DAVID LETTERMAN Gives Final Opening Monologue: 'Beginning to Look Like I'm Not Going to Get Tonight Show'

David Letterman signed off the air last night, but not before delivering a hilarious opening monologue. The host revealed a new Las Vegas act and shared send-offs from "The Simpsons" and "Wheel of Fortune" in the show opener.

"I'll be honest with you; it's beginning to look like I'm not going to get The Tonight Show. I'll tell you something else ... I know people are well meaning, but I'm sick and tired of 'What are you gonna do now that you're retired?' You want to know what I'm going to do now that I'm retired? By God, I hope to become the new face of Scientology."

Check out the final monologue below:

About LATE SHOW WITH David Letterman:

One look at the LATE SHOW makes it apparent that the program, which is often imitated but never matched, is unlike any other talk show. With its commitment to showcasing the most sought-after stars in entertainment, music, sports and politics, as well as its around-the-town remotes and visits to local establishments, its surprise guest appearances, inventive comedy segments and signature Top Ten List, the LATE SHOW delivers an unpredictable hour of innovative viewing each night.

The LATE SHOW has received numerous honors, including 70 Emmy nominations and nine Emmy Awards, including six for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Program in 1994, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002. The show was named Program of the Year at the 1994 Television Critics Awards, and in 1995, 2001, 2011 and 2012, Letterman was nominated for a Career Achievement Award by the TCA. Letterman was awarded the prestigious Johnny Carson Award for Comedic Excellence at Comedy Central's first annual "The Comedy Awards" in March 2011. He has won two American Comedy Awards as Funniest Male Performer in a Television Series and a Foundation Award from the International Radio and Television Society for his "extraordinary domi­nation in late-night television." Letterman was also honored as "Favorite Late Night Talk Show Host" at the 31st Annual People's Choice Awards in 2005.

The LATE SHOW with David Letterman is a production of Worldwide Pants Incorporated. Barbara Gaines, Matt Roberts, Jude Brennan, Maria Pope, Eric Stangel, Justin Stangel and Rob Burnett are the executive producers.

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