BWW Blog: Christopher Panella - BWW Blog: Stop Letting Anxiety and Insecurity Take the Spotlight

For some performers, taking center stage can be effortless and natural. It comes to them almost as easily as breathing. Others, however, are hesitant to stand in the spotlight and perform. I have seen both types of people and am not afraid to admit that I am the latter. I am not a natural performer. It has never been easy for me to be comfortable in my own skin, especially when I am constantly surrounded by theatre kids who are effortlessly talented. That doesn't mean I can't become a natural performer, and if you're like me, you can too.

Being anxious and insecure is typical for all teenagers, especially theatre kids. We are the definition of anxiety: from cast lists to opening nights, we feel that familiar emotion almost every day. Insecurity is sort of a side effect: when we become anxious, we begin to question every move we make and lose our confidence and grounding. This situation isn't just a theatre situation, it's a life situation. When we, even for a second, lose focus on keeping ourselves centered and strong, we become disoriented and begin to think every move we have ever made is a move made incorrectly. Soon, we let this constant lack of confidence in ourselves to make the best decisions and be the best we can be rule our daily lives. This new ruler of our lives is insecurity. Every theatre kid experiences it; from worrying about being in character to worrying about having all of our lines memorized to worrying about how we look and sound and dance on stage. Insecurity is one of the worst feelings in the world. In a career and world that requires strength and confidence, constantly second guessing your decisions and needing reassurance is not a positive attribute.

I know this from personal experience. I may be a confident person, but that's only because I make myself out to be. I wasn't always like this. I've spent the last three years standing taller than I actually am, speaking louder than my voice allows, and only believing in myself even when I was insecure about every single thing I did. This insecurity was always fueled by anxiety. I was anxious about performing my best in front of my peers and directors, making mistakes, and being the best I could be to impress and secure the satisfaction of others. When I felt that I hadn't done all of these things and more, I became insecure. I began to question everything, from what I wore to how I auditioned to how I performed to how I was portraying characters. It is a personal hell, not being able to just take leaps of faith knowing that you have made the best decisions and will do your best no matter what. After years of being in that rut, I started to fake confidence. "Fake it 'til you make it" became my motto. That motto is 150% correct; fake confidence until you make confidence.

I am not envious of theatre kids who are effortlessly confident and natural performers. I am not jealous of their confidence or strength. If I was like them, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't have struggled through what I have struggled through. I wouldn't have learned to be confident. I wouldn't have experiences the anxiety and insecurity that I have experienced that has made me who I am. That would be sad, because much of who I am comes from pushing myself through problems to find solutions. So, my advice (I know, this is like the fifth advice blog, but what can I say? No one wants to read a blog without a moral or message) to all the theatre kids feeling just as I felt is to fake it. Fake it 'til you make it. Pretend to be confident and secure in your decisions, make the person you want to be a character and play that character. Rehearse as that character, practice and memorize that character's lines. Become that character. The moment you get into character completely and step on stage, it won't be anxiety and insecurity in the spotlight. It will be you.

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