Interview: Writer and Performer Jean Franzblau on MY MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW I'M KINKY

In May 2014, I heard about the new solo show Coming Out Kinky written and performed by Jean Franzblau in which she related her personal journey to sexual self-acceptance. In it, she portrayed 20 characters in her sexual memoir adventure story for curious and open-minded adults to enjoy. From my review then, “What makes her stories come alive is Franzblau’s ability to inhabit each of the characters so completely that you really will feel there is more than just one person on the stage.”

And let me tell you, I learned more about the BDSM (bondage/ domination/ sadism/ masochism) than I ever had before. And what a road it was she travelled, leading her to becoming an Intimacy Coordinator for TV and film, helping actors perform sexy scenes with respect and care.

And when I heard Jean was bringing her updated play My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky to the Hollywood Fringe Festival this month, I decided to speak with her about how it’s has been updated, how much her mother really does know, and her plans for taking it around the world as a way to spread the word about how important it is to “know thyself.”

Jean Franzblau. All photos courtesy of Jean Franzblau.

Hi Jean. It’s good to speak with you about the return of your entertaining, tantalizing, and educational play. You must be thrilled to bringing the experience back to the stage!

I’m so glad I’m doing it. I like to call what I feel, “janxiety.” That’s a combination of joy and anxiety.

First things first – when did you realize you were into kinky sex?

Years ago, I was minding my own business looking for work in childcare. I posted an ad offering my services as a babysitter. This fellow contacted me and asked me if he could pay me $20 an hour so that he could clean my apartment for me. He said he liked to be told what to do by women. The scenario he described ignited something inside of me that I had no idea was there. After vetting him carefully, I chose to try out this experience. I found it to be deeply erotic. Who knew?

Who did you confide in about those tendencies? How long did it take to find the right Person?

I tucked that part of myself away for a long time and didn’t even think about it. (Isn’t it amazing how the mind can compartmentalize?) Years later, a friend told me that he frequented an S&M Club in Los Angeles called Sanctuary Studios. I was at a point in my life that I was open to new experiences and began pestering him to take me. That night at Sanctuary Studios woke up something else in me that I couldn’t quite define. But I was ready to be more deliberate in understanding myself better and began to actively seek an experienced “play partner.” It took a while to find a person that was a good match – and it was totally worth it.

I remember you talking about the first lover who took you to a BDSM club where you finally felt free to be yourself. Will you again share that story?

Some people enjoy BDSM in public and some enjoy it in private. I feel very awkward in BDSM dungeons and public play spaces. So - except for talking about this stuff very publicly in my show - I feel more myself when in private with trusted partners. In my show, I do describe that first night at the club. I love the audience reaction to it because many folks are being introduced to it for the first time right along with my character.

Jean Franzblau onstage in My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky.

Do you expect most audience members will already be familiar with the BDSM scene? And do you find knowing that makes it easier to share your intimate stories?

I’ve performed for audiences who are unfamiliar and familiar with that world. I’m delighted to report that newcomers find it fascinating while seasoned kinksters are full of joy at seeing themselves being represented with respect, humor and care. It does feel more vulnerable to do the most raw scenes for those who are new to it. But that’s the gift I’ve signed up to offer.

I take it your mother has accepted you as kinky by now What was the most difficult thing about telling her the truth?

Talking to my mom about my sex life was never a goal of mine. But there was a limit to how close she and I would ever be if a big part of my life was unspeakable between us. One afternoon we were having a very honest conversation and I felt especially close to her, and the idea of talking to her about it occurred to me spontaneously. It says a lot about my mom that I felt I could risk it. I’m glad I did!

Has she ever seen My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky? What was her reaction?

The first thing you should know is that my mom has blessed every word that her character says in the show. New scenes have required fresh conversations between us. It’s been so wonderful.

I did a reading of the show last year in NYC. My Mom flew in from Florida to support me and see it live for the first time. It was not my best performance as it felt cringy, actually. She didn’t know what to say and I felt pretty awful about it.

But then I recruited director Carly DW Bones (pictured) and did some important re-writes.

I performed it at the Whitefire Theatre in March 2024, and once again my mom took a flight to support me and see it. This time it was glorious. She understood it, witnessed its impact on the audience, and loved it. That performance won the SoloFest 2024 Encore Award. Whew - I redeemed myself!

Ten years have passed since I first saw the play in 2014, How has your own self-acceptance benefited your life since then?

The journey towards self-acceptance has been a rocky one, but it helps me create good art. A few years ago, I experienced a total zeroing out of my libido. It was such a blow to my self-image. True to form I started writing a new show to help me process that experience. I call it A Return to Lust.

How has the play been updated since you first began performing it?

When I took the project on - yep - it was awkward to talk about sex in front of audiences. I was surprised after opening night when a psychotherapist asked if I could perform the show as continuing education for other therapists. Or a protective father said, “I want my daughter to see this.” Or young women would find me after the show to say “me too.” I went on to perform it in small theaters for sex positive communities and was invited to present it for students at the University of Florida.

Jean Franzblau onstage in My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky.

Then I put the script down for a long time. Ten years. Yes, I’ve learned a lot in the past ten years. And yes, I have gray hair and still care deeply about my sexuality. And my relationship with my mom has taken some fascinating turns.

In what ways?

My Dad died in 2019. He was the love of my mom’s life, and she had a lot of grieving to do. When she was really ready, she began dating. It was a wild for me to hear first-hand about her adventures on Match.com. Because she and I had so many conversations about sex up to that point, I got the privilege of offering advice. (Okay, sometimes it was unsolicited.) It was at times hilarious.

What motivated you to create this updated version of your play?

During the pandemic, I got really depressed. As I trudged through my sadness, this show began to stir again in my psyche. That was twenty-two months and three readings ago. This month’s Fringe version is funnier, sexier, and deeper than ever.

Care you say a bit more about that?

Besides the new material, I’ve grown as a person and performer. I’m more comfortable in my skin than ten years ago. I have access to more joy and emotion than ever. I can’t wait to share it!

Jean Franzblau onstage in My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky.

What do you hope audiences learn about being honest with themselves during My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky?

My hope is that the show acts as a giant permission slip for people to explore the things in life that they are curious about. Even if those things are outside the norm.

What are your plans for the play in the future?

I’m fundraising now to bring the show to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August. Beyond that, I think the show has huge potential as an Off-Broadway production and on tour.

Why do you think your play is so popular with audiences?

Here’s how I see it: My story provides a safe, exciting pathway for audiences to be immersed in the mysterious world of BDSM. I think it taps into similar territory as Menopause The Musical with a candid, comedic approach to a forbidden topic. The storytelling has a wholesome innocence that makes the show a guilt-free romp that’s hilarious, soulful and sexy. I can totally see it!

Why do you think Fifty Shades of Gray helped bring the topic of BDSM out in the open for discussion more freely than ever before?

Did you know that Fifty Shades of Grey was the fastest selling paperback of all time? I think there are millions of women with untapped yearning in their sexual lives and that book delivered sexual edginess in a safe package. I think reading it gave a lot of people expression to the inexpressible. Like how Elvis made young teenage girls scream. They didn’t plan to scream. The scream just came out of them.

Jean Franzblau onstage in My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky.

As an Intimacy Coordinator, what’s the process you use most frequently to make actors feel at ease exploring elements of their own sexuality comfortably and authentically onstage?

My work as an intimacy professional is most often in TV And film. Once I’ve read the script and spoken to the director, I meet with the actors to hear any concerns they have about their intimate scenes. I assure that the actors’ boundaries are honored and help troubleshoot solutions. The process tends to help performers feel safe to do their best work.

What inspired you to create and what is the purpose of The Cuddle Sanctuary?

I laugh a lot these days, but it wasn’t always like that. For years I was single, independent, and often depressed. One time I was traveling solo and feeling super lonely. I latched onto this guy thinking that what I needed was a hook-up. But that was so not what I needed. I followed this dude around for hours and yes, finally hooked up. But the part that I really wanted – sweet conversation, cuddling – didn’t happen at all and I felt ripped off. But when I thought about it later, I realized that I wasn’t honest with him about what I wanted.

What I figured out is that sure, I have sexual needs, I get that. But I also have needs for connection, affection, and just plain hugs – nonsexual stuff. And those needs weren’t getting met. One day, I opened an in-flight magazine and saw a bunch of people chilling out and cuddling together and thought to myself, “That’s for me!” I kept googling “Los Angeles” and “cuddle” but could never find a local event.

And so, I founded Cuddle Sanctuary. It started out as this thing that I needed just for myself, but it’s evolved into a wellness practice for lots of Angelinos. (And people come from as far as Ventura and San Diego counties to attend.) Now I have the connection, community, laughter, and fun I’ve always wanted in my life. Learn more at https://cuddlesanctuary.com/

Jean Franzblau onstage in My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky.

I know audiences will have questions for you after your show at Fringe. Will you hold talkbacks following performances?

I love doing talkbacks. Alas, the Hollywood Fringe Festival moves so quickly. The very nature of the Fringe won’t allow time for them this time around. I’ve performed the show for two universities and the schools arrange for me to have talkbacks afterward. It’s a joy. (PS: For those who want to bring me in to do the show, a talkback, relevant workshops, my agent Brian at Kirkland Productions is standing by!)

Do you take on private clients who want to work on their own sexual exploration? How can appointments be made?

My background is teaching and training. So my best strength is working with groups. For one-on-one coaching, I recommend my friend No Shame with CJ.

Are there classes or educational videos you offer online?

Yes! I created a class for people to pursue the themes explored in my show. It’s called the Sexual Bucket List Class. This virtual and private course is a personal journey into a person’s unique erotic self. I created a $20 off coupon code for your readers: BroadwayWorld. They can get the Sexual Bucket List Class here.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about the play or yourself?

No thank you - This was great!

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My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky, Written and performed by Jean Franzblau, Directed by Carly DW Bones, Developed with Karen Aschenbach with Original Song by Eric Schwartz

Performed in the 2024 Hollywood Fringe Festival at The Broadwater Second Stage, 6320 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood 90038. Runtime is 90 minutes, no intermission

Monday, 6/10 at 9pm

Saturday, 6/15 at 5:30pm

Wednesday, 6/19 at 9pm

Sunday 6/23 at 1pm

Saturday 6/29 at 6:30pm

Fringe shows must start promptly on time, so please arrive early as parking can be a challenge. 

Learn more and order tickets at https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10366

Content Notice: simulated sex and BDSM, sexual charged language, consensual power play, non-consensual sexual violence

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