Review: QUEER PLANET, VAULT Festival

As a queer person who adores watching nature documentaries, I knew that I was going to like Queer Planet, a show hosted by Bi-Curious George, "London's most loveable nature boy", a Drag King who "spends an unusual amount of time doing research into animal mating so that you don't have to". In keeping with my track record of seeing as many unique shows at the VAULT Festival as I possibly can, I decided to check the show out.

While the audience members were taking their seats, the Cavern was lit with blue, yellow, and green lights. Animal-themed songs blasted through the speakers, giving the impression of a club night. The actual show begins with dramatic music and Bi-Curious George giving a monologue about the planet that would make David Attenborough proud. George explains that the show is going to be about animal sex and apologises to those who were unaware before launching into the first part of our journey around the world - the ocean.

Immediately, Bi-Curious George establishes himself as a hilarious presenter with an explanation of "wuzzles", which are essentially dolphin orgies. Even though they are talking about sexual acts in the animal world, George keeps the show light and fun, tossing out a few innuendos while educating the audience on just how queer animals can be. And while their costumes are quite simple, typically consisting of a few accessories, they manage to be clever and effective, like when George wears gloves on their feet while dressed as an albatross.

Queer Planet is a mix of "guests" (George doing costume changes) and actual guests, two guest performers. One was dressed as a "Prawn Queen" and sang a song about wanting to be someone's girlfriend, while another was dressed as an old man and turned plastic bags into a range of animals and objects including jellyfish, snowmen, rabbits, and flowers. While both of these performers were decent, I did not understand what they really contributed to the show as a whole and wished that it would have just been a solo show with George becoming each of the "guests" and inviting the audience to participate.

There is a high level of audience participation in Queer Planet. One audience member was brought onstage to be a snail's soulmate and was fed lettuce by George and another two fought each other with spoons, imitating flatworms fighting each other with their penises. In a strange moment, one very enthusiastic audience jumped up to participate in a seahorse mating ritual, but it was quickly revealed that they simply wanted to use George's vape (yes, there's a vaping seahorse in the show).

Along with being funny, George is also an incredibly talented singer, belting out animal-themed parodies of songs like Paolo Nutini's "Last Request", "Dancing On My Own" by Robyn, "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black-Eyed Peas and "I'm Like A Bird" by Nelly Furtado with hilarious lyric changes including "I'm just a bird, I'm really f-ing gay", a chorus that the audience was encouraged to sing along to. Unfortunately, as I have noticed with several VAULT Festival shows, there were sound issues. The music was quite often louder than George's microphone, making it difficult to hear what was being said throughout the show.

Ultimately, Queer Planet is a fun show that will leave audiences feeling proud to be a part of the strange species known as humanity. While it may not have had as many animal facts as I would have liked to see and a few strange guest performances, the show as a whole is delightful and a light of hope in this chaotic world. The ending is sweet and truly feels at home at the VAULT Festival. To quote Bi-Curious George, "There is nothing more natural than to love".

Queer Planet runs at the VAULT Festival from 24 February to 4 March in the Cavern at The Vaults.

Photo Credit: VAULT Festival

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