with the show. If not, security really needs to be tightened up.
2:40am: It's Sting again! He is being ever so humble about being embraced by the theatrical community.
2:28am: Ruthie Ann Miles is READING HER SPEECH FROM HER PHONE. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Cumming and Cheno start selfie-ing shortly.
2:12am: Marianne Elliott grabs another Tony, and does the Olivier/Tony one-two for her work on Curious Incident.
2:06am: Hey, it's Rachel Greene's maid-of-honour Mindy, and Joel Grey, who took me out for coffee and cake just off Regent Street once. Yes, I'm name-dropping. Warranted.
2:05am: I always find it a bit weird when shows run big ads during the Tonys broadcast. I mean, I'm guessing that everyone interested enough to watch the Tonys has already seen Beautiful, no?
1.55am: Sam Gold wins Best Direction of a Musical for Fun Home and then makes a brilliantly snide comment about the show's writers being backstage and having to watch his award on YouTube later (Lisa Kron and Jeanine Tesori have already won their categories, but obviously aren't important enough to be on the actual show).
1:47am: I'm officially bored of Cumming and Chenoweth singing their skits of all the performances.
1:40am: Bless Annaleigh Ashford. I fear she might be so flustered that she gets danced off the stage for waffling for too long.
1:37am: Christian Borle wins for his role in Something Rotten. Now, what about these arms of his I keep hearing about?
1:27am: Hey, it's The King and I! Which I last saw in the Royal Albert Hall and couldn't hear a blinkin' word that was being sung! Enjoying the bizarre accents on show here. (Before you start, I know you all complain about Brits' American accents when you hear them.)
1:22am: Richard McCabe wins Featured Actor! Also, he says the word "tosser" in his speech! I'm not sure you guys have that particular piece of slang, but it's one of my favourites!
1:17am: First ad break, and my traditional glee at the shilling of medication along with all its potential side effects.
1:13am: YEAH, IT'S DAME HELEN MIRREN as leading actress. Give her all the prizes. Isn't this early for such a big prize to be dished out? Has she got to go somewhere?
1:10am: Ah, so THIS is Something Rotten. This...just needs a bale of hay to be Spamalot.
1:05am: Dame Helen Mirren is unamused by this lengthy opening number. By the way, if you're referring to the Queen, it's "Her Majesty", not "Her Royal Highness". Tsk. Is this some kind of deliberate post-colonial slight?
1am: Main event, then! Kristin Chenoweth and Alan Cumming, with bisexuality jokes already, and we're only a minute and a half in!
Incidentally, is it just me who sings 'Cell Block Tango' in her head whenever she hears Alan Cumming's name? 'He's Alan Cumming, he's Alan Cumming...'
12:50am: Oh, apparently loads of creative awards have been given out. So we're still not seeing them live on telly, then? See, this IS just like the Oliviers.
12:25am: It's Vanessa Hudgens! For me, it seems weird to see her without Zac Efron.
12:20am: It's Sutton Foster! I miss the year when she cried about her dresser leaving. It was amazing. We never get that at the Oliviers.
12:15am: HEY, IT'S STING and TRUDIE STYLER on the red carpet. Loving his accent these days. He's from Wallsend, kids. He should really sound a bit like...Jimmy Nail. Also Matthew Morrison is there. I interviewed him once; I was more jetlagged than him because I'd just flown back in to the UK from Vancouver. He seemed a bit worried about me.
12 midnight BST: Good evening, all. So this show gets under way soon, right? And there's plenty of Brit representation among the nominees? Marvellous. That's just what we like to see. Assuming we all stay awake into the small hours, this should be fun.
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