Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 1/8-1/12

Below, check out quotables from 'THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON from 1/8-1/12:

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.8.17

Hey, I want to wish everyone a happy 2018! A lot of people are making New Year's resolutions. Some people are losing weight - while the president's losing his mind.

After his mental health was questioned in a new book, President Trump went on Twitter and said that he's a "very stable genius." Trump says it was an accident -- he was trying to edit his OkCupid bio.

Yeah, Trump tweeted that he's a "genius." Then he said, "In fact, that's what the J in Donald J. Trump stands for Donald Genius Trump."

But this all started with a new book about the White House, called "Fire and Fury." At first Trump didn't care, cuz he thought "Fire and Fury" was just a new flavor of Doritos.

There's a lot of weird stuff in there. For instance, it says Trump insists on stripping his own sheets. He said one maid did such a bad job making his bed, you could barely tell it was a racecar.

But this wasn't a huge surprise. The book says that Donald and Melania have separate bedrooms. Yeah, Trump sleeps in the White House's master bedroom, while Melania sleeps in New York City.

And over the weekend, Eric Trump celebrated his 34th birthday at a Mexican restaurant, and he and Don Jr. wore sombreros. Which backfired when their dad had them deported. (TRUMP) "Get 'em out!"

Hey, they Golden Globes were last night! Everybody's talking about the big speech Oprah made - and a lot of people say she should run for president. But it'll be weird at her State of the Union, when congress keeps checking under their seats for a free car. "YOU GET A CAR AND YOU GET A CAR!"

But this could be a big story. In fact, two of Oprah's close friends say that she's thinking about running in 2020. While two of Trump's close friends said, "Please don't refer to us as Trump's close friends."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.9.17

I saw that today that President Trump was asked about Oprah running for president, and he said that he would defeat her. But then another guy said, (PUTIN) "Donald, there is only so much I can do for you. I mean - it's OPRAH!"

Trump invited the press to an immigration meeting at the White House. He let them stick around for about an hour. They said, "This is the longest we've ever stayed here!" And Trump said, "Me too!"

Hey, I wanna say congratulations to Alabama, who overcame a 13-point deficit to win the COLLEGE FOOTBALL National Championship! Man, I'm just happy to say the words "Alabama" and "13" and not be talking about Roy Moore.

Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward.

Oh, this is nice. I saw that Princess Charlotte went to her first day of nursery school yesterday. It was a little intimidating for the other kids. Like for "show and tell," she brought Scotland.

This is kinda weird. Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way.

And finally, I read about a company that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.10.17

I read that a Democratic Congressman is introducing a bill that would force presidential candidates to take a mental health exam. Yep, it's called the "Too Little Too Late Act."

Oh, listen to this. It came out that the FBI might've had an informant inside the Trump campaign. Yep, it was someone who wouldn't draw much attention from Trump - which narrows it down to Don Jr. and Eric.

And I read that Trump will be visiting San Diego this month to look at prototypes for the border wall. He said he really wants to test how strong the walls are, so he told his staff to invite the Kool-Aid man to come too.

And this is a pretty big story. Steve Bannon is leaving Breitbart - but he said he's proud of what they've accomplished in a short period of time. For example, in just a few months, they managed to fire Steve Bannon. (Pretty big achievement!)

In the meantime, Fox News released a statement saying they will not be hiring Bannon. Even worse - so did Uber.

Check this out. Arnold Schwarzenegger said he's forming a coalition of moderate Republicans. Either that, or he said he's "putting some lotion on llama butts and pelicans." (ARNOLD) "I'm putting da lotion on da llama butts and da pelicans." (I don't know what he's saying.)

And Betty White just did an interview where she said the secret to long life is drinking vodka and eating hot dogs. So finally, some GOOD news for Steve Bannon.

Oh, did you hear about this? There's a cell phone video of Harvey Weinstein being slapped at a restaurant in Arizona. And already, that clip is the favorite to win Best Picture at the Oscars.

The Consumer Electronics Show is going on in Vegas right now. And Dell showed off a glass laptop. As in, "Oh no - that TSA screener just dropped my glass laptop."

And finally, Prince Harry's fiancée Meghan Markle just deleted her Twitter account, cuz you can't have one when you marry someone in the Royal Family. People were like, "Can one of them marry Trump?"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.11.17

I saw that tomorrow, President Trump will have his first physical since taking office. It'll get off to a weird start when he eats an entire jar of cotton balls cuz he thinks they're marshmallows. (TRUMP) "These are pretty stale."

You'll know Trump eats a lot of junk food when the doctor puts the stethoscope to his chest, and Trump's heart whispers, (WHEEZING/WHISPER) "Help me..."

Yep, it's his first physical. There will be another awkward moment when Trump tells the doctor he's sexually active, and from the waiting room Melania yells, "Fake news!"

Some business news here. The CEO of Domino's Pizza announced that he's stepping down this summer. He'll carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all of his stuff is stuck to the top of the box.

And after being out of business for years, Circuit City announced that they're opening stores again. Yeah, they said they couldn't wait to fax their employees the news.

Meanwhile, Vermont could become the first state to legalize recreational marijuana through the state legislature. Then the state full of Ben & Jerry's and snowboarders said, (FAKE) "Oh good. We can finally start smoking weed."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 1.12.17

It came out during a meeting on immigration yesterday, Trump referred to African countries and Haiti as - well, I can't say the word on TV. But let's say "s-holes." Right after that, Sarah Huckabee Sanders went out and got s-faced. "Tomorrow is gonna be ROUGH!!"

That's right, the President of the United States actually said that about other countries. So to everyone who thought 2018 would be better than last year...that lasted whole 11 days!

Actually, he said he wanted less immigrants from Haiti and Africa, and more immigrants from Norway. Even Steve Bannon was like, "Looks like I got out just in time!"

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