Neo-Futurists Celebrate Worst Films in Summer Festival

Think the past nine years were bad? Get ready for this. The ten-year anniversary of the festival brings even more vapid dialogue, poorly developed characters and contrived plot lines as it explodes from six weeks to ten weeks of performances. Included in the mix are five new films, plus five remounts from previous years that were bigger hits than the movies themselves! Remounts were chosen by public vote, so if you want to blame someone, blame yourself. IT CAME FROM THE NEO-FUTURARIUM X: BATTLE FOR THE NEO-FUTURARIUM runs June 16 through August 18, Thursdays at 8:00 p.m. at 5153 N. Ashland. This year's roster of films and artists:

June 16: Night of the Lepus (1972)
Easter bunny? More like FEASTER bunny! What do you do when your Arizona ranch is plagued with rabbits? You call in a zoologist who injects the rabbits with hormones and genetically mutated blood in order to disrupt their reproductive capacity! That'll take care of them... or WILL IT? Come find out if you can survive the horde of huge horrible hares mercilessly nibbling everything in their path! Directed by Jason Meyer.

June 23: Tiptoes (2003)
Little people... big flop! Steve and Carol are having a baby. Little does Carol know that Steve has a twin brother... and that this twin brother is a dwarf. Played by Gary Oldman. On his knees. Trust us-it just gets worse from there. Join us for the most staggeringly misguided look at little people since the Oompa-Loompas! Directed by Noelle Krimm.

June 30: The Black Hole (1979)
The redheaded stepchild of Star Wars! In the year 2030, an exploratory space crew finds a derelict spaceship on the edge of a black hole, and decides to investigate. One giant red robot and one crazy German scientist later, they're rethinking their decision. This sci-fi flop will be narrated by one of its biggest fans-making up for having never staged a version of it in his backyard at age eight! Directed by Jen Ellison and Dave Stinton.

July 7: The Care Bears Movie (1985)
Remount from 2003
Just when you thought it was safe to stop caring...! The reviews are in, and critics agree about one thing: In 1985, the Care Bears made a movie. This summer, the House Theatre of Chicago will bring that movie back to life YET AGAIN in a live concert/staged reading that will take every ounce of caring (and glitter glue) they've got! Join the cast for a thrilling adventure as they make their way through the Forest of Feelings to save the children of Earth from a horribly uncaring future! Directed by Nathan Allen and performed by The House Theatre.

July 14: Devil Girl from Mars (1954)
Remount from 2002
Global annihilation never looked so good! The depths of winter. The Scottish highlands. A secluded country inn. A handful of travelers find themselves at an interplanetary crossroads when a flying saucer lands in the backyard. Will they be able to thwart the evil machinations of a beautiful but merciless alien and her deadly robotic companion? Or are the men of Earth doomed to eternal sexual slavery by a race of technologically advanced warrior women? Find out when the very first film ever staged for It Came From the Neo-Futurarium wreaks its vengeance! Directed by Edward Thomas-Herrera.

July 21: KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)
Remount from 2006
Worse than Gene Simmons' interview on ‘Fresh Air'! Evil scientist Abner Devereaux has found a way to clone humans into robots, and he plots to use a KISS concert as a platform to unleash his plan on the world. Now KISS must use their special powers to stop him! With a makeshift band in full make-up, John Pierson and Steve Walker of Hope & Nonthings take on this TV movie / rock concert / publicity stunt gone awry! Directed by John Pierson and Steve Walker.

July 28: The Apple (1980)
Remount from 2010
After you take a bite from The Apple, you'll never need another disco-influenced opera with overt Biblical allegories ever again! Canadian pop duo Alphie and Bibi travel from Saskatchewan to an America that looks a lot like West Germany, where they face tribulation in the form of the shady Mr. Boogalow and his monolithic music company BIM. Will they be able to resist temptation and save their souls, or will the Day-Glo neon devils condemn them? Co-directed by Rachel Wilson and Geoff Rice and choreographed by Donnell Williams, with musical direction by Curtis Williams-all ensemble members of Barrel of Monkeys.

August 4: The Flaming Urge (1953)
A queer little tale of burning desire! Tom Smith moves to a small town and gets a job selling ties. Little does anyone know that he has a secret... a dark, unnatural secret... yes, it's true... Tom is irresistibly attracted to... watching fires!! Watch as he struggles to repress his homosexu- I mean irresistible attraction to watching fires- under the gaze of a canine companion that (yes!) chases fire engines! Directed by David Kodeski.

August 11: Red Dawn (1984)
Remount from 2004
Wolverines! The ever-looming threat of the 1980s communist invasion was finally brought to harrowing life in this action-thriller-meets-coming-of-age story about brave high schoolers who banded together in small-town Colorado to face down the Red Menace. Feel your paranoid, nationalistic heart swell with pride! Learn why surrender to the Commies is never an option! Remember that it could STILL HAPPEN HERE! Directed by Phil Ridarelli.

August 18: Purple Rain (1984)
That ain't Lake Minnetonka! Just a simple tale of Prince meets girl, Prince loses girl, Prince clunks his way through a subplot involving his abusive father, Prince gets girl back! This musical staged reading with a live band will be, definitively, what it sounds like when doves cry. Trust us. We conducted studies. Directed by Mike Przygoda.

 

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