RECAP: DANCING's New Season Could Use Some More Stars

It may only be week two, but DANCING WITH THE STARS is already in full swing with enough walk-outs, breakdowns and resolve-shaking injuries to fuel a finale. This season's crop of B-listers and has-beens certainly know how to bring the petty drama. Unfortunately, that's about all most of them have to offer.

Save for a few promising performances, Season 16's first elimination round was a lackluster haze of mediocrity. The quicksteps dragged, the jives were all pizzazz and no technique and the jazz routines were seriously lacking in the way of actual steps. The stars were either disappointing or forgettable. The judges were their usual train wreck of stale stereotypy with Len Goodman shouting blunt critiques over the persistent boos of the crowd, Carrie Ann Inaba enthusiastically dishing out equal helpings of criticism and praise and Bruno Tonioli flailing about like a madman spewing absurdities.

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. But after fifteen seasons, it all starts to feel just a bit tired and contrived.

That said, the show did have its moments. Disney star (and token experienced dancer) Zendaya Coleman breathed life back into the show at its halftime lull, wowing with her cute-but-feisty jive and unnaturally long legs (seriously, did you see those things?). Immediately following, funnyman Andy Dick put his comedic chops to use in a zany, Alice in Wonderland-themed jazz routine that had Bruno leaping out of his seat in excitement - and rightfully so (for once). To call it dancing would be a long shot, but what it lacked in skill it more than made up for in shameless entertainment.

To see how their competition fared, check out the full breakdown below:

Ingo Rademacher & Kym Johnson - 20/30 (tonight) + 20/30 (last week) = 40/60

Quickstep / "Billy-a-Dick" by Bette Middler

The Judges Say...

"The footwork [was] very hit and miss." - Len

Dorothy Hamill & Tristan McManus - 15/30 + 21/30 = 36/60

Jive / "Chantilly Lace" by The Big Boppers

The Judges Say...

"You have such a great natural quality of movement. What I sense in you is fear." - Carrie Ann

Jacoby Jones & Karina Smirnoff - 23/30 + 20/30 = 43/60

Jazz / "Five Guys Named Moe" by Louis Jordan

The Judges Say...

"I think it was fun. It was razzle-dazzle, razzamatazz." - Len

Victor Ortiz & Lindsay Arnold - 18/30 + 18/30 = 36/60

Jive / "Runaway Baby" by Bruno Mars

The Judges Say...

"It became scruffy." - Len

Wynonna Judd & Tony Dovolani - 18/30 + 18/30 = 36/60

Quickstep / "Neutron Dance" by Pointer Sisters

The Judges Say...

"It ended up in kind of a casual stroll." - Bruno

Zendaya Coleman & Valentin Chmerkovskiy - 26/30 + 24/30 = 50/60

Jive / "This Head I Hold" by Electric Guest

The Judges Say...

"You are the whole shebang. You killed that number!" - Carrie Ann

Andy Dick & Sharna Burgess - 26/30 + 24/30 = 50/60

Jazz / "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga

The Judges Say...

"[It was] outlandish and crackers. A monster jazz!" - Bruno

Sean Lowe & Peta Murgatroyd - 20/30 + 19/30 = 39/60

Jive / "(Let's Get It Movin') Into Action" by Skye Sweetnam

The Judges Say...

"A solid performance." - Carrie Ann

Aly Raisman & Mark Ballas - 24/30 + 21/30 = 45/60

Quickstep / "Jumpin' Jack" by Big Fat Voodoo Daddy

The Judges Say...

"It was like watching a magic little bluebird in full flight." - Bruno

Lisa Vanderpump & Gleb Savchenko - 18/30 + 18/30 = 36/60

Jive / "One Way or Another" by Blondie

The Judges Say...

"You were trying to fly, but you never really took off with that dance. It was a bit wooden, for me." - Len

D.L. Hughley & Cheryl Burke - 16/30 + 12/30 = 28/60

Quickstep / "It Don't Mean a Thing" by Duke Ellington

The Judges Say...

"You've improved over last week." - Len

Kellie Pickler & Derek Hough - 26/30 + 21/30 = 47/60

Quickstep / "Lights" by Ellie Goulding

The Judges Say...

"Kellie Pickler, you are a dancer! That was freaking amazing!" - Carrie Ann

Injury Report: Jacoby Jones back at full capacity after knee injury, Dorothy Hamill out of some rehearsals after discovering cyst

With so many middle-of-the-road performances, it's hard to say whose mirror ball hopes will come to and end tomorrow night. Will Wynonna Judd avoid the chopping block despite her slow-as-molasses step? Will D.L. Hughley live to fight another round of this "Hunger Games in tights"?

Drop by BroadwayWorld tomorrow night to see who stays and who goes.

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