BWW Recap: 'T. Earl King' Pays a Price on THE BLACKLIST

We begin two years ago in a luxurious manse, where the clearly evil T. Earl King IV, who moves and talks like Professor Hawking, watches his two sons, Francis and Tyler, squabble in a game of Russian roulette. Tyler made less money, and... winner take all. No good, though; Tyler lives despite his having made less money in an auction.

In the present day, a shaggy Not-Tom Keen is begging his buddy, Bud, for work. Bud sees him playing a yuppie business man, but Not-Tom is willing to be used for anything. "How's your German?"

In the meanwhile, Liz hides The Thing From BUNNY under her sleazy motel room bed as Red enters and offers her the luxury apartment in the security building that Liz stubbornly refuses to accept. Tell you what, Liz, introduce me to Red. I could use that place. Red is concerned that Madeline Pratt has been kidnapped. "She's a singular woman and the world is a more interesting place with her in it." Why can't my exes feel like that about me? She's been abducted by T. Earl King and family for one of their notorious occasional auctions of rare stolen bric-a-brac and interesting people. They steal and auction everything, in Red's opinion, from Stradavarii to Raoul Wallenberg. They're trust fund billionaires with a sideline in Evil.

The gang at the Post Office is fascinated. They start digging with glee and find an international kidnapper visiting who may be working for the Kings. Although Red's advised to let the FBI grab him and find Pratt, Red knows their scorecard versus his and goes for it himself. Whoops, Madeline's actually bait to get Red. It must be revenge for standing her up in Florence. Now Red and his Brain Full of Secrets are up for auction by the Kings.

Harold's buddy-turned-boss asks Harold for a slightly illegal favor tipping off a businessman about an investigation. Hey, Harold, how's that experimental medical trial going? Liz and Ressler come back, missing that but ready to help Harold turn the world upside down to rescue their "asset". Come on, guys. If he was just an asset, you wouldn't have beaten up the CIA to get him back when they tried to stash him. You guys all like him. He must buy you some bodacious Christmas and birthday gifts. You're clearly taking this kidnapping personally.

Red's in a fancy cell/cage being measured, barber-shaved, manicured and otherwise dolled up. Cells have never looked this plush, but it's the Kings, after all, and he's got to look good for the auction. There's fussing and squabbling between Tyler and Francis, in front of Red, over whether Red or the Van Gogh painting they have is going to bring in more money. Winner take all, after all. It's how the family fortune stays intact. Earl stops by to visit his old buddy Red and reminisce over the crap that went down in Bolivia. Red got out; Earl, still hoping to make another dime, wound up becoming Robotic Earl. He thanks Red for the lesson in how to do business, but he's still auction meat.

The Post Office team finds that a Russian oligarch on the no-fly list wants the Van Gogh. He's got an American proxy, an art expert, to go to the auction for him. It's a she. So is Liz! Hey, can you say undercover operation? Speaking of which, Not-Tom does exactly what you'd do if you were an undercover spy who'd nearly been killed by your ex. He calls Liz and tells her he's off on a new mission, no details, but he won't be local, sorry. Suddenly remembering she's a suspect in a murder investigation, she tells him that his kill now has her in trouble, but hey, bye, hon, she's got her own undercover job. Not-Tom provides sage advice: If you don't know what to say, just sneeze, and they'll forget what they asked you. "And I just thought you had a lot of allergies," she muses. Captain Obvious says, "Wow, this will be used later in the episode!"

Liz goes to a posh hotel and asks for a suite. Ressler and Samar are hiding as backup. Will Ressler be beaten up, need drugs, or get tricked? Because those are his three jobs anymore. "1861" isn't a suite number, Ressler discovers while heading there, but a parking space number. Liz has been taken by a hotel porter in the Kings' employ to get her to the actual auction site at the Kings' estate. So if you guessed "C, Ressler is tricked once again," you win!

Liz is whisked to the King estate, where she and Red are both dolling themselves up in separate quarters. Earl stops by Liz's posh room with a tray of jewelry. She's to wear whatever she likes. Apartments, Liz? Free jewelry? Where is your common sense, woman? Take the swag! Rich crooks don't hand out freebies to just anyone.

Not-Tom is in a seedy motel shaving his head. Then he goes to a seedy tattoo artist to get neo-Nazi tattoos inscribed in German. If those aren't removable, he'll be doing nothing but skinhead-spying for years. Unless he dies first.

Ah, a ritzy pre-auction party. Liz pretends to swill pricey champagne. Others do swill it. Yubari, the general from Cameroon that Red blew up, is around with a pocketbook all for bidding on Red. Liz says Red looks like too much trouble. Someone else asks about Liz's cover's art education - hey, they both went to Princeton! Remember those days when... Liz sneezes. You knew she would. Red, who went to the same school of sneeze as Not-Tom, conversationally drops the right answer to her in a throwaway line. Because you know, Naval Academy grad, so knows all about Princeton. But it's Red, Who Knows Everything.

Ressler and Samar can't get information from the hotel porter. Cooper can. He throws down a gun, tells the fool that he's got an inoperable brain tumor, nothing to live for, but none of his people are dying on his watch, and where is Elizabeth Keen? Oh Harold, do not die before we find out what you and Red know about that operation in Kuwait. You are the man.

At the auction, the Van Gogh is up for auction. Red's up for sale. Something that looks like a monstrance is up for bid, as is the young son of a mobster. Bidding starts on Red, and Liz joins in against Yubari. The Kings realize there's something wrong, as does Liz, who knows she's been made and disappears in the crowd. Red, whom they introduced as being richer than God, demands to know why he can't bid on himself, his money's as good as anyone's, but Yubari wins. Red is dragged off, disclosing - since he always does know everything - that the Van Gogh is a forgery.

In the basement, winners are picking up their prizes. Liz knocks out a handler, rescues mob kid, and tries to free Red before he orders her to get herself and the kid to safety. She grabs the handler's gun and follows Red's directions to outside, where she hears sirens and knows the boy will be safe. Meanwhile Yubari has a gun to Red's head. There's a guy in Jo-burg who will pay Yubari $40 million for Red's head. Just the head. Naturally, before Yubari can kill him, because this show would die if James Spader did, Liz walks in and shoots Yubari from behind. Liz and Red drop in on the Kings, who are settling up. Tyler's lost again, so Russian roulette time. But before Tyler can give it a try, Red grabs the gun and aims at Earl. Whoops, bullet in place! Bye, Earl! The LEOs can deal with the boys. Looks like winner won't get all this time. But Red provides advice about prison for them. "Don't eat the franks and beans."

Liz wants Red to thank her for rescuing him. Red wants her to promise not to risk her own life to save his, ever again. (That's why she has Ressler. It's his job to risk his life so Liz can save Red.) Liz speculates that Red has never had anyone who cared about him enough in the past to go off saving him, but she assures him he does now. Because CBS -er, Lizzie -cares.

Not-Tom picks a fight in a German bar. He wins. Someone offers to buy him a drink. It's his mark. Not-Tom is now Not-Christof.

Is Tom coming back from Germany? Without a body bag? Will Liz embarrass herself now that she's confessed she likes Red, she really likes him? Will Cooper live? Without having to Do Illegal Things For The Boss? And how far will Cooper and Red go to protect Liz from a murder rap? Text me at @MarakayBWW or comment below!

Photo credit: NBC Universal

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