Review - Puppetry of the Penis: Look, I Made a Hat Where There Never Was a Hat

Let's get one thing straight right from the start. Men do not write monologues about their penises. They don't. Men don't say things like, "I'm worried about penises," and they don't require a context of other penises in order to understand this limb that dangles between their legs and jumps up like a puppy whenever it wants to play. We don't think of our genitals as a dark Bermuda Triangle; more like the sleek and powerful jet that's headed its way.

Unlike women, men do not have more kinds of org*sms than there are beers on tap at Jake's Dilemma. We have one kind of org*sm. It says, "I liked that. I'm going to want to do that again in an hour or so after I wake up."

And these are some of the reasons why I truly believe that Puppetry of the Penis, making its return to New York in a four week Off-Broadway run, can be a valuable theatrical tool in understanding the male gender. Listen, I think Eve Ensler is a terrific writer and her observations on gender make for outstanding theatre and journalism, but five minutes of Puppetry of the Penis will tell you more about men than The Vagina Monologues could ever hope to explain about women. You know why? Because compared with women, there really isn't that much to understand.

Let me backtrack a bit for the uninitiated. Puppetry of the Penis is a very funny little show where two Australian guys, apparently blessed at birth, stand naked on a stage and pull, twist, shape and maneuver their penises, scrotums and testes into shapes as varied as "The Eiffel Tower," "The Windsurfer," "The Loch Ness Monster," "The Brain," "Yoda," "The Roller Skate," "The Fruit Bat," "The Olympic Torch," "The Hairy Tongue" and "The Didgeridoo."

Don't bother reading that above paragraph again. You got it right the first time.

A video camera operator sits in front of the stage so that each artistic installation (also known as a "Dick Trick") can be seen clearly by audience members on a large screen.

Created by Aussies Simon Morley and David Friend, Puppetry of the Penis has played fourteen countries since premiering at the 1998 Melbourne International Comedy Festival, including a 13-month Off-Broadway run opening in 2001. On Tuesday night I saw Morley and his brother Justin, a genial pair of sports, display their skill. For obvious reasons I cannot share photos of their work with you but let's just say their sculptures(?) often displayed eye-popping accuracy (though I did resist the temptation to take a bite out of "The Hamburger"). And even if their representation of Gonzo from The Muppets isn't quite as loveable as the original, the friendly ease with which the gents perform keeps the evening fun and surprisingly wholesome.

Yes, that's right... wholesome. There's nothing slimy or dirty about Puppetry of the Penis. It's just two nice guys having innocent fun bending and twisting their genitals into silly shapes for the entertainment of the masses; a perfect example of the casual relationship between man and his penis and a heck of a lot of fun.

Oddly, the press performance I attended was the only show the Morley brothers are scheduled to appear in for this engagement. Rich Binning and Christopher J. Cannon, a pair of recent theatre grads from Point Park University in Pittsburgh, will be exposing themselves to audiences at 45 Bleecker for the rest of the month.

Like the kids from Billy Elliot, stand-up comics Rachel Feinstein, Giulia Rozzi and Amy Schumer alternate performances with an opening warm-up set. I saw Rachel Feinstein, who spoke explicitly on subjects such as acting slutty, cock-blocking, having friends who are sluttier than you, vagina-blocking, getting drunk and sleeping with random guys and getting hand-job lessons from her brother. She was very funny.

Photo: Justin Morley

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