Quotables From SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's 'Weekend Update' 4/24 Edition

"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR Seth Meyers - "Greece, which is plagued by financial debt, appealed to its European partners and the IMF on Friday for a 60 billion dollar rescue package. Things are so bad that many have started referring to the country as Grease 2."

MEYERS - "This week Arizona signed the toughest illegal immigration law in the country which would allow police to demand identification papers from anyone they suspect is in the country illegally. I know there are some people in Arizona worried that Obama is acting like Hitler but can we all agree there is nothing more Nazi than saying "show me your papers." There's never been a World War II movie that didn't include the line "Show me your papers." It's their catch-phrase. Every time someone says, "Show me your papers," Hitler's family gets a residual check. So heads up Arizona, that's Fascism. I know, I know, it's a dry Fascism, but it's still Fascism."

MEYERS - "After being shut down for a week due to the volcanic ash cloud, flights resumed over Europe Wednesday. Experts say the disruption cost the airline industry an estimated 1.7 billion dollars not counting the 94 shillings lost by the grounding of Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang."

MEYERS - "Hector Penate, a baseball coach and aspiring actor, said in an interview this week that he had an affair with Larry King's wife Shawn Southwick and that they "had sex in Larry's bed." Where I imagiNe You can go pretty crazy, cause there's railings on both sides."

MEYERS - "In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Nadya Suleman said that the nickname Octomom makes her feel like a "carnival attraction." Also not helping, this is the noise her Vagina makes..."

MEYERS - "Glamour was named Magazine of the Year on Thursday by the National Magazine Awards. It was also named Best Magazine by Magazine Magazine."

MEYERS - "This week the Papacy of Pope Benedict turned 5 years old. At which point a priest hit on it."

MEYERS - "A man in Connecticut was arrested for driving 5 mph in a 40 mph zone while in possession of PCP and a 9 year old in the car with him. Driving 5 in a 40, you know what I call that? Bad PCP."

MEYERS - "A woman in England who lost her arm in a car crash was appalled to discover that her wedding ring was stolen off her severed limb after being brought to the hospital. There is some good news, though. The ambulance driver's girlfriend said yes!"

MEYERS - "A water aerobics class in Australia was postponed Tuesday when a 5-foot long alligator entered the pool. At which point I'm guessing the "intermediate" class suddenly became ‘advanced.'"

MEYERS - "A woman in Utah who blindfolded her husband, promising him a surprise, then hit him in the head with a hammer was sentenced to 30 days of home onfinement. To which her husband replied, "Wait... home?!? That's where me and the hammers are!"

MEYERS - "ABC this week refused to air an ad from plus-size clothing company Lane Bryant during Dancing with the Stars, saying that the ad featured too much cleavage. And yet the Offensive bears with toilet paper stuck to their asses continue their televised reign of terror."

MEYERS - A man in China who only has an elementary school education is preparing to attend the Shanghai World Expo to show off his 47 robots, which he made on his farm. Though keep in mind, what he calls robots are just sheep wrapped in tin foil."

"Saturday Night Live," NBC's Emmy Award-winning late-night comedy showcase, enters its 35th season September 26, 2009 for another year of laughs, surprises and great performances.

Over the last three decades, "SNL" has launched the careers of many of the brightest comedy performers of a generation; and, as The New York Times noted on the occasion of the show's Emmy-winning 25th Anniversary special in 1999: "In defiance of both time and show business convention, "SNL" is still the most pervasive influence on the art of comedy in contemporary culture." At the close of the century, "Saturday Night Live" placed seventh on Entertainment Weekly's list of the Top 100 Entertainers of the past fifty years.

The program has won 21 Emmy Awards and been nominated for scores more. "SNL" has been honored twice, in 1990 and 2009, with the prestigious George Foster Peabody Award and cited as "truly a national institution." "Saturday Night Live" was inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame by the National Association of Broadcasters, and the show continues to garner the highest ratings of any late-night television program, entertaining millions each week.

"SNL" sketches still bear repeating on Monday mornings. With live show surprises, especially those timed to the election - from Barack Obama's surprise walk-on, Hillary Clinton's performance opposite Amy Poehler, and Senator John McCain's "Weekend Update" appearance - "SNL" is making headlines and influencing the political dialogue while skewering it at the same time. Beyond politics, the show's cast of recurring characters and take on pop culture targets remains spot-on. The addition of the show's Emmy Award-winning SNL Digital Shorts continues to keep the show as current today as it was when it debuted.

The impressive lineup of "SNL" guest hosts last season featured some of the biggest stars of film, television, music and sports including: Michael Phelps, James Franco, Anne Hathaway, Jon Hamm, Ben Affleck, Paul Rudd, Neil Patrick Harris, Steve Martin, Bradley Cooper, Alec Baldwin, Zac Efron and Justin Timberlake.

The show continued its unparalleled tradition of featuring both blockbuster and breakout musical acts, hosting such performers as Kings of Leon, Duffy, The Killers, Adele, Coldplay, Beyonce, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Jonas Brothers, Kelly Clarkson, Phoenix and Green Day.

"Saturday Night Live," which premiered Oct. 11, 1975, is broadcast live from NBC's famed Studio 8H in New York City's Rockefeller Center. The program is a production of Broadway Video in association with SNL Studios. Lorne Michaels is the executive producer.

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