BWW Recap: SURVIVOR- BLOOD VS WATER 10/29; Full Results!

Last week, the island got flipped, turned upside down (okay, my second Fresh Prince reference in a week? 90's kids really do have a tough time letting go) as Hunahpu and Coyopa were mixed up to create two new tribes, thereby eliminating any hope I could have possibly had at keeping these contestants straight. It wasn't quite a merge, which is really the one checkpoint that every SURVIVOR junkie oh, so eagerly awaits, but it was certainly something--a necessary something, because Hunahpu's prior winning streak was getting lame, let's be honest. Now, the "blood vs water" theme can really come into play, maybe even more than it would in an actual merge. On Hunahpu, fate in the form of an blue buff declared that Josh and Reed be the only new pair of loved ones on the new tribe. It wasn't a problem for them last week because Hunahpu won the immunity comp--oh my gosh, it's really starting to sound like a broken record; even with a new tribe, Coyopa can't win--but if they go to tribal this week, you never know. They could definitely be targets, which makes me sad, because I don't want either of them to go. Especially now that they've just been reunited; what a tragic Nicholas Sparksian love story that would be.

Meanwhile on Coyopa, Keith has the exact opposite problem--or rather, he had the exact opposite problem. He started out as the only new tribe member without a loved one, sticking out like a sore and lonely thumb. But according to last week's vote, that doesn't really matter at all. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, Keith skated by, and Kelley became the next contestant to hang up her buff, leaving her dad Dale on his own to seek dastardly, moustache-twirling revenge--or to desperately cling to his own safety using whatever wacky means necessary. Either, or. Based on the promo for tonight's episode, I'm betting on the latter. Passing off a fancy rock as a fake immunity idol could work. But the last time somebody lied about having an idol (looking at you, Val!), she got sent right home. Who knows. Jon certainly seems to believe it, anyway, the poor guy.

Will Dale's phony idol keep him safe this week? Who will win tonight's immunity challenge? And how will Jeff's visit to Hunahpu impact the tribe?

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8:03 Dale's got a pretty good poker face, I guess. Jon was pretty easy to dupe, but he's going to feel veeeeery silly. Hey, Jon, the word "gullible" is written in the sand. Ahahahhh, made you look.

Jeremy is the Greek chorus of this show. I feel like every time he opens his mouth, it's just to deliver some snarky, yet not entirely unwarranted, remark about goofy decisions being made in the game. He's just a gift.

Okay, guys, time for some unprecedented campside Probst action. I love when Jeff gets real with the tribes. Like, c'mon, guys, this is SURVIVOR. Get your heads in the game! If you wanted an endless supply of Pop-Tarts and Diet Coke, you should've tried out for Big Brother! I know rice is a big deal, but trading basically all that you have for a sack of food does not seem ideal. I had to laugh when Jeff was like, "Look, guys, this rice should last you 'til the end of the game. 'Til. The. End. PACE YOURSELVES."

8:14 Oh yes. The reward comp that will go down in reality tv history as the Battle for the BBQ. I'm stressed out just looking at these guys. And while I'd like to see Reed win just because a happy Reed means a happy Kara, they did just get, like, an entire bag of rice. Really now. Who needs a barbecue after that, right? Ok, fine, Reed wins. That's cool. I'm down with that. Look at those happy tears.

I'm beginning to think the name "Coyopa" is just cursed, okay, guys? That's literally the only explanation.

8:25 Coyopa is just full of silly gooses, my goodness. Dale doesn't have an immunity idol, you chuckleheads!

Uh oh. My favorite Greek Chorus strikes again, maybe with some troubling words of wisdom for Hunahpu's new power couple. Josh and Reed are clearly tight, duh, but the more they kiss and hug, the more people are reminded that they are, in fact, a power couple.

8:33 Alright. Um. Really, Julie? It's...rain. Pull yourself together, please.

Exile island is a weird concept. Like...they just go. And then they just come back. I guess I always wish we saw more of what happens during that brief respite from traditional tribal life, but, then again, there's only so much you can show in a one hour timeslot. Still, a girl can dream.

Oh my gosh. Why wasn't this episode called "Who's Big Jon Now?" That was a missed opportunity.

COYOPA, JUST GO HOME, YOU CAN'T WIN A SINGLE BLESSED THING. SEND THEM ALL HOME, JEFF.

8:45 Coyopa, I cannot even feel sorry for you at this point. Losing is just what you do.

I can't possibly be the only one who thinks Jaclyn looks exactly like Glee's Heather Morris, right? I've been meaning to say that for weeks. Weeks!

I feel like Dale should be in a pretty good position right now. He's in a desperate situation, having no real ties to anyone, now that Kelley's gone. On the one hand, that could mean it's easy to get rid of him. On the other, that could mean it's easy to use him. But these guy seem fairly determined to send him packing...Woah, my heart stopped for about half a second for Keith. I would have felt really bad if he randomly got sent home. But nope. It's Dale. And what's the lesson to be learned here, my dear readers? Don't. Lie. About. Immunity. Idols. Because whether people believe you or not, you'll probably be sent home. Let Val and Dale be your inspirations.

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Photo Credit: Monty Brinton | CBS

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