Quotables From SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's 'Weekend Update' 5/15 Edition

"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR Seth Meyers - "A Congressional Committee on Tuesday heard testimony regarding the Gulf of Mexico oil spill from executives representing BP, Transocean and Halliburton.  Or as they're also known, hear no evil, see no evil, and evil."

MEYERS - "BP said Sunday that since the containment dome failed they may shoot debris such as shredded tires and golf balls into the well's blowout preventer in an attempt to clog up and stop the leak.  Although you know what plugs up a big leak better than golf balls? Almost anything.I gotta say when rich dudes come up with golf balls as the solution, you know they are just looking around the room and naming things "Usual Suspects"-style...oh hey, I know what we should next, uh cuff links."

MEYERS - "President Obama on Monday announced that his Supreme Court nominee would be Elena Kagan, who if confirmed, would be the third New Yorker on the court.  Nothing wrong with that; the real trouble doesn't start until you have 5 New Yorkers on the court." KEY: NY KNICKS

MEYERS - "Spirit Airlines announced this week that it is installing new seats on its planes that can't move back because they are already inclined by 3 inches.  Worse, they're inclined FORWARD."

MEYERS - "A company in England is selling colonies of pubic lice to people to set loose on their ex-lovers.  It's the perfect way to say 'you were right to break up with me.'"

MEYERS - "An alpaca farmer in Pennsylvania is shearing off the wool of his flock to donate to efforts to sop up oil washing up on the Gulf Coast.  "Oh sure, he's the hero," said his shivering alpacas."

MEYERS - "Fire and emergency medical services are dealing with the problem that more and more of their applicants are overweight and out of shape.  So they're asking that if you have a heart attack higher than the second floor, try to roll down the stairs."

MEYERS - "Actor Danny Glover, who was giving the commencement address at Utah State University on Sunday, was booed by the audience when he failed to put his hand over his heart during the national anthem.  Glover says he would have, but every time he does, someone calls an ambulance."

MEYERS - "A man and woman in Russia are planning to marry after they met and fell in love on a bridge that they separately planned to commit suicide from.  So good luck with that wedding toast, best man."

"Saturday Night Live," NBC's Emmy Award-winning late-night comedy showcase, enters its 35th season September 26, 2009 for another year of laughs, surprises and great performances.

Over the last three decades, "SNL" has launched the careers of many of the brightest comedy performers of a generation; and, as The New York Times noted on the occasion of the show's Emmy-winning 25th Anniversary special in 1999: "In defiance of both time and show business convention, "SNL" is still the most pervasive influence on the art of comedy in contemporary culture." At the close of the century, "Saturday Night Live" placed seventh on Entertainment Weekly's list of the Top 100 Entertainers of the past fifty years.

The program has won 21 Emmy Awards and been nominated for scores more. "SNL" has been honored twice, in 1990 and 2009, with the prestigious George Foster Peabody Award and cited as "truly a national institution." "Saturday Night Live" was inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame by the National Association of Broadcasters, and the show continues to garner the highest ratings of any late-night television program, entertaining millions each week.

"SNL" sketches still bear repeating on Monday mornings. With live show surprises, especially those timed to the election - from Barack Obama's surprise walk-on, Hillary Clinton's performance opposite Amy Poehler, and Senator John McCain's "Weekend Update" appearance - "SNL" is making headlines and influencing the political dialogue while skewering it at the same time. Beyond politics, the show's cast of recurring characters and take on pop culture targets remains spot-on. The addition of the show's Emmy Award-winning SNL Digital Shorts continues to keep the show as current today as it was when it debuted.

The impressive lineup of "SNL" guest hosts last season featured some of the biggest stars of film, television, music and sports including: Michael Phelps, James Franco, Anne Hathaway, Jon Hamm, Ben Affleck, Paul Rudd, Neil Patrick Harris, Steve Martin, Bradley Cooper, Alec Baldwin, Zac Efron and Justin Timberlake.

The show continued its unparalleled tradition of featuring both blockbuster and breakout musical acts, hosting such performers as Kings of Leon, Duffy, The Killers, Adele, Coldplay, Beyonce, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Jonas Brothers, Kelly Clarkson, Phoenix and Green Day.

"Saturday Night Live," which premiered Oct. 11, 1975, is broadcast live from NBC's famed Studio 8H in New York City's Rockefeller Center. The program is a production of Broadway Video in association with SNL Studios. Lorne Michaels is the executive producer.

To post a comment, you must register and login.