"The Tonight Show" returned to its New York origins when "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" made its broadcast debut from Studio 6B in Rockefeller Center. Emmy Award- and Grammy Award-winning comedian Jimmy Fallon brings a high-tempo energy to the storied NBC franchise with his welcoming interview style, love of audience participation, spot-on impersonations and innovative sketches.
Below, check out quotables from NBC's
THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON - November 23 - November 26:
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 11.23.15
You guys, we have Adele on the show tonight! That's right - we thought we'd do everyone a service and help them get their crying out BEFORE Thanksgiving.
In fact, to make sure I don't cry during her song, I spent all morning watching that Budweiser ad with the horse and the puppy. (I got nothing left, man!)
Let's get to some news here. In a speech last week, Bernie Sanders called for a new global alliance with Russia and the Middle East to fight threats around the world. Then people said, "You mean like Russia and the Middle East?" (Kind of the two biggest threats right there...)
And over on the Republican side, Ted Cruz's campaign announced that it's going to launch a national "prayer team" next month, where people will pray for Cruz to win. Then God said, "Oh I tuned out of this thing weeks ago."
Listen to this. In a recent interview, Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka said that her father loves eating at McDonald's. It makes sense, considering the "McFlurry" is also what Trump asks for when he goes to the barber.
Of course this Thursday is Thanksgiving, and I thought this was interesting. Apparently it's actually a big day for running, and the U.S. has more road races on Thanksgiving than any other day. Marking the one time on Thanksgiving where it's safe for you and your family to talk about how many races there are in the U.S.
I just read that Mark Zuckerberg announced that he's going to take two months of paternity leave after his wife has their first child. Marking the first time someone's had a baby and tried to AVOID Facebook. Another picture of the baby!
Speaking of kids, I saw that Prince William and Kate recently made plans for their baby daughter Princess Charlotte to join the Girl Scouts when she turns five. That's how good Girl Scout cookies are. Even royalty is like, "We need someone on the inside." (The Queen needs her thin mints.)
Yeah, William and Kate
ARRANGED for their daughter Charlotte to join the Girl Scouts. Yep, she'll learn how to survive all those tough situations she'll never be in. (She just earned her waving badge, good for her.)
And did you hear this? Neil DeGrasse Tyson recently explained how astronauts could have sex in space, and said it would involve leather straps. When he was asked if the leather straps were to keep the people together during sex, Neil said "...uh sure they could do that too I guess."
Yeah, Neil DeGrasse Tyson said sex in space would involve a lot of straps. And a really awkward "float of shame" back to your pod.
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 11.24.15
Some more trouble for Ben Carson. In a recent interview, he said that Thomas Jefferson wrote the U.S. Constitution, when he actually wrote the Declaration of Independence. Or as Carson's campaign staff put it, "Close enough! We'll take it! (As long as he didn't say it was Egyptians or aliens...)"
Meanwhile, Donald Trump was recently being interviewed, and said that he's not a fan of the man bun trend, and wouldn't want to wear his hair that way. You know it's bad when even Donald Trump is like (TRUMP) "I'm not putting that on my head."
I saw that
NBC has officially granted Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, Jim Gilmore and Lindsey Graham free airtime to equal Donald Trump's recent
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE appearance. When asked how they'll feature the candidates,
NBC was like, "Let's just say the Thanksgiving Day Parade just got a few more clowns."
Over on the Democratic side, it was announced that Sting is going to perform at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton next month. Hillary says she's been a huge Sting fan ever since he agreed to perform at her fundraiser. "I love him. He can't make it? I hate him."
Yeah, Sting will perform at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. The fundraiser should last two hours, although Sting claims he can make it last ten.
Speaking of Thanksgiving. I heard that
AMC will broadcast a marathon of the entire "Godfather" trilogy on Thanksgiving. So if you want to watch a dramatic family falling apart on Thanksgiving - now you've got TWO ways to do that.
Some business news. The company that makes Viagra and the company that makes Botox are set to merge in a record 160-billion-dollar deal. Cuz if there's one thing a doctor wants to see, it's a guy with a giant grin whose Viagra won't wear off. (BOTOX GRIN) "Hey there, doc. It's been way more than four hours buddy! Can't wait to get rid of this thing!"
Oh this is kinda cool. I read that scientists are saying that Mars might eventually get rings like Saturn has. Which is the same sort of passive aggressive thing your mom will tell you on Thanksgiving. (MOM) "I heard MARS just got a ring! You gotta get out there! Like Mars!"
And finally, McDonald's says they have put new guidelines in place for its employees to make drive-thru orders more accurate, and it's calling the method "ask, ask, tell." As opposed to the McRib, which has the motto "don't ask, don't ask, don't ask."
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 11.25.15
Welcome to The Tonight Show! Here's what
PEOPLE ARE TALKING about. Of course, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, you guys! And until then, if you eat anything from the fridge, prepare to get yelled at. (Don't touch that beer! It's for the stuffing!)
Let's get to some news. I read that Donald Trump renovated a golf club in Virginia a few years back and actually put up a monument honoring a Civil War battle that never really happened. Yeah, it was just made up. I guess people got suspicious when Trump said it was to honor the "Battle of Little Big Hair."
Over on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders is facing criticism for letting a super-PAC run by nurses donate around 500 thousand dollars to his campaign, after saying he wouldn't take money from a super-PAC. But in his defense, when you're 74, you take ANYTHING the nurses tell you to take.
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton skipped a Democratic candidate forum hosted by the website Move-On-dot-org, and only Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley showed up to answer questions. Which is basically the political equivalent of seeing the Jackson Four. "We've got everyone except the one who you want to see!"
And get this. The U.S. Director of National Intelligence told
CNN that we have space satellites that can sense noise, heat, or vibrations. Or all three, if my uncle eats too many yams.
Let's get to some sport here. Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel was just benched after a video came out that showed him drinking and partying last week. When he heard he'd no longer be playing quarterback for the Browns, Manziel...threw a party and started drinking. ("Fantastic! Free at last!!")
And Holly Holm, the UFC Champion who defeated Ronda Rousey, said that she recently met Beyoncé, and actually asked Beyoncé what her name was. So long story short, Beyoncé is now the new UFC Champion. (Big mistake, Holly.)
Some more celebrity news. I heard that this week in New York, Adele met up with Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence at a Mexican restaurant. It even inspired Adele's new song, "Hola." (SING) "Hola from the other side!" That just proves how good she is.
Check this out. The U.S. Postal Service just came out with an app that makes it look like you're standing with Charlie Brown and Snoopy if you take a picture next to a mailbox. Yeah, it's great for all those people who take photos next to mailboxes. (NERD) "Hey honey-get a snapshot of me in front of this big blue beauty. Hardly any rust on this sucker - what a beautiful mailbox."
And the American Medical Association recently voted to support a ban on TV ads for drug companies. The move was applauded by many people, especially anyone who's ever had to sit through a Viagra commercial with their parents. (DAD) "Honey, we should look into that! Just keeping it fresh."
This was pretty cool. A 14-year-old boy in Maryland just beat the world record for the fastest time solving a Rubik's cube, in under five seconds. The kid felt pretty smart - til he spent the next 20 minutes trying to get a straw into a Capri Sun.
And finally,
ABC just announced that "Dancing with the Stars" was picked up for a 22nd season next year. Fans are calling it "exciting," while Jeb Bush is calling it "Plan B."
Jimmy Fallon Quotables 11.26.15
It's Thanksgiving, everyone! So I just want to take the chance to thank everyone who fell asleep with their TVs set to NBC. (Food coma ratings are still ratings!)
Actually, if you're watching this, it means you got through it! Thanksgiving is over. You never have to see those people again until...Christmas in 29 days.
Of course, some of you are visiting family or friends for the holiday. And to those people, I just want to say, if you're still at someone's house for Thanksgiving right now, they want you to leave. (They've already washed your tupperware and handed it back to you! Take a hint!)
And I saw that there were also three NFL games today -
the Eagles vs. the Lions, the Panthers vs. the Cowboys and the Bears vs. the Packers. While Tom Brady and the Patriots came to the PARADE to deflate the balloons a little bit.
Of course this is a day when we're reminded of all the things we should be thankful for. Well, a new study recently found that the key to a happy marriage might be regularly expressing gratitude to your spouse. When couples heard that they said, "You first."
Oh, we talked about this a bit yesterday, but the big business news this week is still the mega-merger between the two companies that make Viagra and Botox. Yeah, Viagra and Botox are merging into one entity: it's called "the Playboy Mansion."
This is interesting. A new survey found that a lot of people in the UK don't know where their food comes from, and many think fish sticks come from the fingers of fish. While people in the U.S. were like, (DUMB) "Idiots - everybody knows it's CHICKENS that got the fingers."
And finally, the "Rocky" spin-off "Creed" came out this week, and critics are saying it's the best "Rocky" film since the original. I don't know about that, but as far as Rocky movies go, it's definitely in the top 40.
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