RECAP: A Predictable DANCING Elimination

For a post-prom extravaganza, this week's elimination was totally lacking in the Drama Department. No one cried, no one expounded upon the desperate struggles of learning to ballroom dance. Nobody even seemed remotely stressed out about getting the axe. Talk about a letdown!

To be fair, Dorothy Hamill's chivalrous, show-stealing withdrawal was a tough act to follow. But the whole smiles and cutesy superlatives shtick made for a total snoozefest. I mean, you know it's a slow night when they resort to a spotlight on Len Goodman's pre-show routine, which apparently consists of him shouting lines patented by self-important sleazeballs at innocent crew members. Because it's adorable and funny when an old man does it, right?

At least the voters were merciful this round. No one needs to see Wynonna Judd wobbling around like toddler at ballet class anymore and I think it's pretty safe to say that she any hopes the judges had of her letting loose and rocking out to an end this week. And let's be real, she was about one more insensitive comment away from a full-scale breakdown, so we can all rest easy knowing that her dancing days are done.

For more highlights from tonight's elimination, check out the breakdown below:

The King & Queen

As expected, Jacoby Jones was justly crowned king of the prom. DANCING fans shall sing of his reign and glorious washboard abs for seasons to come. But, maybe not so surprisingly, Kellie Pickler was not his queen. The twitter-savvy teen fanbase came through for Zendaya yet again. It's a good thing, too, because the 16-year-old announced that she won't be attending any other proms. Tom Bergeron seemed a bit dismayed to hear it, but I say why bother when you've already got a crown, a sash, and had a date that could actually dance. Unless she's really into sloppy hook-ups, gossip and popularity contests, chances are it isn't going to get any better than that.

The Encore

For some inexplicable reason, the DWTS twitter army opted to see Sean Lowe's awful Y.M.C.A. cha-cha again. If you ask me, he looked like someone's well-intentioned but clueless jock brother who can't dance worth a damn and got roped into performing with his overbearing gf. It was only moderately entertaining the first time around and significantly less so the second. Fortunately, it did mean getting to see Bruno Tonioli in all his flamboyant glory as a back-up dancer in a leather get-up that would make the Village People proud.

The Superlatives

The stars donned some silly, party-favor finery and stepped into the photo booth to dish out a few superlatives to stand in place of a full prom court:

Class Clown - Andy "Except When He Cries" Dick

Most Likely to Flirt with the Judges - Lisa "Take Off Your Kit" Vanderpump

Hottest Guy - Derek "Gleb Thinks It's Gleb" Hough

Black Guy On the Show Who Has No Rhythm - D.L. "Every Time I Move My Hips A Kid Pops Out" Hughley

Most Likely to Knock You Out - Kellie "I Made New Four New Friends" Pickler

Most Likely to Talk Back to the Judges - Victor "I'm Not a Bad Person" Ortiz

Best Farter - Jacoby "Smoldering Like a Volcano" Jones

Most Likely to Get a 10 From Len - Nobody

The Performances

Huey Lewis and the News gave a timeless performance of their thirty-year old chart-topper, "The Heart of Rock & Roll." Demi Lovato gave a somewhat less timeless performance of her new single "Heartattack." Somebody call Taylor Swift, because I think the ex-Disney star might have nabbed her diary. Who else could possibly dream up the horrid lyric, "you make me wanna act like a girl, paint my nails and wear high heels?"

The real show stealers were Macy's Stars of Dance, with their physics-defying, pre-taped routine-in-reverse, choreographed by Nick Florez and RJ Durell. If you missed tonight's episode, make sure to check it out because it is not to be missed.

The Chopping Block

I don't know who is picking up the phone to keep D.L. Hughley around, but whoever they are, they need a stern talking-to. The hopeless and hapless comedian evaded the chopping block this week despite having the second lowest score, leaving Andy Dick, Lisa Vanderpump and Wynonna Judd in the bottom.

Lisa wiggled her way out of the danger zone first, probably (hopefully) thanks to those shirtless pics of Gleb she tweeted earlier in the week. Luckily, Wynonna was so godawful that there was just no keeping her around, so Andy Dick lives to dance (or at least entertaintain) again.

The Debate

The DWTS Team did take a breather from all the glitz and Glee to talk about an issue that rests heavily on everyone's minds with the season now well underway: are the judges harder on the ladies or the gents? The judges and dancers weighed in, noting that the gals tend to lock down higher scores on average (8.1 to the guys' 7.8) but that more men have taken home the mighty mirrorball trophy (8 to the ladies' 7). Mark Ballas suspects that all the fellas really need is a charming smile to get away with stiff or sloppy posture, while the ladies are expected to deliver in both form and performance. So, what do you think? Are the ladies held to a higher standard because they're naturally better or are the guys getting cut some real slack?

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