Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 3/12-3/16

Check out quotables from last week's TONIGHT SHOW:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.12.18

Are you guys excited about March Madness?! Not the basketball tournament, I'm talking about Trump's speech over the weekend. Did you see that? It was insane.

Yes, on Saturday, Trump spoke at a big campaign rally in Pennsylvania. And at one point, he said he really can't wait for 2020, while the rest of America was like, "Neither can we!"

Trump's rally was in Moon Township, Pennsylvania. And when he got to Moon Township, he said, "Wow - this place looks EXACTLY like Earth!"

Listen to this. In a new interview, Elon Musk was asked who inspires him and he said "Kanye West." Kanye was like, "What a coincidence, the guy who inspires me is...also Kanye West."

Get this. Researchers just unveiled a robot that can play Scrabble. It's pretty realistic - it even gets bored halfway through and stops playing.

In other tech news, engineers for Disney theme parks are developing technology to change a ride's path depending on how scared the riders are. And this is weird: Southwest Airlines is doing the same thing.

And finally, yesterday was Selection Sunday, so March Madness has officially arrived! 12 hours a day of college basketball - or as sports fans call it, "Payback for The Bachelor."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.13.18

Today, President Trump announced on Twitter that he fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. People said, "Can you believe he was so disrespectful to a Secretary of State?" Then Hillary Clinton said, "Yes, actually I can."

That's right, Tillerson only found out he was fired when Trump tweeted about it. Even Becca from "The Bachelor" was like, "Man, that's cold!"

That's right, Tillerson learned he was fired by seeing the president's tweet. It got even worse when Trump called him five minutes later and asked why he didn't retweet it.

It's pretty amazing. In the past few weeks, Gary Cohn, Hope Hicks and now Rex Tillerson have all left the White House. Most people said they're "shocked," while Betsy DeVos was like, "Wait, how the hell am I still here?"

I read that people close to Tillerson said there wasn't a single hint that he'd be fired. Though in fairness, there was one HUGE hint: he worked for Donald Trump.

Today, I heard Trump has been telling people that he fired Rex Tillerson all by himself. Trump brags about firing people the same way a toddler brags about using the bathroom alone for the first time. (TRUMP) "I'm a big kid now!"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.14.18

You guys, it's spring break! Yeah, spring break is that special time of year when memories are made...then completely forgotten by the next morning.

A lot of Americans are taking a break right now. In fact, today, President Trump took a whole day off from firing people.

I heard that Trump wants to fire his Secretary of Veterans Affairs. Trump says he might do the job himself, since he's a veteran of several affairs.

You guys, this Saturday is St. Patrick's Day! And I read about a student in New York who just won $250,000 for his research on the Irish Potato Famine. He was also voted the least fun person at a St. Patrick's Day party. ("What else can I tell you about potatoes?")

I saw that a Norwegian man just won the annual Iditarod dog-sled race, which goes for 900 miles across Alaska. He was like, "We did it!" Then his dogs were like, "I'm sorry, who's this 'we'?"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.15.18

You guys, it is spring break! Just remember, the partying lasts a week, but the photos will cost you jobs forever!

I saw that Cancun, Mexico, was just named the best spring break destination, and thousands of Americans are expected to visit. Then the people of Mexico were like, "Never thought we'd say this, but what's the ETA on Trump's wall?"

March Madness is officially underway! I read an interesting poll - it says that 17% of March Madness viewers watched a game with their boss last year. Bosses called it "tons of fun!" While employees called it "mandatory."

Let's get to some news here. Today, President Trump had a meeting with Bill Gates. At one point, both of them looked at each other and go, "Wow, what a TERRIBLE haircut."

Gates and Trump actually have a lot in common because they've both given away millions of dollars. Gates calls it "philanthropy," while Trump just calls it "hush money."

Here's a big story. In a meeting with Canada's Prime Minister, Trump said that he just made up a bunch of fake facts about trade. Today Trump was like, "I'm an EXPERT on trade. That's why everyone calls me a HUGE traitor."

Some celebrity news. I wanna say congratulations to Cardi B - there are reports that she is pregnant! But no one knows yet if Cardi B is having a boy or a Girlllllll.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 3.16.18

You guys, it's spring break, March Madness and St. Patrick's Day! So I hope you enjoy the show, cuz it might be the last thing you remember until Sunday afternoon.

That's right, spring break, March Madness, and St. Patrick's Day all in one! Or as your liver is putting it, "Well, it's been a nice run!"

Yeah, St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow! It's the annual tradition of celebrating Irish heritage by getting totally drunk. While Sunday is the annual tradition of shamefully going back to the bar to retrieve your credit card.

And I saw that officials in Savannah, Georgia are trying to stop St. Patrick's Day parade-goers from kissing members of the armed forces. Then members of the armed forces were like, "Hey officials - stay out of it."

Of course, a lot of people are wearing buttons that say, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish!" While staffers at the White House have buttons that say, "Kiss me, I'm Fired."

Actually, this week, President Trump had a meeting with the Prime Minister of Ireland. He presented Trump with an ancient Irish ARTIFACT as a gift, then Trump was like (TRUMP) "Booo! I wanted a Shamrock Shake."

At their meeting, Trump told the Irish Prime Minister "Whenever there's a problem, you call, we'll solve it." Yep, and then he continued, (TRUMP) "Now check out the hook while my DJ revolves it. Ice ice baby."

I read that that Donald Trump Jr.'s wife, Vanessa, has filed for divorce. His dad consoled him and said, "It's okay - the first DIVORCE is always the toughest." (The others will be MUCH easier...)

I heard about a married couple in China that just discovered they were in the same photo before they knew each other 20 years ago. The wife thought it was sweet, until she noticed him in the background of EVERY one of her childhood photos.

And finally, Toys R Us just announced that they're closing all of their stores. One customer was like, "Does this mean all the toys are free?" And then they said, "No - you still have to pay, Mr. President."

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