Review: HOW TO BE A VIRGIN (in 12 morally ambiguous steps)

In the 2006 film, The Holiday, Cameron Diaz says to Jude Law at the end of a romantic afternoon, "Sex makes everything complicated. Even when you don't have it, the not having it makes things complicated." Those words certainly characterize the experiences of one 30-year old virgin who tells her own complicated story in HOW TO BE A VIRGIN (in 12 morally ambiguous steps).

Playwright Carla Neuss lays it all out there in this autobiographical two-hander, starring Katelyn Schiller as The Virgin and Joshua Bross as a variety of past boyfriends. Schiller narrates the largely comedic piece, which combines the framework of a slide projector presentation with flashback scenes from her dating days, to explain her personal commitment to that all-important V card.

Neuss's writing is fresh and unpretentious while displaying a knack for inventing quirky turns of phrase. Whether she is relating how to go about dropping the bomb (that she's still a virgin and isn't going to sleep with a potential boyfriend) or describing the slippery slope and what she calls "sexual tapas," the tone is lighthearted and fun. Seek not the serious here.

She covers the virgin/whore dichotomy, her first love at 17, and the Ugandan she met on a mission trip who finds sex with an American (at least this one) isn't like it is in the movies. While dating a Catholic scientist at 23, she finally admits to her girlfriends that she's a virgin during a condom fiasco, and, later, in the midst of a fling with a bartender, she questions whether you can even call it that if there's no sex involved.

In one of the best of her morally ambiguous situations, she makes a move on a young man preparing to be a missionary whose answer to temptation is getting down on his knees and asking her to join him in prayer. A Christian herself, she learns that it's hard to date a man who has God on speed dial and the audience begins to see her stories as more than just the juvenile recollections of a once-naïve girl.

In these early scenes, director Payden Ackerman's pacing is crisp and Schiller's perky-with-an-edge energy easily propels the story forward. It isn't until two-thirds of the way in that the play begins to lag, coincidentally at the same time the stories take a darker turn.

The rebound relationship with a younger man was supposed to be an escape but ends up simply leaving her sad. A 40-year old drug dealer won't kiss her but will have sex if she lets him, and the Spaniard declares he wants to rape her in a creepy role-play misinterpretation.

What's coming is a final twist delivered by the universe and the big realization that offers the real reason she's keeping her maidenhood intact. It's a good message but one that happens so close to the end of the play that it feels as if someone has called time yet there's more to say. Fleshing out that revelation would make the piece's impact even stronger.

As it is, HOW TO BE A VIRGIN is a thoroughly enjoyable one hour of Fringe time packaged with a lot of laughs, some spicy adult topics, and plenty of situational humor. You have to admire the playwright for being willing to even write this story and, if it does nothing else, it will give you pause to consider why you've made your choices. By default or on purpose, it's always up to you.

HOW TO BE A VIRGIN (in 12 morally ambiguous steps)
June 2 - 25, 2016
Asylum @ Studio C
6448 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90038
General admission tickets are $10 at http://hff16.org/3447

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