BWW Recap - Auditions Heat Up on THE X FACTOR - Episode 5

It's episode 5 of The X Factor and the auditions heat up.

Melanie Wright, a 48-year-old from Maryland who has been a paralegal for 26 years is "ready for a new chapter" in her life and wants to be the "equivalent of Carrie Underwood." She announces that she's going to sing Titanium by "David Gyoo-etta." And she's terrible. Demi feels bad, I feel bad, but poor Melanie has no idea. After the performance, she sends heart hands to a cheering audience and playfully asks, "Speechless, Simon?" She even winks at him a few times. "It was like finding out Cinderella works at the Playboy mansion." I don't get it, Simon. He clarifies with, "You're not what you seem." Alright. She still has no idea that it wasn't good. They let her down gently.

Next is a series of horrible auditions. Oksana Mamchur, a 36-year-old Ukrainian dental assistant tries Celine Dion's The Power of Love and it's another painful vocal. Rob Zarro, 55 years young with a horrible toupe, does an uncomfortable rendition of Born to Be Wild. Then comes the worst so far, Maya Lehmann, 60, who delivers an awful, super nasal, Final Countdown. Ruben Gloria, 26, dons a Tigger hoodie and tries an ambitious falsetto version of Like a Virgin, and he's totally out of tune.

Emery Kelly is a 15-year-old high school sophomore from Long Island. He is very cute, which, needless to say, gets Simon's attention immediately. You can practically see the dollar signs popping in Simon's eyes the second the kid walks onstage. The girls in the audience are screaming, Demi greets him with "Yo wassup, Bruno Mars?" due to the cute hat he has on. He even greets "Pau-Pau" in Spanish. He sings Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up. His voice is shaky. His voice is deeper than you'd expect, but it doesn't have great tone and it's not very smooth. It sounds kind of like he's yelling. Simon still seems to be smiling though, and I'm really hoping Simon doesn't like him simply because of his appeal. Demi goes first, and she says she thinks he's what they're looking for, and I facepalm. Simon calls him "a little unpolished diamond." He continues, "I think people are gonna like you, I know a lot about that." And cue the One Direction background music. No, really. Live While We're Young starts playing in the background. I love me some 1D.

Another 15-year-old, Khaya Cohen, is next. And oh boy, she's singing one of my favorite songs from my all-time favorite movie, Dreamgirls! She's on key but clearly straining, and the judges sense immediately that it's not the right song for her. I thought so too, but I tend to have a high standard for anyone trying to cover that sunny Jennifer Hudson power ballad. They stop her and Khaya tries again with Nina Simone's version of I Put a Spell On You. It's another weird choice for a young girl like her, and she's a little shaky again at first, but this song fits her tone much better and shows off her ability to hold strong soulful notes. Hey, if they let people at Emery Kelly's level through, I think this girl should slide by as well. Demi and Simon stand for her afterward. Demi says she can't believe that voice is coming out of a 15-year-old and I'm like, Demi, you had that talent at 15, but okay. Simon compares her to Amy Winehouse and Adele and I say "wow" and so does Khaya. Demi predicts that she'll go to the finals! Wow again. Alright then. Let's see if you end up proving yourself, Khaya.

19-year-old Joseph Tolve immediately captures attention with his speaking voice, and not in a good way. His voice is ridiculously high-pitched, as if he's working a puppet show. The judges are immediately worried. Kelly doesn't let it faze her, asking if he's hoarse. Simon jokingly offers him water and he actually drinks it, but of course it doesn't help his voice very much. Everyone wants to laugh, but if he's aware his voice is different, he doesn't act like it. Ooh, he's gonna sing Skyscraper by Demi! It ends up Being one of those auditions that feels cruel to air, because he's not good at all and Demi knows it but she tries to remain supportive because it's her song. Everyone calls his voice "unique" over and over again and Kelly recommends that he look into doing voice work for Sesame Street before rejecting him.

James Kenny, a 35-year-old apartment manager from Portland, Oregon, shows up with his cute family, his wife and 2 little girls. This guy has a great attitude, and he's apparently returning from Season 1. He sings a soulful version of a classic, Summertime. I totally dig it. Kelly agrees with me, telling Simon right away, "This version of it is nice... a lot of soul." Demi praises his "crazy" riffs and calls it a "sexy song." Simon also praises the song choice, and Kelly and Paul give him a "HELL YEAH!" Demi says yes, Simon says yes. He's through!

Isaac Tauaefa, a 23-year-old College Football player, gets through Better Man by James Morrison; Chase Goehring, a sweet 17-year-old redhead, rocks an original number; 26-year-old Allison Davis, 24-year-old Isabel Requena, and 15-year-old Isaiah Alsoton all slay with I'm Going Down by Mary J. Blige, a song that actually requires a lot of vocal power to accomplish. It's a series of "yes"s all around.

31-year-old David Gray, a cute baseball player, is met with immediate applause from the audience, but declares up front that he's there to audition for his girlfriend. I think it's sweet, but the audience is audibly upset, and the judges tell him right away that that's the "wrong answer." Then we get clips from earlier, showing his girlfriend Lauren, whose parents accompanied them to their individual X Factor auditions. And oh, this is the proposal they've been teasing since the first episode! Finally! The clips show David backstage asking Lauren's father for his blessing, which he happily gives. For his audition, he sings Usher's Nice and Slow but despite some slick footwork at the beginning, his voice isn't good. Ouch. All of the judges say no. His girlfriend, Lauren Waguespack, comes out next, she cheerfully sings Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, and her voice is alright! Before the judges get a chance to say what they think, David strides onstage, declaring his love and support for Lauren. Once it becomes clear that this is a proposal, the female judges are instantly on their feet and the crowd goes crazy! She says yes and Demi and Kelly are dying with delight. The happy couple is adorable! And cue Love Story by Taylor Swift in the background. Even more adorable. My favorite part is how Lauren's mother backstage had no idea that this was happening, so she's screaming more than anyone. As far as Lauren's audition, Simon says no. It's an awkward insertion into the celebration. I thought her performance was fine! But it's okay. She doesn't even seem to care at this point, thank God. What a weird proposal idea, but I'm glad he pulled it off.

Simon's late to a round of Denver auditions, where we meet a very nervous 23-year-old from Minnesota named Tim Olstad. Demi can tell he's shy so she goads him with, "Do you ever get in trouble?" "Ummmm..." "Tell me something crazy about you." He can't come up with anything, but Demi pushes him to get her excited about meeting him. If Demi ever spoke directly to me like that, I would probably pass out, so I really can't blame him for fumbling the assignment. He ultimately disappoints her, telling a silly story about his mother Being his teacher and getting locked out of the classroom by her when he was little. Demi dryly replies ,"You're a wild child..." and lets him get on with his rendition of Christina Perri's A Thousand Years. As I expected, his voice totally makes up for his plain personality. At first the judges mutter amongst themselves about how "boring" he is, but his voice is smooth and gorgeous and confident, even as his hand is literally shaking while holding the mic. His tone is wonderful, and the audience and judges respond accordingly. Afterward, Kelly says, "Your voice just came over me like a blanket of love." Demi tells him he gave the "chills" and acknowledges that his talent transcends him Being edgy or interesting. He surprised everyone, so he gets through easily. Simon walks in and they tell him he missed out on some good ones, and he says he heard someone good singing A Thousand Years! "Is it just me, or is the talent better when Simon's not here?" I love you Demi. Don't get me wrong, I love Simon too. I just love when she pushes him. And he loves it even more than I do.

Wesley Mountain, 19, comes in next, and he's apparently in love with Kelly. The crush doesn't come off in a creepy fan way at first, because he calls her "a beautiful artist, very classy, very elegant" and I agree with all of that. I adore Kelly for the same reasons. But if he wasn't weird about it before he got onstage, he certainly got there later. He could hardly tell Simon his name because he's freaking out about Being in front of Kelly, not even really fully expressing it in words so much as looking at her and sputtering her name. He's full-on fanboying at the sight of her, and his giggling and breathing makes everyone laugh. Simon understands, and asks, "You like Kelly?" And Wesley leans forward, dropping his weight to his knees, and replies, "A LOT." Kelly takes the attention in stride and calls him "cute," but suddenly he starts walking toward the judges' table and I'm praying he doesn't do anything stupid. He takes Kelly's hand and kisses it, and everyone's a little wigged out. It would all be dorky-cute if he weren't staring at her with this glassy look of love on his face, breathing really heavily and sweating profusely. He chose Wanted by Hunter Hayes, a favorite of mine, for his audition. "You've got to stop panting." Same, Simon. Kelly is embarrassed and she and Demi have a cute moment about it. (I'm sorry, I just love them.) He starts off well, and Kelly says he's a "Casanova" and I'm like, don't encourage him, Kelly! She really shouldn't have, because he gets down on one knee and ends up singing the whole song right to her. (Please note that the main lyrics of this song include the words, "I want to wrap you up, I want to kiss your lips, I want to make you feel wanted.") Simon smirks his way through it, but who cares, because his voice is fine. Demi goes first: "You know, at first, I thought you were so creepy." Same! But they all agree his voice is very good. Simon creates one of his famous metaphors and compares Wesley looking at Kelly to a dog looking at a steak. Paulina reminds him that he needs to separate his feelings from the competition, and Simon recommends a cold shower before he performs again. He gets "yes"s from everyone, with a request from Demi, "Don't eat my friend." I just really love Demi and Kelly's friendship! Kelly handles the attention with the elegance and class Wesley initially attributed to her, never once making him feel bad for coming on so strong.

16-year-old Celine Polenghi immediately strikes me as a confident performer who knows who she is and what she wants, even more so when she starts to sing one of the most Epic songs in existence, When You Believe. Don't cover Mariah and Whitney if you can't take the pressure. But she can take it! She's great for her age. Her voice is powerful, but she knows how to manipulate it to add softness and levels where necessary. Simon understands me perfectly, saying afterward "Was it perfect? No. Do you have massive potential?" And all the judges say together, "Yes." And she's through!

20-year-old Bree Randall sings Treasure by Bruno Mars and it comes off a little wrong to me, especially with her teenage-singing-into-a-hairbrush dancing during her performance, but she's pretty, which is what I assume Demi's referring to when she says, "There's something about you that I think is gonna go far in the competition." Another 20-year-old, Primrose Martin, sings Jessie J's Nobody's Perfect and she has some impressive runs, so she gets through. 17-year-old Summer Reign sings Impossible by Shontelle, and (as predicted thanks to this montage of girl power auditions) gets through.

Usher-esque Rickey Clark Jr., 19, coolly walks onstage in awesome shades, but when Kelly asks him to take them off, smooth guy turns into a bit of a Wesley Mountain 2.0. He loves Kelly so much. He's not nearly as creepy though, and Kelly sort of flirts back before letting him perform a favorite of mine, Superstition by Stevie Wonder. It's okay. Simon says, "I like you, but I don't like your voice." And if Simon doesn't like it, you know it'll sway the rest of the group. Poor Rickey gets rejected and starts crying onstage. Kelly tries to make him feel better by reminding him that it took her 8 years to get anywhere in the business. She hops up onstage and runs backstage to give Rickey a hug. She gently reminds him of her time on Star Search (a show that he supposedly wouldn't know of because he's 19? Please. I'm 18, and I remember Star Search.) with Destiny's Child and how horrible she felt when they were told no. But clearly, it worked out. I love Kelly. I love Destiny's Child. Love, love, love all around. It would be pretty funny if Rickey actually does end up making it big one day, and they pull out this clip of Kelly Rowland literally wiping his tears away in every interview he ever does.

In the next round, Demi and Paulina are absent. Lorie Moore, 34, wears a jersey to her audition because she is a professional women's football player! That's awesome, girl. She chooses I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston, so I immediately raise the bar for this audition in my head. (If you haven't figured it out yet, Whitney is everything to me.) And Lorie kills it! I'm sufficiently impressed. Her tone is rich, and she has a great personality. Her power comes through when she hits the chorus, and while she could use some more control, she definitely has what it takes. Kelly agrees that she can "sang," and Simon has to bring up her age, but it's in the form of a compliment, so I can let it slide. She gets through, of course!

Last but not least, a group! Brianna and Allan are a very confident engaged couple. Or they were? I'm confused. Anyway, they're broken up now, I think, and they call themselves Second Hand High. Briana is clearly the more dominant of the pair, sassing Simon before he even asks for it. "We're actually gonna sing an original song, and you are gonna absolutely love it so don't make that face." He wasn't making a face. Tone it down, girl. "This is gonna be a hit." Simon is game, quipping, "I understand now why this relationship ended." I feel that too, Simon. Whoa. Their song isn't what I expected at all. It's a whiny, repetitive Ke$ha-esque rap song, and the hype proves too much for even Brianna, who gets winded halfway through it. The main hook is "you betta ask me to dance, I said you betta ask me to dance" over and over again. But it's kind of catchy in that annoying Ke$ha way. People in the audience take really well to it, as does Kelly. People start crumping and singing along. Kelly stands up and dances around, having tons of fun with it, but it's clearly a no. Simon says they should change their group name to "Deluded." Kelly is laughing while she says, "It's very very weird, but I kinda liked the song." Kelly understands dance music, and knows that terrible music sells for a reason. She calls Second Hand High "current." Demi was amused, and thought the tune was "catchy," but they definitely don't get through. Second Hand High still thinks their song is destined to be "the jam of 2013."And then I literally start screaming and squealing because the end of this crazy episode consists of Kelly and Demi singing Second Hand High's song music video-style! And these ladies have all the attitude. It's hilarious, I love it, I'm dancing. When an auto-tuned Simon joined in for the male rap verse, I died. It was epic. This clip is gonna be on repeat for the rest of the week. That was amazing! I said you better ask me to dance!

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