BWW Blog: Kathryn Mowat Murphy - Inspiration

The Tonys just happened.

I didn't see them, as I don't have a TV. Don't' feel sorry for me--it was my choice. I threw it out about two years ago, well gave it away really. My reason for that was I needed to focus on developing my KatMoJAM workout, and was told by my boyfriend at the time it was an idiot box and nothing would happen if I had one. He was right. Since I didn't have to come home to watch television, I really began working on my brand.

That was all good until the recent Tony night. I thought I had it covered by a live streaming website I found after scouring the internet until the wee hours on Sunday morning, but that was a bust. Nobody I knew was reaching out to me to go and see it at their place and, like a person whose birthday has been forgotten by everyone, I recoiled into my own self pity and secretly hissed at all my so called friends. Of course, the next day I was fine, because, to be fair, I never spoke up and actually said to my mates, "Hey I don't have a TV-- invite me over."

My reason for wanting to see the Tonys so badly this year was that so many people who meant a lot to me were up for the awards, and many dancers I know were in the shows. It is also the first year I have been out of my divorce fog and completely clear as to what I still want to do. I know many of you can relate to going through some emotional trauma which can make you step back from the business and question yourself. When we come through the dark times, we realize that we still love stepping on a stage eight times a week and being with a cast day in, day out. We know and love the feeling of waking up and having a theater to go to every day and, when we do wake up from our nightmare, we realize we also want to celebrate the successes of our friends.

We, at some point, feel that sense of loss when we miss out on a part in a show; I know it well and have lived through the difficulty of then going to see the show that you are not in. We have to be happy for those who are up there and living the dream, as there will be a time when they will be going through the exact same situation. I get the feeling there are a lot of people going through transitions right now, be it moving forward into another career, having a baby, getting married, or just getting older. In the back of their mind, they may be thinking 'well this is it; this is where the train stops.' I am here to tell you it does not.

I did get to watch the live red carpet feed of the Tonys, and I listened to some of the interviews. I was interested to hear some of the stories. More than one or two performers spoke about being welcomed back into the community and being pulled back from obscurity. Sometimes, we feel so very far away from our purpose we just don't know how to get back on track, or how to put ourselves into or back in the loop again.

My only suggestion is to never stop being ready. I remember many years ago, when I was first starting out, I was waitressing and trying to balance my life of taking classes and auditioning. Most of my days were filled with working, and I had little or no energy for anything else. Classes were going to the wayside, and I was becoming unhealthy. I worked at a very well known celebrity restaurant. Here I was talking to the rich and famous. One night, when I was waiting on a handsome famous actor, I was sharing a joke with him. Then, at some point he said, "Oh can you clean up this mess." I stood there and just stared at him. I was so close to the success, but, really, I was never so far away from my goal. That night I went home to my little apartment and sat on the end of my bed thinking and focusing on how to get back on track to the goal I wished to attain. I quit my job and began looking for employment that would complement my craft. In my case, it was fitness. Fitness enabled me to still be in the world of performing and be healthy at the same time. It allowed me to continue to pursue performing, yet be involved in an activity that earned me money and was fulfilling.

Falling of the focus train happens more than once in our careers. What we have to hold on to is our love of what we do. I was reminded of that again on Sunday. I was desperately trolling Facebook and twitter, trying to get the results of the awards. I felt locked out and a little sad that I could not witness all my friends joy as they danced and sang. I was especially sad when I missed the presentation of a first Tony win to a friend. This is the world I love; I am inspired by those performers who, despite all the odds, have returned and are giving the performance of their lives.

I am also happy to step aside and pass the baton on to the younger dancers and new up and coming performers. We all have a niche, and, over time, it changes. It's up to us to find our new niche. No matter how you feel, keep taking class if you are able, keep singing, and go and see a show. The shows on the boards right now are some of the most inspiring to date. I, of course, will take my own advice.

To all the winners and nominees, congratulations. You are all amazing and an inspiration to all performers out there. I thank you for your hard work and dedication.

To all those who feel that their time has passed, I say nonsense! Get off your duff and take baby steps back to the world you love.

Next year I don't plan on having TV, but I do plan on seeing the Tonys---from row HH.

Photo Credit: Steve Vaccariello

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