The Cartells: A Theatrical Dynasty
By: Michael Dale Oct. 18, 2006
It all began because Douglas Carter Beane likes to take a break from work around 4PM every afternoon. Watching a re-run of the 1980's prime time soap, Dynasty, with special guest star former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger set little wheels turning in the playwright's delightfully warped creative mind. The result of that inspiration is the zany new entry from the Drama Dept., The Cartells; a hilarious spoof of nighttime dramas like Dynasty, Dallas and The Colbys combining bitchy dialogue, contemporary politics and the net-less tightrope walking excitement of intentionally under-rehearsed theatre.
The action centers on the scheming members of a wealthy Colorado oil family, each looking out for their own interest in games of sex, romance and global politics. Played out in four consecutive Monday night episodes (October 16th through November 6th) at the spanking new comedy club/restaurant Comix (the hanger steak was quite delicious), the cast doesn't see a script until a week before each performance. (For a good reason – in order to keep the humor as fresh and up-to-date as possible, Beane is still writing it.) They familiarize themselves with their lines as much as possible, knowing there'll be production assistants with cue cards come performance time, but do not rehearse with director Carl Andress until the day of the show. It's the fun of watching seasoned professionals working under such spontaneous conditions, as well as the extremely funny script, that makes the hour-long show such a blast.
Episode one begins, as we're told all episodes will begin, with a scripture reading by the Cartells' faithful butler, Hubris (David Rakoff). (Bring a copy of The New Testament with you to the show. He's expecting you to read along!) Before long we're at the Cartell family chapel for a combination wedding/funeral. With his first wife missing for five years and declared legally dead, family patriarch Craven Cartell (Peter Frechette) is marrying Karma Smugg, the trailer park nurse who administers his botox injections. (Cady Huffman will be playing the role regularly, but Alexandra Gersten-Vassilaros ably filled in on opening night due to a scheduling conflict.) But who should interrupt the ceremony but Craven's first wife, Titsiana (Joanna Gleason), who had lost her memory when caught under an avalanche with her ski instructor, Sven Wellhung. Now restored, she makes a grand entrance carrying two small dogs ("I thought this event could use three more bitches."), determined to regain her place as family matriarch.
When it's discovered that the "well-regarded conservative judge" who declared Titsiana legally dead has been sent to a sanatorium ("He ruled that the rich had a moral obligation to fund the arts and was immediately institutionalized.") the family lawyer, Samson Solomon (Joey Slotnick) from the firm of Jew Jew Jew and Jew, informs Craven that he must chose between one wife or the other.
Elder son, Congressman Cronin Cartell (Brian D'Arcy James), is concerned that if his father remains married to the liberal Karma, who wants to turn Cartell Industries into an earth-friendly corporation, it will mean the end of the pipeline he wants to build through a state park and a lower middle-income neighborhood. Cronin is unaware that his hard-drinking wife, Margarita (Vanessa Aspillaga) is actually a spy who is getting it on with the strapping young shirtless revolutionary, Emaneul (Pedro Pascal).
Daughter Gamine Cartell (Elizabeth Berkley) is just plain unaware, especially when it comes to why her fiancé, media heir Dank Sellars (Peter Hermann), insists that she always look at the closet door and say "action" before they make love. A chance meeting between her and non-for-profit executive Suitor (Keith Davis) seems destined to stir up controversy.
Meanwhile, younger son Sterling (Jason Butler Harner) who "just can't seem to find the right girl" has started sleeping with the family lawyer while trying to discourage the advances of his new stepsister, Skeeter Jo (Kristin Schall). ("Stepbrother and stepsister? Hell, back in the trailer park that's what we call a first date!")
Judging from episode one, The Cartells seems to have been gift-wrapped, tied with a pretty bow and hand-delivered to Joanna Gleason, whose style of overplaying her underplaying devours the juiciest lines from Beane's trashy dialogue ("Public service is beneath you, just like your wife."), but the whole cast goes at it full blast, making every scene riotously funny.
Each episode begins with a recap of previous events and ends with scenes from next week. We're told the October 23rd performance will include this heated exchange:
Karma: You bitch! (slap)
Titsiana: You slut! (slap)
Karma: You slutty bitch! (slap)
Titsiana: You bitchy slut! (slap)
Now that's prime time!
Photos by Joan Marcus: Top: Peter Hermann, Elizabeth Berkley, Joanna Gleason and Jason Butler Harner
Center: Brian D'Arcy James and Vanessa Aspillaga
Bottom: Joanna Gleason
The action centers on the scheming members of a wealthy Colorado oil family, each looking out for their own interest in games of sex, romance and global politics. Played out in four consecutive Monday night episodes (October 16th through November 6th) at the spanking new comedy club/restaurant Comix (the hanger steak was quite delicious), the cast doesn't see a script until a week before each performance. (For a good reason – in order to keep the humor as fresh and up-to-date as possible, Beane is still writing it.) They familiarize themselves with their lines as much as possible, knowing there'll be production assistants with cue cards come performance time, but do not rehearse with director Carl Andress until the day of the show. It's the fun of watching seasoned professionals working under such spontaneous conditions, as well as the extremely funny script, that makes the hour-long show such a blast.
Center: Brian D'Arcy James and Vanessa Aspillaga
Bottom: Joanna Gleason
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