Uzbekistan, home of Uzbeks. And of Orthodox churches, one of which is being infiltrated during Mass by a group of armed men who surround the village priest. Once the guns are on him, he produces a satellite phone from his robes and calls his handler. In English, in an American accent.
We cut to DC Metro police, especially the balding Detective Wilcox, who's interviewing the wife of the missing DC harbor master. She explains that he "got an anonymous tip" about something at the marina and met an armed federal agent who gave him her card. His wife still has Lizzie's information.
Aram and Liz examine the Thing From BUNNY. Liz is hostile to Red when he comes into the office just then with a case. He doesn't need to be nice or to talk to her unless it's about work, because he doesn't love her, he loves the Fulcrum, right? Red makes like a sad puppy while he reveals that the priest is Agent Burke of the CIA, which isn't supposed to send undercover operatives playing clergy. Burke's been kidnapped by Ruslan Denisov (Number 67), who's in with violent Uzbeki terrorists. But that could be a good thing -"never underestimate the value of a band of armed separatists." Truer words, we'll see, were never spoken.
Aram, Liz. Ressler, and Samar, the FBI's Fab Four, brief with Cooper. The CIA is going to be a Problem. Nonetheless, Cooper tries to help the Agency over its own objections. The task force, at least Liz and Ressler, are deployed to Uzbekistan, where not only is the CIA unhappy, but the local military leadership also hates them at first sight for stepping on his turf. The FBI is not supposed to rescue CIA in Ubekistan. Not surprisingly, they're being followed.
Red is also in Uzbekistan, in a gloriously pre-Revolution hotel bar that looks like the Czar's parlor. He's spouting lurid tales of art exhibition sexual exploits to a mixed lot of sophisticated Western Europeans when the dynamic duo arrives. They warn him of the CIA, which still wants to bust Red's chops over the FBI's and Justice Department's Major Objections. Red points out that there's no extradition treaty with Uzbekistan. Though he invites them to dinner, they get into the elevator without him and end up on a floor full of Denisov and friends, AK-47s and all.
Denisov is not a terrorist, of course, but a freedom fighter. Mostly he's an anti-pipeline fighter. An American firm, Annica, has a leaking pipeline that's poisoning Uzbek villages. Since the company has refused to cooperate, he's taking matters into his own hands. Part of that is kidnapping the CIA agent. Part is running tests on an American pipeline executive by putting him in the water. He has burns all over the exposed portions of his body; maybe Denisov is onto something, since the burns are caused by oil refining chemicals.
Once the oil company's feet are held to the... water... it agrees to negotiate with Denisov for pipeline repairs. Liz doesn't want Red to help her and Ressler with the matter, which is fine with Red, because Denisov has hired Red to run his negotiations.
Cooper notifies the CIA that Agent Burke is alive. The CIA wants a black op. Cooper says no, his informant has everything under control. Trust Red, Liz. Even Cooper does. Red takes the dynamic duo on a tour of a local village with Denisov. Even Ressler is appalled by the conditions of the villagers. He wants to see the situation rectified immediately. Liz foresees Issues. Some see dead people, but Liz sees Issues.
Detective Wilcox calls -how nice that cell phones mean never having to say where you are, like "Hi, I'm in Uzbekistan, thanks for calling." He wants to talk about the missing harbor master. Liz can't reveal the super-secret mission she was working on down at the marina.
Red takes Liz to dinner to talk about the art of negotiation, which he equates with the tango that two dancers are providing as entertainment, not with poker. He describes the tango as "the true essence of negotiation" in terms that manage to combine sex and contract law magnificently, which would certainly make legal education more entertaining. Then he observes that everything is all wrong, just as an unauthorized CIA black op goes down. But whoa, the HOSTAGES -Agent Burke and others -that they planned to rescue aren't there. How clever of Red to tell Denisov to move them before the event.
The task force debriefs. At least twelve fighters were killed in the CIA black op. Bad, bad CIA. Red explains, "The CIA did what the CIA does." But why did Cooper give the CIA the location of Denisov's compound? Red doesn't trust Cooper. Denisov doesn't trust Red. Liz trusts no one, which is a reminder that there's talk of a new THE X-FILES. Will Liz transfer to that unit after this?
Denisov wants to kill Agent Burke in retaliation. Red talks him out of it through his long anecdote of the week, a discourse on the Fischer/Spassky chess match in 1972 in which it was clear that Spassky had no end game -and neither does Denisov. Wising up, Denisov asks Burke why he'd hidden in the area for years, and Burke reveals that a former Uzbeki cabinet minister was responsible for selling out to Annica on the bum pipeline.
We see the wealthy-from-ill-gotten-gains former cabinet minister at his posh home, where he's watched FIFTY SHADES OF GREY once too often, because he's flogging himself in front of his fireplace. He then naturally goes to confession, where Father Red is hiding in the confessional. Red and Denisov grab him and it's a sure bet that the guy enjoyed every moment of their extracting information from him through torture.
Liz reveals all to Ressler, who's trying to "la la la, I can't hear you," at her, about the harbor master. It was Tom who killed him, after all. Meanwhile, Detective Wilcox is interviewing our old friend the ship's caretaker about Liz. The gentleman wants to be very cooperative.
Red's ready to resume negotiations with Annica, the BP of the American oil business. He brings his kinky cabinet minister buddy and his files to the table. The pipeline is bad, but the secret FIRST pipeline was worse. Denisov is about to dig up a mass grave that the first pipeline's victims were thrown in. The company starts talking money. Red starts talking about how Denisov wants them to go packing.
Annica, Pipeline Builders From Hell, have a press conference where they announce that the Uzbek pipeline isn't profitable but they have amazing new projects on tap, so bye, bye, Uzbekistan. Burke is released. Red meets with the Uzbek military leader who gave the dynamic duo, as well as Denisov, a hard time.
The CIA is moving to nab Red at the pickup of Agent Burke. Detective Wilcox is being led to the harbor master's body by ship guy. Cooper walks in on the operation to pick up Red and threatens to unleash the Attorney General and friends on the CIA. They stand down. Denisov asks Red to get him out of the country. Red refuses, because Denisov should run the country in a few years if he plays his cards right. He gives Denisov his military enemy in a UN Aid crate, alive.
Liz watches the news. A French oil company is about to run a pipeline through the Ukraine. One of the people Red was with at the hotel bar was an executive from that company, which paid him to get Annica out and them in. Gotta love it when Red's plans come together.
Aram tells Liz that the Thing From BUNNY is a data recorder of some sort from a few decades back but he can't read it. He suggests Red. Liz swears Aram to secrecy.
Detective Wilcox stands over a shallow grave containing a harbor master. Didn't Mr. Kaplan take care of this?
How could Mr. Kaplan's cleanup fail? Will Liz ever crack the Thing From BUNNY? When will it end up in Red's hands (as we know it will)? And does Liz still think she can keep secrets from Red for more than a few episodes? If you have answers to these or to many other questions, like "Who is Masha, anyway?" or if you have an ancient computer that can read ancient data storage, tweet @MarakayBWW or message us below.
Photo: Eric Liebowitz/NBC
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