Check Out Quotables from TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON 12/11-12/15

Below, check out quotables from 'THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON from December 11 - December 15.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 12.11.17

Did you see this? The New York Times says each day, President Trump watches eight hours of TV and drinks twelve Diet Cokes. He sounds less like the president, and more like a college kid who just got home for winter break.

Get this. A family in Florida took their Elf on the Shelf to the ER after their dog tore it apart, and doctors were able to save it. While the guy in the next room was like, "Don't worry - my broken leg will just fix itself! You take care of that elf!"

And finally, you guys another season of "The Bachelor" is coming up! I heard that there are four women named Lauren. Everyone had a good laugh - even the eight contestants named Ashley.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 12.12.17

Today was the big Alabama Senate election. And as promised, Roy Moore rode his horse to the polls. But it got weird when people said, "Can we vote for the horse?"

The horse Roy Moore rode was named "Sassy." And what doesn't say "I'm innocent" like a 70-year-old man riding a horse named "Sassy"?

Everybody's talking about this. Last night, Roy Moore's wife tried to defend him against bigotry claims by saying quote, "one of our attorneys is a Jew." Soooo, happy first night of Hanukkah, everyone!

And another speaker told a story about how Moore once left a brothel because he thought the girls looked too young. You know things are bad when even the GOOD stories about you involve prostitution.

Yeah, he was all over Twitter today. And I read that Vladimir Putin gets daily reports of Trump's tweets. And every day, Putin reads them and says "My God, what have I done?"

Speaking of tweets, Trump got in a Twitter fight with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand over his sexual assault allegations. Just this week he insulted a senator, endorsed Roy Moore and called 20 women liars. It's like he saw his approval rating was 32 and said, (TRUMP) "I bet I can get it under 30 by the weekend."

Check this out. "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" is expected to make over $425 million by Sunday. You can tell they're making a lot of money, cuz today Yoda endorsed the Republican tax plan.

Oh, this is kinda crazy. I read that people are actually taking out mortgages to buy Bitcoin because they think it's such a solid investment. Then they put on their Skechers Shape-Ups and went out to buy some Dippin' Dots.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 12.13.17

A huge political story. Last night, Doug Jones pulled off a shocking win over Roy Moore to become Senator of Alabama. You know it's been a crazy year when an alleged pedophile loses a Senate race, and we're all like, "Wow - what an upset!"

Yep, Roy Moore became the first Republican to lose an Alabama Senate race in 25 years. It was so embarrassing, his horse went home in an Uber. "You Sassy the Horse? Get in."

As the results came in, reporters said it was very quiet at Moore's campaign headquarters. But to be fair, it WAS a school night, so...

Listen to this, you guys. Paul Ryan revealed that he hasn't eaten sweets in ten years, and said that he'd rather eat grilled asparagus than a Snickers. Americans were like, "And we thought Roy Moore was a monster!" (I mean, this guy is insane!!)

Did you guys hear about this? Apparently, George Clooney once gave his 14 best friends a million dollars each. They were thrilled, while his 15th best friend was like, "What the hell, man??"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 12.14.17

Hey guys, remember that old episode of "The Apprentice" where Trump fires Omarosa, and she flips out? Well, I guess they aired a re-run the other night at the White House.

It came out yesterday that Omarosa had been fired, but the White House says she's leaving "to pursue other opportunities." Even dogs living "on a farm upstate" were like "Yeah, right."

It's a crazy story. After Chief of Staff John Kelly fired Omarosa, she apparently tried to barge into Trump's private residence. A Secret Service agent stopped her, while another said, "Eh, I wanna see how this plays out."

But Omarosa's trying to put a positive spin on things. She said her goal all along was to reach one year of working in the White House. Which is funny, cause that's actually Trump's goal, too.

Meanwhile, Trump said that he wants to give people a "giant tax cut" for Christmas. Yep, leave it to Trump to give you a Christmas present that's actually just your own money. "You shouldn't have..." (TRUMP) "I didn't!"

Another big story out of Washington, today the FCC voted to repeal net neutrality, which will make people pay for faster internet service. People called it greedy and unfair - then the cable companies said, "Have we not met? We're the cable companies. That's what we do."

The repeal means that internet providers could slow down or block certain sites. Americans were like, "If you can block Twitter at the White House, you've got a deal."

A major business story here. Disney has just closed a deal to buy most of 21st Century Fox, but they won't be buying FOX News. I guess Disney was like, "Thanks, but we've already got enough cartoon characters."

Oh, this isn't good. A JetBlue flight on its way from LA to New York had to turn around after a passenger started biting people. Other passengers were furious - they said, "How come HE gets a meal??"

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 12.15.17

Hey, I saw that it snowed at the White House today, and temperatures were below freezing. I guess that's why Trump spent the whole day with his tongue stuck to the flagpole. "They triple-dog dared me! God Bless the United Schtates!"

And this morning, Trump visited the FBI. Yep, he walked in, saw his photo on THE WALL and was like, "Isn't that nice - I'm the MOST WANTED!"

This is very interesting. Trump was the first president to speak at the FBI graduation since Richard Nixon. So, I guess there's one MORE thing Trump and Nixon will have in common.

Oh, this is pretty big. Yesterday, Trump spoke on the phone with Vladimir Putin. I guess Putin heard all the drama about Omarosa and said, "I want EVERY detail! Dish that dirt, girl!"

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