Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON - Week of 6/6

Below, check out quotables from NBC's 'THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON' for the week of June 6-10.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.6.16

You guys, we're so happy to be back on the air after a nice hiatus. Or as the Cleveland Cavaliers call that, "a playoff game."

Oh man, did you see this? Last night, the Golden State Warriors beat the Cavaliers by 33 points in Game 2 of the NBA Finals. Yeah, 33 points! Even people switching over from "Game of Thrones" were like, "This is brutal!"

The other big sports story is that Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals was tonight on NBC. It was the Pittsburgh Penguins versus the San Jose Sharks, but since it was on NBC, they still called it "Chicago: Stanley Cup."

I saw that before tonight's game, members of Metallica performed the Star-Spangled Banner. Yeah, hockey and Metallica -- even Donald Trump was like, (TRUMP) "That's too white."

Meanwhile, we're getting closer to the Summer Olympics in Rio! And this is pretty amazing. I read that identical triplets from Estonia will all run the women's marathon. Which raises the question, why wouldn't they just spread out along the route and pretend they're one person? (It's the perfect plan!)

Let's check in on the election here. Bernie Sanders campaigned in California yesterday ahead of the state's Democratic primary, and even checked out the famous carousel at the Santa Monica Pier. But it got a little awkward when the music stopped and Bernie still wouldn't admit that THE RIDE was over. (BERNIE) "This is gonna be a contested carousel!"

But yesterday was the primary in Puerto Rico, and I read that some lines to vote were over two hours long, and many people just decided to leave. Yeah, I think the Founding Fathers put it best when they said, "Give me liberty or give me death, but I ain't waitin two hours. Hell no!"

And after weeks of hesitation, Paul Ryan finally endorsed Donald Trump for president on Thursday. When asked what influenced his decision, Ryan said, "Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax."

But Trump created even more controversy recently by claiming the judge presiding over his Trump University lawsuit is biased, and said he should be disqualified because of his Mexican heritage. When asked if his attacks would hurt his standing with Hispanic voters, Trump was like (TRUMP) "Good point, Hispanics should be disqualified from voting, too. They shouldn't vote. They don't like me!"

That's right, Trump claims that a judge of Mexican descent is biased against him, and even went on to say a Muslim judge would treat him unfairly as well. Trump said the only fair way to judge anyone is to hold a swimsuit contest. That makes sense...then everybody wins!

Actually, a new poll done in the U.K. finds that women spend 17 minutes a day debating what outfit to wear, while men spend 13 minutes. And 12 of those minutes are spent on the sniff test to decide if that outfit is "clean".

And listen to this. There's a new app aimed at businessmen called "Recharge," which lets you rent hotel rooms by the hour to take a nap or shower. And also - (ASIDE) that's definitely not what it's really for.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.7.16

Some big election news. It's being reported that Hillary Clinton now has enough delegates to secure the Democratic nomination. That's right. Hillary was so excited when she found out that she asked her staff to schedule 15 seconds of smiling.

That's right, Hillary Clinton has apparently earned enough delegates to clinch the nomination. Hillary told her assistant to break out the champagne - and he said, "Actually, you drank it all when Trump secured HIS nomination..." (Remember?)

Of course Hillary had to reach the threshold of 2,383 delegates to become the presumptive nominee. Hillary hasn't been this excited about a threshold since the one she carried Bill over on their wedding night. (BILL) "Put me down!"

This morning, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi endorsed Hillary Clinton for president, and said it would be "fabulous" if she picks a female running mate. Hillary said, "Good idea- do you know anyone who didn't wait to endorse me until THE DAY I CLINCHED THE NOMINATION???"

Some more trouble for Donald Trump. Today, Paul Ryan said what Trump is saying about a judge of Mexican heritage is the "textbook definition of a racist comment." Even worse, that textbook is made by Trump University.

I saw that Elizabeth Warren recently compared Trump University to a used car dealership taking advantage of people. That's not really a fair comparison, since, unlike a degree from Trump University, a used car can actually get you somewhere.

Oh this was kind of scary. NASA just confirmed that an asteroid that entered the Earth's atmosphere last week actually caused a SONIC BOOM over Arizona. So don't worry everyone - if an asteroid comes close to the Earth, NASA will be sure to fill us in....a few days later.

And finally a little celebrity news. Kylie Jenner recently posted a Snapchat video of herself giving two little boys a hundred dollars for just two cups of lemonade. Nobody has paid that much for lemonade since...Jay Z.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.8.16

The big story is that last night, Hillary Clinton earned enough delegates to be the Democratic nominee, making her the first woman to secure a major party's nomination. She gave a moving speech afterwards, and told the crowd "tonight belongs to all of you." Then Bernie Sanders was like, (BERNIE) "Oh - so NOW she's a socialist!" (Great timing!)

But Bernie Sanders has still not conceded the race, and said there's actually a chance he could end up being the nominee. Unfortunately for Bernie, that chance involves a Delorian and a flux capacitor. (BERNIE) "We've got to go back!"

And over on the Republican side, Donald Trump gave a big speech last night, where he said that he understands the responsibility of carrying the Republican mantle and said that he will "never ever let you down." Then he was like, (TRUMP) "Starting...now!" Andddd go!

Meanwhile, some senior aides working with Donald Trump told NBC News that his campaign is actually severely understaffed and very disorganized. Even crazier, most of Trump's speeches are written by throwing poetry magnets at a fridge. (TRUMP) "Tremendous spark must never foot."

And listen to this. Despite some major setbacks, Brazil's Sports Minister is insisting that Rio is ready to host the Summer Olympics in August, saying people who attend will have a great experience. When asked what he's looking forward to the most, the minister was like, "Oh, I'm not gonna be there!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.9.16

Welcome to The Tonight Show! I'm your host, Jimmy Fallon, and man do we have a big show for you guys tonight. The President of the United States is on the show.

That's right President Barack Obama is here, which means even HE can't score tickets to Hamilton.

Of course it's stressful being president and not everyone is always happy with you. In fact, many members of Congress have stated they've felt the President had been aloof or distant with them, and complained that he didn't spend enough time with them. But here's my question- if your best friends are Jay Z and Beyonce, would you waste time hanging out with members of Congress? (OBAMA) "Uh, see what Harry Reid's up to this weekend! Hey Harry, what's baking?"

The president has a lot going on as he wraps up his term in office including the construction of his official presidential library, which will be built in Chicago. It will be a place devoted entirely to Obama and his achievements, or as that's also known, MSNBC.

Actually so much really has happened during President Obama's administration. Obamacare was passed, same sex marriage was legalized, and he worked with 11 other countries to sign the historic Trans-Pacific Partnership. Whereas Donald Trump just walked around Epcot and INSULTED every country. (TRUMP) "Holland - your clogs are ugly! Belgium - I hate your waffles!"

Hey speaking of Trump, the co-founder of Home Depot recently announced he is supporting Donald Trump. He wasn't planning to, but when your colors are orange and white, you kind of have to go with Donald Trump. You gotta do it.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 6.10.16

Hillary Clinton got a huge boost for her campaign yesterday, when President Obama released a video message endorsing her for president. He said he reached the decision entirely on his own, but the video WAS filmed in Hillary's basement and began with Obama holding up that day's newspaper.

The video of Obama endorsing Hillary already has thousands of views online - seventeen if you don't count Hillary.

Obama actually endorsed Hillary just hours after he met with Bernie Sanders at the White House. We should have known Bernie was in trouble when he left the White House without a rose.

Now that Hillary's the presumptive nominee, many Democrats are pressuring her to pick a female running mate for an all female ticket. Hillary was like, "Yeah, let's see how this all female Ghostbusters does first."

But get this. The State Department says it will take about 75 years to go through the emails Hillary sent when she was Secretary of State. While it'll take about 76 years to get through one e-mail written by my mom. (MOM, TYPING) "Then after the movie we went out to eat. I had the fish I never have the fish...(And that's all written in the subject line, too.)

Over on the Republican side, I read Donald Trump is not expected to meet his fundraising goal of one billion dollars. Unless of course he just finds it in his pants after doing the laundry. (TRUMP) "Oh look - a billion dollars. And now it smells Downy fresh."

And I saw that Governor John Kasich just signed a law that will make medical marijuana legal in Ohio and it'll take effect in 90 days. It'll be a welcome relief against Ohio's glaucoma outbreak, which will ALSO take effect in 90 days. Yeah...that's what's wrong with me...

Speaking of weed. I saw that our old pal Snoop Dogg was asked to throw out the first pitch at the San Diego Padres game this week, but his throw went way outside to the right. And also, it was a bag of Funyuns, and he was in a 7-Eleven.

Meanwhile, "The Conjuring 2" comes out this weekend, and the movie's based on evil spirits haunting an English family. That's right - an old ghost that wouldn't leave a home in England. Or as Prince Charles put it, (ASIDE) "Like I told you, she's a bloody vampire!"

Get this. A British company is releasing a "beer for dogs" made with barley and malt. Yeah beer for dogs. Of course, your dog has to be three years old to buy it.

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