Check Out Quotables from THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON

"The Tonight Show" returned to its New York origins when "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" made its broadcast debut from Studio 6B in Rockefeller Center. Emmy Award- and Grammy Award-winning comedian Jimmy Fallon brings a high-tempo energy to the storied NBC franchise with his welcoming interview style, love of audience participation, spot-on impersonations and innovative sketches.

An American television institution for almost 60 years, "The Tonight Show" continues to be a home to big-name celebrity guests and a stage for top musical and comedic talent. Taking a cue from his unforgettable predecessors, including hosts Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, Fallon carrys on the tradition that audiences know and love - kicking off every show with the iconic "Tonight Show" monologue.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 5.21.18

Guys, Saturday was Prince HARRY and Meghan Markle's wedding! Millions of Americans woke up at 4 a.m., turned on the Royal Wedding, and thought, "Wait, what am I doing with my life?"

But it was an amazing event. Thousands of people filled the streets to cheer for Prince HARRY and Meghan. Meanwhile Prince William was like, "You guys know I'm THE ONE who's gonna be king, right?"

Guys, Oprah was at the Royal Wedding! I read that the day before, she changed her dress when she realized it was too close to white. Because it's rude to upstage the bride by wearing white, when you're already upstaging the bride by being Oprah.

But this surprised a lot of people. Prince HARRY didn't shave before the wedding. He was going to, but his brother was like, "Dude, if you've got hair, KEEP IT."

I heard that the Royal Wedding reception was a lot of fun. Apparently, Elton John performed "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King." Then Prince Charles did a very drunken performance of "I Just Can't Wait To Be King."

Meanwhile back in Washington, today President Trump went to the swearing-in ceremony for new CIA Director, Gina Haspel. In her speech, she said "We can't rest on our laurels." Then Trump chimed in and said, "Or on our Yannys."

Listen to this. The Trump administration is trying to stop leaks by allowing fewer people into White House meetings. The president loved the idea, until he found out he's one of the people no longer allowed in the meetings.

And finally, this is cool. Over the weekend, it was rumored that Beyoncé bought her own church in New Orleans. God heard that and was like, "Finally, a place I get to worship."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 5.22.18

Guys, today President Trump said his big meeting with Kim Jong Un might not happen. Trump and Kim have been going back-and-forth over where to meet and who will be there. Even friends group texting about brunch were like, "Make a decision already!"

That's right, the meeting might get called off. Apparently, Kim Jong Un didn't like Trump's idea of the two of them riding through the streets in a horse-drawn carriage.

But Trump wants the meeting to take place. He said if Kim Jong Un agrees to meet, he can "guarantee Kim's safety." Trump promises to test Kim's food before he eats it... and keep testing it until it's totally gone.

I heard that White House aides have told Trump to switch out his cell phone on a monthly basis, but he says it's "too inconvenient." Trump was like, "The only thing I switch out on a monthly basis is my staff."

Well, get this. This week, a sinkhole appeared on the White House lawn. But after the grounds keepers investigated, they realized it was just another one of Melania's escape tunnels.

Last night was the season finale of "American Idol," and the final two contestants Maddie and Caleb revealed that they're dating. Then the moment they announced Maddie was the winner, she turned to Caleb and said, "We need to talk..."

Guys, listen to this. The city of Lake Worth, Florida accidentally texted all their residents a false "zombie alert." People were relieved to learn it was a false alarm, but then they were like, "Wait, why do we even HAVE a zombie alert system?!"

Hey guys, get this. Yesterday, a baboon escaped from a flight and got loose at the San Antonio airport. Luckily, he was caught after he got trapped on the moving walkway behind someone who wouldn't step to the side.

And finally, someone in Ohio called police and said they were being followed down the street by a pig and weren't sure what to do. When officers arrived, they said, "Ma'am, that's just your Tinder date."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 5.23.18

You guys, today is the start of Fleet Week, when members of the Armed Forces visit New York City. That's right, for one week, New York basically becomes Tinder minus the app.

But guys, we've got a great show tonight - Andy Cohen is here! He hosts the show "Watch What Happens Live." Which is also a good title for any speech given by Donald Trump.

Speaking of the president. Trump spent the morning tweeting conspiracy theories about the Russia investigation. Trump was like, "This one goes all the way to the top!" Then people were like, "You are the top."

Earlier this morning, Trump tweeted that the FBI spied on his campaign, and called it "one of the biggest scandals in history!" Then Mike Pence fed him a warm bottle of Diet Coke, burped him, and rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

That's right, Trump's claiming the FBI spied on his campaign, and said it could be one of the biggest political scandals in history. Then Hillary was like, "Um, I can think of a bigger one!"

Guys, it looks like Trump's meeting with Kim Jong Un might not happen. Apparently, Kim is worried there will be a coup in North Korea if he leaves. Kim tried telling Trump, but every time he said "A coup" Trump would yell, "Na matata!"

Kim Jong-Un's worried there will be a coup in North Korea while he's gone. Meanwhile, the moment Trump's plane takes off, everyone here will yell, "Quick! Let's have an election!"

And finally, I heard that there's a way for Alexa to tell you if your outfit is stylish. The way it works is, if you have to ask Alexa if your outfit is stylish, it isn't.

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 5.24.18

It's Fleet Week here in New York City, and our entire audience is filled with servicemen and women! This year is actually New York's 30th Fleet Week. So I wanna wish an early Happy 30thBirthday to all those babies conceived during the first Fleet Week.

But everyone's excited about Fleet Week. All of New York will be applauding people in uniform - or as that's also known: the opposite of a Knicks game.

I heard that tomorrow night there's a Fleet Week booze cruise! I'm sure you all thought, "Sweet!" And then - "Wait, it's my day off...can't wait to spend it on a BOAT?"

This is exciting - we have Guy Fieri on the show tonight! Backstage, we had an entire conversation before I realized I was just talking to the sunglasses on the back of his head.

Oh, here's a big story. Today, President Trump announced that he's calling off his meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. But this is very interesting - after he broke it off, Trump told Kim he could have custody of Don Jr.

Get this. I saw that Disney World announced that they're finally serving alcohol at every restaurant in the Magic Kingdom. Parents will say, "These giant teacups are spinning too fast." And kids will be like, "We are not even on THE RIDE yet."

Jimmy Fallon Quotables 5.25.18

Let's get to some news. I read that President Trump actually uses two cell phones - one for making calls, and one for Twitter. And at night, each phone looks at the other one and thinks, "Well, at least I'm not that guy."

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