News on your favorite shows, specials & more!

Check Out Weekend Update Highlights from NBC's SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

By: Mar. 13, 2017
Enter Your Email to Unlock This Article

Plus, get the best of BroadwayWorld delivered to your inbox, and unlimited access to our editorial content across the globe.




Existing user? Just click login.

Below, check out highlight from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's 'Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che' from THE MARCH 11th broadcast.

"This week Republicans made their best effort to unite the country, by presenting a new healthcare plan that everybody could hate. Together."

"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR COLIN JOST - "It was estimated that the Republicans' healthcare plan gives a 400 billion dollar tax break to the rich, while the poor will receive a box of generic Band-Aids and a travel size bottle of AirBorne."

CHE - "Democrats are upset because a lot of poor people could lose coverage. Conservatives are upset because it doesn't repeal Obamacare enough. And I'm upset because it still doesn't cover medicinal cocaine. And I got a screenplay to finish."

CHE - "The White House is officially calling the bill the 'American Health Care Act.' And not as many in the media have been calling it 'Trumpcare,' or as they probably should be calling it, 'Don't Care.' 'Are you old and poor and losing coverage? Don't care.'"

CHE - "Representative Jason Chaffetz defended the costs of the new healthcare bill, saying that if poor people want insurance they will have to choose between healthcare and 'that new iPhone.' That's ridiculous. How are you supposed to know when you need a doctor, if you don't have an iPhone to FaceTime your junk to Colin, and ask 'Yo man, you ever get this before?'"

CHE - "WikiLeaks released documents, saying the CIA can hack into personal devices and spy on people. Now this is why I'm glad I have black grandparents. They told me the CIA was recording everything years ago. One year I got my grandfather a Universal remote and he smashed it with his dress shoe and said, 'Boy don't you know that's how they got Dr. King!'"

JOST - "It was reported that Jennifer Lopez is now dating Alex Rodriguez. J-Lo and A-Rod go by the cool celebrity couple name of, you guessed it, Alennifex Lodripez."

JOST - "For the second year in a row the happiest city in the country is Naples, Florida. While the least happy city is once again Puppy Funeral, Minnesota."

CHE - "Last week was World Orphan Week. So to all you orphans out there...better luck next year."

CHE - "OJ Simpson could be released from prison as soon as this fall. And ladies, he's single... "

JOST - "The co-founder of the Waffle House passed away this week at 97. He died the way so many Waffle House patrons have: A KNIFE FIGHT in the parking lot."

For more information on "Saturday Night Live," visit http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/



Comments

To post a comment, you must register and login.






Videos