BWW Blog: Clarissa Moon - The Orlando Pulse Shooting: A Student's Perspective

I've lived in Orlando my entire life, and have always felt incredibly lucky because of it. I get to go to Disney and Universal pretty often. The theme parks are the reason I have a roof over my head and food to eat-my dad works full time at Universal. I am also lucky to be part of Orlando's incredible theatre community. I've been performing at various theatres around town since I was little. The people of the theatre community are my friends and family.

When I woke up the morning of June 12th, I was excited. It was my mom's birthday, and the day of the Tony Awards. I couldn't wait to give my mom presents, have cake, and watch Hamilton sweep the awards. It was sure to be a day full of joy and celebration.

Then I heard the news-20 people had been killed in a shooting at the Pulse nightclub downtown. I couldn't believe it. That whole first day, I tried the best I could to block it out. I didn't even want to think about what had happened. An hour later, the number of casualties jumped to 50. I thought it was a mistake. Soon, I was filled with panic and fear. I know a lot of people who go to the Pulse. The chance that I knew one of those 50 people was high. That was scary. Really scary. I started checking Facebook, trying to figure out if my friends were safe. My family and I held our breaths as we waited for the list of names to come out, praying that we wouldn't recognize any of them. Facebook created a Safety Check for the attack. We sat in the living room, reading the names of friends who had marked themselves safe. Each name called brought me a sense of relief. They were okay.

As we waited for the list, we moved on with our lives. I tried to forget about what happened, treating the event like it was some terrible tragedy that happened in another city. A few names were released that day. I didn't know any of them. The whole thing started to become real to me when we watched the Tony Awards. They opened with a special tribute to the people affected by the attack in Orlando. I live there, I thought. The awards were filled with constant references to the attack. Actors wore special ribbons. Winners included condolences in their acceptance speeches. More than halfway through, my dad came home from work in tears. One of the victims worked with my dad at Universal. I was saddened and shocked.

The past few days, I've mourned. I don't know why. I don't really feel entitled to mourn-the attack didn't affect me directly. I don't know anyone who died. But I feel violated. This is my city. This is my community. These are my people. I've been sitting around these past few days, numb. I feel helpless. What will out-of-towners think of the people who live here? Will we be seen as victims? Will Orlando be defined by this terrible attack? What happens now?

It's getting better every day. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of kindness the rest of the world has shown to Orlando. It's kind of weird, seeing the pictures of famous monuments and buildings around the world lit up in rainbow colors for us. It's surreal. But it fills me with hope. I love seeing the pictures on Facebook of actors and technicians in theme park shows making hand hearts. I love hearing about the Broadway community coming together to raise money for the people affected by the attack. I love seeing pictures of the incredibly long lines to donate blood in Orlando, of the vigils all over the city. A couple of days ago, I participated in a special performance with over 400 arts students and teachers from my school district to honor the victims. All of these gestures of kindness bring me a sense of hope. Things will get better. I know they will.

Photo credit: Elina Moon

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