Review: UMA NÊSPERA NO CU at Coliseu Dos Recreios

Uma Nêspera no Cu - O Musical, the most unexpected concept presented to Portuguese audiences in recent years. The title literally translates to A Loquat Up the Butt - The Musical, and it is pretty much the epic evolution of a vulgar road trip conversation between three shameless friends. Only in this case, these friends are Bruno Nogueira, Nuno Markl and Filipe Melo, three of the most prominent names in Portuguese comedy, entertainment and music. It all started years ago with a podcast that went viral.

Each episode was about 20 minutes long and saw Nogueira, Markl and Melo coming up with dilemmas, where one would present two dreadful scenarios to the other two and have them chose which reality they would rather face. Needless to say, both options would be described with hilarious amounts of profanity and tons of scatologic references. Every chapter of this intellectual odyssey would also feature a famous guest, many of which widely respected people, who by no means refrained from speaking openly and in the same tone. Would you like to see a famous pianist or your favourite anchorman reflect about flatulence and sodomy? Well then, A Loquat Up the Butt is just what you need.

So how would you turn this into a musical? No one knew, not even the three hosts. The title sounded great, they claimed in an interview, so they booked the venues even before they had a plan. However, the end result was absolutely terrific. The very first scene of the show opens just like any regular musical, with three singers pretending to be the original trio. Excited? Don't be. It takes Bruno Nogueira two minutes to jump in and shoot all three in the face. Once that is out of the way, Markl and Melo step in and kick off a round of dilemmas just like in the podcast.

After some tricks and a couple of new short segments, the trio and their guests played two dreaded games with their phones. It is never a good idea to have your friends influence your calls and messages, but allowing that to happen on stage in front of a large audience is perhaps even more frightening. Even more so, when your friends are comedy masters with the maturity of a 12-year-old. The first game had them dictate what the others wrote to random numbers in their contact lists. That's bad. The second had them choose a very awkward sentence the others had to squeeze in during a phone call to someone they had not seen in ages. On speaker in front of thousands of people. Now THAT is a whole other level.

When you thought the whole thing was done and you would not be seeing anything resembling a musical number, that's when you realized they saved the best for last. Out of nowhere, Melo starts singing about how this show is not a musical. Then his colleagues join in. Before you know it, the topic changes to how Nuno Markl has not had sex in two years. And that's when the dancers enter the stage. And the orchestra. And the circus performers. And the fire. All of this, I kid you not. With the opening song of the podcast playing epically in the background, Markl's sexless life is discussed in a musical act with dozens of musicians and dancers. Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo.

Even if the infamous trio has managed to turn their podcast into a phenomenon that attracts crowds to major venues of the nation, it is undeniable that this kind of humour is not for everyone. And there is nothing wrong with that. But regardless of how you feel about this form of comedy, one thing is certain: everyone felt at home. Do you know when your friends laugh next to you while you are prank calling someone? Well this was not a handful of friends, it was an audience of 4,300, being casually shushed as if they were simply in the back sit of a car. That is how natural it felt with such likeminded people. And for this feeling, even more than the hilarious evening, we thank the creators of Uma Nêspera no Cu. May your sick minds continue to entertain us for many years to come. And for God's sake, upload more episodes already.

Image credit: Promotional poster of Uma Nêspera no Cu - O Musical, FNAC's ticket office

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