The dame - from a piratical family but now a tea lady at the docks - is of course Andrew Pollard, making it twelve Greenwich pantomimes he's written, five he's directed and eleven in the outrageous costumes that light up the whole auditorium.
"I just love it," said Andrew on a trip to Greenwich from his native West Yorkshire to audition the ensemble for the panto that's become synonymous with Christmas all around south London. "People come back again and again, some booking for the following year virtually as they leave the theatre. We get letters from people saying they grew up with the Greenwich Theatre panto and you can imagine that.
"In my other life I'm just a jobbing actor but we've got a fantastic following at Greenwich, and I get to control it here, which you don't have as an actor. The directing came out of practicality - as I'm the writer, I know the show inside out and I have done a lot of research into pantomime history and tradition as well."
There's now an immediate affection for Andrew the moment he appears on stage. "You walk on there and you do feel it from the Greenwich audience," he said. "There's a wonderful feeling of 'here we go'! But I'm not a comedian and I do get nervous, those early few minutes on my own. I can never lose that nervousness but that's probably the responsibility and why I love it so much.
"It's become a massive part of my life and career. It's a bit unsung and some parts of the profession even look down on it - but it's a great form of entertainment. The Palladium have got a panto for the first time for 30 years, Cinderella with a big starry cast, so that's got to say something."
Andrew gave a rare insight into how the pantomime is produced every year at Greenwich. He gets together with artistic and executive director James Haddrell as early as the beginning of February. "Then we get the designer in and decide what the themes will be. We make a model and then the production staff gets involved and it builds from there.
"I'll do maybe three drafts of the script during the year, then I get together with musical director Steve Markwick and start doing the songs. It's a slow build-up but there's always something new to talk about. I love it, it's a real construction job and it's wonderful to see it all come together.
"I'm absolutely chuffed that Anthony Spargo is returning as Captain Hook. We get on so well and he's just the perfect villain. In fact, I think he makes me write the best lines for him rather than for me. The audience loves the way he attacks them and give as good as they get.
"Our version of Peter Pan is a new adventure in that it starts off in modern London before going to Neverland, but all the usual characters are there. Sometimes Peter Pan is produced as a Christmas show but this is definitely a pantomime and has the fun and great songs that the Greenwich audience has come to expect."
Last year, with Red Riding Hood, there were a record-breaking 71 sell-outs of the 75 performances. "It's astonishingly popular," said James Haddrell. "I think our audiences appreciate the fact that we don't go looking for star names for the cast. At Greenwich, the show is the star - the story, the music and the comedy are always strong and people love to welcome the familiar faces, especially Long Joan Silver's!"
*Peter Pan: A New Adventure, runs from Friday, November 18, to Sunday, January 8, 2017. For more details and ticket sales go to www.greenwichtheatre.org.uk
ABOUT GREENWICH THEATRE
Funded by RoyAl Greenwich, Greenwich Theatre is one of London's foremost Off-West End theatres, presenting a year round programme of drama, musicals and family theatre. It is one of the country's leading supporters of young and emerging theatre makers, currently supporting up to 20 young artists and companies in everything from production and tour management to script development and marketing.
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