Quotables from NBC's LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON, Week of 4/22

Below, check out quotables from NBC's "LATE NIGHT WITH Jimmy Fallon" for the week of APRIL 22 - APRIL 28:

Welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Here's what people are talking about. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have finalized their divorce, and they did it two weeks before they were scheduled to go to trial. Man- even their divorce ended before it really started.

That's right, after 536 days, Kim Kardashian's divorce is over. Which explains why the anchors on E! News are just staring blankly into the camera.

Yeah, Kim said it's nice to finally not be married after over a year of sort of not being married.

Hey I just saw that NBC has canceled its reality dating show "Ready for Love" after just three episodes. Other NBC shows were like, "They Made it to three episodes?? What's their secret??"

Yeah, viewers complained the show was complicated and confusing. Marking the first time a dating show has been canceled for being exactly like dating.

Man, people are really into E!'s new Reality Show "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" It premiered last night and I don't wanna say it's hard to watch, but even Honey Boo Boo was like, "Did this guy hit his head or something?"

Yeah, last night was the premiere of "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" Or as Ryan Lochte put it, "Cool, who's in it?"

More TV news. The producers of "American Idol" are coming out with a new Reality Show about college a cappella singers. Yeah, when they heard viewers were like (PLEADING) "Okay, okay we'll watch Ready For Love!"

And finally, a scientist says he has Made a recording of what the Big Bang might have sounded like. Of course, it was awkward when he was like, "Pull my finger."

Welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Here's what people are talking about. New York politician Anthony Weiner...you guys remember him right? Well, now they're saying he might be running for mayor of New York City, and I guess he's trying to get the word out, because this week Anthony Weiner returned to Twitter. And that's just what my computer needs - more pop-ups.

Here's a nice story out of Washington. Tonight, President Obama invited all 20 female Senators over to dinner at the White House. Or as one guy put it, (CLINTON) "Man, I miss that job."

Oh man, this isn't good. There's talk that Apple CEO Tim Cook might get fired soon because of the company's bad performance in the stock market. You can tell Tim Cook is trying to keep his job, because he was like, "Have you tried turning the company off and back on again? (Usually works)

Did you see this? Yesterday, the Backstreet Boys received their own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Of course it was awkward when they had to ask one of the guys from 98 Degrees to stop sleeping on it.

Check this out. The History Channel miniseries "The Bible" is being cut down to three hours so that it can be released in theaters. And this is cool, apparently theaters will be able to feed an entire audience with just one bucket of popcorn. (It's a miracle)

Get this. A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. Yeah, I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years.

And finally, there were no injuries last week when a woman in Florida crashed her car into a Target store. But in her defense, the store DID have a giant Target on it.

Welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Here's what people are talking about. Microsoft founder Bill Gates is in a little trouble today. Apparently people in South Korea are mad at him for giving a one-handed handshake to the country's president, which over there is a sign of disrespect. And in hindsight, the hand-buzzer wasn't a great choice, either.

South Koreans are really upset about it, but Gates says it's just a "miscommunication." While Americans say it "payback for Gangnam Style."

Here's some news out of Washington. It turns out that Joe Biden's office will not be affected by recent budget cuts, even though the White House is cutting back. When he heard the news, Biden was like, "I have an office??"

This is kind of a weird story. The Cleveland Cavaliers have just hired Mike Brown as their new head coach, even though they fired him from the same job three years ago. That must have been a pretty awkward interview. "So what makes you qualified for this job?" "Uh...I used to have it?" (We'll consider you.)

Yep, first the Caveliers got rid oF Brown, now they want him back. Or as Rihanna put it, "Been there."

This is interesting. A new report found that the worst job in the U.S. is being a newspaper reporter. Yeah, they say it's better for writers to focus on fiction - and become a CNN reporter.

And finally, a new study found that the way someone sneezes can say a lot about a person. For example, if they hold a sneeze in, they're humble. If they cover it, they're respectful. And if they just sneeze into the air, they're standing next to you on the subway.

Welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Here's what people are talking about. Justin Bieber just keeps getting into trouble. In fact, today police in Sweden found marijuana on his tour bus. Which explains why Bieber was like, "Hey, what's the name of that song where I say 'baby' over and over?"

Some more celebrity news. Yesterday, People magazine released its annual Most Beautiful list which features Jennifer Lawrence, Adele, and Kerry Washington. Or as John Mayer calls it, his "to do" list.

Hey, this is cool. There's a new iPhone app that tells women where they can buy Michelle Obama's clothes. Not only that - there's another app that tells men where they can buy Hillary Clinton's clothes.

I saw that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie - we love him. Well, he was in Texas today for the dedication of George W. Bush's presidential library. The library is already done, but they brought in Christie for a second ground breaking.

Some big movie news. It was just announced that "Iron Man 3" will be released in China next Friday. Of course, most people in China will just wait and buy a bootleg in Americatown.

And finally, the stars of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" have a new project in the works. Yeah, they say they're working on a family cookbook. Which sounds good until you find out that the first recipe is just going to McDonald's.

Welcome to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! Here's what people are talking about. The NFL Draft is well under way, right across the street at Radio City Music Hall, and last night the New York Jets chose Alabama cornerback Dee Milliner. And as of this evening, he's still on the run. ("They'll never make me play!")

And this is big news. It turns out that former Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o did not get picked in the first round of the draft. But they told him he was, so it's all good.

Oh I love this. Yesterday, Michael Bublé gave an impromptu a capella performance in a New York City subway station. Which was great news for commuters and terrible news for the guy who makes his living playing an empty paint bucket. "Anyone wanna hear 'Lean on Me' again?"

Check this out. A new poll found that former Congressman Anthony Weiner only has a 15 percent chance of winning the race for New York City mayor. Although in his defense, he's a grower, not a show-er. (Technically he's both)

Listen to this. After being named the unhappiest and the fattest state in the country, West Virginia has now been named the most stressed-out state. Researchers aren't sure why, but they think it might have something to do with being called sad and fat. (Rough year)

And finally, a woman in Florida is being praised for turning in over 36 thousand dollars in cash to the police after finding it on a golf course. Authorities are saying it's a selfless move, while the woman's like, "Good. Because I found 80 thousand dollars."

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