Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 8/13-8/17

Check out quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 8/13-8/17 below:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.13.18

Well, tonight was an all-new episode of "Bachelor in Paradise." But if you really wanna see some reality stars go at it on TV, just check out Omarosa and President Trump.

Yeah the big story is Omarosa. She's been promoting her new book "Unhinged." It's about her time in the White House, and she claims President Trump has "mentally declined." Trump was furious, he said "This book is an outrage and... what were we talking about again?"

And did you hear about this? In her new book, Omarosa claims she once walked in on Trump in the Oval Office eating a piece of paper. On the bright side, that's actually the healthiest thing he's ever eaten.

That's right, she said that Trump ate a piece of paper in the Oval Office. But I think Trump was just confused, cuz it was a note from an angry staffer that said, "Eat me."

But before all this got out, Trump's campaign tried to keep Omarosa quiet by offering her $180,000 in hush money. When Stormy Daniels heard, she was like, "Oh God, what did she have to do for the extra 50,000?"

But the president's been keeping busy. On Friday night, he had dinner with the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook. And this was nice - Trump even picked up the check - but then he ate it.

An 11 year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state elections website and change results in under 10 minutes. So, get ready to meet Florida's next Governor: Fortnite McDeadpool.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.14.18

Well last night, President Trump returned to the White House after his 11-day vacation. Trump's excited, he says it's nice to get back home and tweet in his own bed again.

The big story is that Omarosa's new book, "Unhinged," came out today. And this is cool - Omarosa even had the whole White House staff record the audiobook - they just didn't know it.

That's right, Omarosa's new book is out today. You can find it at most bookstores in the section marked, "I Can't Believe This Is U.S. History."

I saw that in the book, Omarosa claims that Trump refers to Education Secretary Betsy DeVos as "Ditzy DeVos." When Betsy heard, she was like, "Wait, have I been saying it wrong this whole time?"

And Omarosa also claims that Melania can't wait for Trump to leave office so that she can DIVORCE him. In response, Melania said, "That's outrageous - I told her that in confidence."

Listen to this, guys. I read that a few companies are trying to create electric planes that run on batteries. Which means soon you'll hear a pilot say, "Sorry for the delay, we just gotta change 800,000 double-A batteries."

Oh, I saw that USA Today just published a guide to help older people understand teenage slang. Meanwhile, Buzzfeed made a guide to help teenagers understand what USA Today is.

And finally, I read about a new, bright-blue colored wine that's being served in France. They even have a name for it: Chateau de Windex.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.15.18

I can tell you guys are an amazing crowd, so we have a very special treat for you - if you look under your seats, you will NOT find a copy of Omarosa's new book! (You're welcome!)

Omarosa's new book "Unhinged" is out, and it's already an Amazon Best Seller. But that's just because Trump frantically bought up all the copies so no one could read it.

But I saw that Omarosa says she was interviewed by the head of the Russia investigation, Robert Mueller. Before they started, Mueller said, "This interview is being recorded," and Omarosa was like, "Yeah I know, I'm THE ONE recording it."

And on "Fox & Friends" this morning, Brian Kilmeade said that Omarosa had "outsmarted" Trump. Though to be fair, Trump's also been outsmarted by the child safety locks in his limo.

I saw that White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders couldn't guarantee there's no tape of Trump using racial slurs. Sarah said, "At this point - think of anything, and there's probably a tape of Trump doing it."

Yeah, in the past few weeks, Trump has insulted several notable African Americans like Omarosa, LeBron James, and Don Lemon. But today, Trump said he'll stop - cuz those are all the African Americans he knows.

And finally, I saw that Home Depot just had its best quarter in company history. When asked what they'll do with the money, Home Depot said, "Hire a second employee!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.16.18

Guys, Ariana Grande in on the show tonight! She is here promoting her new album "Sweetener." And honestly, it's just nice to talk about a recording that wasn't made by Omarosa.

That's right, today, Omarosa released another secret recording. On this one, Eric Trump's wife Lara offers Omarosa $180,000 so she won't say anything negative about the White House. Then Melania said, "Hey, that's way more than I'm getting!"

But get this. In her book, "Unhinged," Omarosa says the White House staff has immediate access to any prescription drugs they need. Americans heard that and were like, "Yeah, we all did - it was called Obamacare!"

I saw that Best Buy just purchased a company that provides emergency response services. So the next time you're having a heart attack, don't worry, the Geek Squad will be over tomorrow between 2 and 4 to save your life.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.17.18

I heard that a cold front is headed toward New York this weekend. While down in Washington, they're still assessing the damage from Hurricane Omarosa.

I read that all the White House staffers are wondering when the next Omarosa tape will come out, and what will be on it. When experts said the tapes could cost them their jobs, the staffers were like, "Sweet! Release the tapes!"

I heard about a 6-year old in Utah who used her mom's Amazon account to order 350-dollars' worth of toys and video games. As punishment, the girl was sent to her room - where she had an awesome time!

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