Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 7/30-8/3

Check out quotables from last week's TONIGHT SHOW:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.30.18

Guys, the new "Mission Impossible" movie won the box office this weekend, bringing in over $60 million. They've already come up with the plot for the next "Mission Impossible" - getting Rudy Giuliani to stop talking.

Giuliani's been doing lots of interviews trying to defend President Trump with the Russia investigation. Today he said, "Collusion isn't illegal." Even Trump was like, "Why can't this guy think before he speaks?!"

I saw that Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from "Jeopardy!" in 2020. When asked what he'll do in retirement, Trebek said, "What is...start drinking at noon."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 7.31.18

President Trump now says that he'd be willing to meet with the president of Iran. After Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin, Trump said it's the last meeting he needs to win "Dictator Bingo."

That's right, Trump said he'd be willing to meet with Iran's President Hassan Rouhani "anytime they want." In response, Putin said, "If you're trying to make me jealous...it's working."

And earlier tonight, Trump flew to Tampa, Florida, for a big rally. But before he left, he put Rudy Giuliani in a kennel so he wouldn't destroy everything while he's gone.

I saw that right before the rally, Trump took part in a workforce development roundtable. And just to mess with Trump, the organizers told him to sit at the head of the roundtable - then watched him walk around in circles for 20 minutes.

Some tech news. Facebook is working on a "talent show" feature that would let users record themselves singing and then upload their videos for comments. Facebook even has a catchy name for it: "YouTube."

And finally, police in Maine just pulled over a man who drove a scooter all the way from Massachusetts using his cell phone as a headlight. Police had a lot of questions, mainly, "How'd you get your battery to last that long?!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.1.18

Well, crazy news out of Florida. Last night, a man in Tampa was spotted wandering around in public, rambling incoherent nonsense about the government. Even crazier, that man was our president.

That's right, President Trump held a giant rally in Tampa last night, with thousands of people in attendance. The crowd was very diverse - it was half white, half Caucasian.

Hey, I read that Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over one trillion dollars. Then Americans looked at their drawer full of old iPods and said, "Yeah, seems right."

I heard about a guy here in New York who swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. And if you wanna meet him in person, services are being held on 43rdStreet at the Sherwood Funeral Home.

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet! We scored 4 runs! Awesome!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.2.18

Following his rally in Florida on Tuesday, tonight President Trump held another rally in Pennsylvania. But after two rallies in 48-hours, even Trump's running out of facts to make up. (TRUMP) "My approval rating is better than Beyoncé's."

Yeah, Trump gave a speech in Pennsylvania. But things got a little awkward when he started ranting about how no Amish people follow him on Twitter.

That's right, Trump went to Pennsylvania, where he spoke in support of Republican Congressional candidate Lou Barletta. But Trump only endorsed Lou Barletta cuz he thought he's the guy who sang "Mambo #5." ("A little bit of Melania, in my life.")

And I heard that this week at the White House, Trump met with a group of pastors. Yeah, apparently the pastors wanted to see what it was like to meet someone who's broken all Ten Commandments.

Some entertainment news. Warner Brothers just announced they're going to reboot the 80s TV show "ALF." And this is crazy -- President Trump has already asked ALF to be Commander of the "Space Force."

Get this. I heard that LeBron James went on the court and showed off his skills before his son's basketball game. All the other parents were like, "Cool, but you were supposed to bring orange slices."

I saw that Dunkin Donuts just introduced its first-ever gluten free menu item. It's perfect for people who care about what they put in their body but also don't.

IHOP says their burger sales quadrupled after they changed their name to "The International House of Burgers." That's right, they've sold four burgers!

Check this out. Kentucky just hosted a convention where 525 ventriloquists from around the country got together. The ventriloquists called it "very fun," while the hotel bartender called it, "The creepiest night of my life."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 8.3.18

Guys, I heard that tomorrow President Trump is speaking at a rally in Ohio, and at the same time, Stormy Daniels will be at a strip club just 90 miles away. Or as Trump put it, "I'm gonna be a little late to the rally." ("Just two minutes.")

I saw that this week, Trump said that if Congress won't pay for his border wall, he might shut down the government. So basically, Trump's solution for America is to turn it off, and then turn it back on again.

Listen to this. The Defense Department is now taking its first steps to create the Space Force. And this is very interesting - Trump's already ordered Rudy Giuliani to be the first one launched into space.

I heard that Uber is going to start putting tiny vending machines in some of their cars. So now you get to make small talk with the driver, AND the guy restocking the vending machine.

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